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Please Help!! Agression out of control!

tracey68

I have a 16 year old son with ASD, he hasn't attended school since February due to him suffering with extreme anxiety and depression. No other provisions have been offered him and I have been fighting for months for help from social services and CAMHS. Camhs are on board and he's having therapy once a week (just started) but social services while involved are not doing anything to help. He has become totally isolated, refusing to leave the house most days, he is depressed, frustrated, and often talks of dying or suicide. I have had to give up my job as he cannot be left alone and the whole thing has had a massive effect on the family aswell as my son.I am trying to get him in to a private college for youngsters with Autism, but this will be a fight due to funding I'm sure. Meanwhile he is at home each day, afraid to go out, afraid of other children, and afraid of what is to become of him and his life. Despite all the time, love and suport from his sister, stepdad and myself he is spiralling out of control and I am fearful that he is going to hurt himself. He is having daily meltdowns, usually more than one or two and he is smashing things, slamming doors, throwing things at me and has even started pushing and shoving me.While I undestand the pain and frustration he is feeling it is very difficult to deal with day after day with nobody helping us.My husband has come to the end of his tether and fear he is going to leave any day, he cannot bare to watch my sons' destructive behaviour and aggression any longer, and the arguments have started!I feel as though our lives are falling apart and dont know where to turn, things are getting worse each day.Please somebody advise me how I deal with these meltdowns, I used to ignore him and he would calm down in his own time but the aggression has escalated towards the home and myself.And my fear is that he is going to hurt himself or someone. I cannot ignore that!!I'm hoping we will be successful and my son will be given a place at this wonderful college and his life could be transformed, but we are really struggling to cope at the moment.Any advice will be greatly appreciated!! Sorry if I went on a bit x 

Parents

  • hi tracey68 i was unable to pass your your post without tears in my eyes, to here another mothers life be in tatters just the same as mine is very upsetting.  I feel for you so much and have very real experience of the NON HELP you get from Camhs. I go through the same extreme meltdown attacks and have not receved very much help at all, my home link support worker is very nice and tried all she can with her knowledge and experience but this has not made a slght difference.  My daughter is only 5 and they have tried to push us away and not deal with her case for as long as posssible so by which time her behavious has distroyed the family, not that in any way anyone blames her, but the nhs way of doing nothing..... which has componded her problems.As i sad she is only 5 and we to have violent meltdowns daily sometimes 4 or 5 times in a day if somethng has stressed her. Which would be ok if we knew what it was that stressed her...!!!  Camhs have advised me to restrain her, which is almost impossible and i too get covered in bruses.  Its so hard to know what to do for the best.  Camhs do not come home with you and see whats gong on, so i set up a video camera in my front room and at my next appointment whipped out the laptop and said 'watch this please'... i have subsequently put huge pressure on them to get a diagnosis. (im sure my case worker thought it would be found to be 'nothong wrong just my parenting skills which needed work')  But it was almost satisfying to be proven i did know soemthing was up and my worries were correct, she has autism.  We could now get the help she needs !!! hahahaha this is i find not how it works... You still have to amke a fuss and be a pest before any one does anything.

    I have a small piece of advse, my doctor advised a visit to the local MP, which i wasnt sure how would help, but he was very nice and did express the possibility he could help with trying to find funding for the correct place my daughter may need to attend, it may be worth going to your local office and having a chat. Cant hurt.

    It very hard when the aggression is bad and i feel for you all as a family i really do understand the impact it has on everyone. I have a 2.5 year old and 18 year old in the house who have to suffer and vitness these rages, things being thrown, doors being kicked and broken, pinching, biting, the whole works,.... from a 5 year old. And you know Camhs still telling me you dont treat autism with drugs.... But im sure it must help with calming the daily life to the point you can make a breakthrough.

    xx

Reply

  • hi tracey68 i was unable to pass your your post without tears in my eyes, to here another mothers life be in tatters just the same as mine is very upsetting.  I feel for you so much and have very real experience of the NON HELP you get from Camhs. I go through the same extreme meltdown attacks and have not receved very much help at all, my home link support worker is very nice and tried all she can with her knowledge and experience but this has not made a slght difference.  My daughter is only 5 and they have tried to push us away and not deal with her case for as long as posssible so by which time her behavious has distroyed the family, not that in any way anyone blames her, but the nhs way of doing nothing..... which has componded her problems.As i sad she is only 5 and we to have violent meltdowns daily sometimes 4 or 5 times in a day if somethng has stressed her. Which would be ok if we knew what it was that stressed her...!!!  Camhs have advised me to restrain her, which is almost impossible and i too get covered in bruses.  Its so hard to know what to do for the best.  Camhs do not come home with you and see whats gong on, so i set up a video camera in my front room and at my next appointment whipped out the laptop and said 'watch this please'... i have subsequently put huge pressure on them to get a diagnosis. (im sure my case worker thought it would be found to be 'nothong wrong just my parenting skills which needed work')  But it was almost satisfying to be proven i did know soemthing was up and my worries were correct, she has autism.  We could now get the help she needs !!! hahahaha this is i find not how it works... You still have to amke a fuss and be a pest before any one does anything.

    I have a small piece of advse, my doctor advised a visit to the local MP, which i wasnt sure how would help, but he was very nice and did express the possibility he could help with trying to find funding for the correct place my daughter may need to attend, it may be worth going to your local office and having a chat. Cant hurt.

    It very hard when the aggression is bad and i feel for you all as a family i really do understand the impact it has on everyone. I have a 2.5 year old and 18 year old in the house who have to suffer and vitness these rages, things being thrown, doors being kicked and broken, pinching, biting, the whole works,.... from a 5 year old. And you know Camhs still telling me you dont treat autism with drugs.... But im sure it must help with calming the daily life to the point you can make a breakthrough.

    xx

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