Can anyone relate to being married to a guy with Aspergers and feeling like his carer? Feel so lonely in our relationship and unless we do what motivates him or talk about his hobbies we literally don’t talk or spend time together. Don’t want to use this forum to moan as he really is a kind hearted guy but I just feel so unimportant, forgotten and alone.
NAS62020 said:feeling like his carer? Feel so lonely in our relationship and unless we do what motivates him or talk about his hobbies we literally don’t talk or spend time together.
Does he agree that you are his 'carer'? That he needs a carer?
Does he also have mobility needs? It can come across as patronising and somehow devaluing his contribution and his choices, insisting on his disability rather him as a man, an individual. Isn't there anything at all he contributes to your life? What would he say?
Maybe it may help to take a step back and consider that your exhaustion and frustration makes you to take a stance and embrace some views that might put a barriers that pulls you apart, makes it difficult for him to get through to you and for you to acknowledge and row back to him?
All relationships are about caring for each-other, they are about valuing each other. It seem you have a breakdown in communication that is not necessarily to do with ASC. All relationships can hit the rocks and the signs are exactly the same. Do you have a good sex life?
Obviously he is an adult with autonomy of his own, he doesn't have to comply with all the parameters of your NT preferences, it should be a matter for negotiation.
Are you actually trying to get him to talk with you about things that motivate you, your hobbies as it were? Is he aware that it is so interesting and important to you?
I think Plastic is spot on. Relationships do tend to erode with age and to repair them you need to reignite the fun and to re- stimulate the oxitoxin... the care and love hormone and preferably the sex hormones too, as a priority.