Published on 12, July, 2020
Can anyone relate to being married to a guy with Aspergers and feeling like his carer? Feel so lonely in our relationship and unless we do what motivates him or talk about his hobbies we literally don’t talk or spend time together. Don’t want to use this forum to moan as he really is a kind hearted guy but I just feel so unimportant, forgotten and alone.
As an aspie I have an alternative view. My need for independence and control meant I acted as an adult from an early age and I don't have an desire or need to be an eternal child.
The overwhelming need to talk about his own interests can be an aspie thing. However, I think your focusing too much on the aspie angle rather than the fact your two humans and as such need to work together to make the relationship work. My partner understands that being around others is extremely tiring for me and I need alone time to recover. I work 30 hours a week as this gives me a recovery day on a Weds and he's happy to contribute more to the household finances to enable this. He also doesn't complain when its getting to the end of a semester and I'm out of energy and spend most evenings upstairs alone, as without this time my MH would seriously suffer. On the other hand, my partner is a typical NT and enjoys group socialising, I hate it. One compromise we've agreed on is that every so often we'll have a max of two people around and we'll host for the evening. That's because were both adults and understand there needs to be give and take on both sides to make a relationship work.
Would it help to make a list of what frustrates you so you can talk about it together? If it isn't something your partner is willing or able to change and you are unhappy accepting him as he his then you might need to consider if this is the right person for you or if you'd be better of looking for someone else.
Great advice.
NAS50301 said:I think your focusing too much on the aspie angle rather than the fact your two humans and as such need to work together to make the relationship work
This is important. All relationship problems have the same underlying problems and dynamics, AS or not.