Aspergers 11 year old girl


i am’posting as i need advice on how to help my daughter.  She’s always been a difficult character and as she’s getting older her behaviour is becoming more difficult.  She’s now 11 and has settled I to secondary quite well and has no behaviour issues at school. She’s also pretty bright.   I have read up over the years and I do feel she has Aspergers.   She has a very negative outlook and lots of OCD tendencies, and sensory issues.  We had success with CBT  counselling before she started at Secondary school to help with the transition and this was a great help.  She needs more help via CBT and we were on a waiting list and at the last minute the conselling was cancelled due to resource problems.   I have been looking for help and have a tonne of websites to read through but I hope another parent with a similar situation may be able to advise me the best place to start. 

She has had a CAHMS assessment who say she doesn’t have mental health issues and we are on a waiting list for a community paediatrician appointment to discuss sleep anxiety and a melatonin prescription.  

I wonder how a proper diagnosis could help her in the future, someone also suggested oppositional defiance as a possible issue. 

My main concern is dealing with her behaviour which is becoming very challenging and hurtful towards me, she’s causing me anxiety each day as I hope if she starts something that it won’t escalate.  I am at my wits end with her.  

She hasn’t made any new’friends At secondary school and I make every effort to help her to engage and do things but she doesn’t want to make effort to make friends and becomes negative that others leave her’out.  So any advice on best way to deal with her negative behaviour and how to help her make friends. 

Advice on how to go about getting a diagnosis - I am not sure that she could cope with a diagnosis or to be told she may be on the spectrum so this in itself worries me. 

Where we can get support for the family’in How to deal’with her and help her be the best she can. 

This is a lot to read so if you have thanks so much ! 

Mum in need of help ! 

  • Hello,

    I am the Mum of an 11 year old girl who also has Aspergers. She also is a model student at school, very bright and very good at masking, so most would not have a clue. It is at home that we get the meltdowns, high anxiety, anger etc. I have read a lot to try and help me understand her world and alter my behavior accordingly to try and allow us to see eye to eye. My daughter is lucky enough to be under CAMHS, who are helping her discover appropriate coping strategies and giving her an outlet for talking other than to me, but she is very untrusting and doesn't like/can't verbalise her feelings that well. CAMHS have suggested lots of good books and online apps that you can dowlnoad that might help her - also it may be good to suggest to her she keeps a journal of how she is feeling and write down (just for her) what sets off these feelings. Also allowing her to have a safe space she can just go to to be alone where you cannot go unless she invites you. This gives her the opportunity to work through what she is feeling in peace.

    Some good books:

    Lawrence J. Cohen
    Dawn Huebner, Bonnie Matthews
    This is a book for her to fill in and read either with you or alone
    Autism Women's Network, Inc.
    The Students of Limpsfield Grange School and Vicky Martin, Jessica Kingsley Publishers
    Sold by: Amazon EU S.a.r.L.
    A good app:
    Also, you might want to watch this documentary that was on ITV 
    There is no right or wrong answer or magic wand to help you I am afraid. You have to work out what works for her. Routine is always good and you could make a calendar or schedule with visual aids rather than words to give her day some structure - but make sure you stick to the timings and the entries or this may cause distress.
    I really hope you find your way with her and I would push to get another assessment from CAMHS. Document all the things you see her do or hear her say. Anything you feel relates. They are overstretch and under funded so will only take on cases they feel show a real issue (sorry state of affairs to be in really!).
    I hope at least some of this helps you.