some questions about stress

Education and all that goes with it

feeling isolated 

lack of support

behaviour and not the kids, their behavior isnt half as stressfull as the downright bloody ignorant sods who pass comment on their behaviour.

.like every parent worry about their future

• Lots of stress trying to sort out education issues at school
• Ditto with bullying
• Extreme stress with my son being asked to leave the school and all that entailed
• Financial stress because we are living on one low income, as I have to be around for my son
• Worries about the future, concern that my son should find contentment and valid place in society
• Stress at not knowing what to do for the best, fear of taking the wrong path or not doing enough
• a little stress dealing with other peoples views, however well intentioned
• And a bit of extra worry for myself, no income, no career progression, no pension

I think for me the most stressfull thing is the violence - I really struggle to cope with it. My 8 year old with asd can be very volitile, I can see in his face he doesn't want to hit me or sware every two seconds and I know he tries really hard to control it. There is no help from school because he is an Angel at school - its the rules and structure at school he likes - we try to install structure at home but its not always possable.  In fact when I tell school what he's like at home they struggle to believe me which is really upsetting. I think getting school is understand and react if parents ask them to would be great, I wish I had that. Sometimes home life is so stressful I dont know how we get through the day. Doctors are no help at all, freinds and family cant cope with him so we just have to get on with as best we can. Sometimes it would be nice if someone would just take him off our hands for a few hours, just so we can breath........Life is a very large confrontation which is stressful and exhausting.

But I love him with all my heart and sometimes thats all that matters.

Hi Bananas.

My son is 11, with 1 more year to go until High school. We don't have a lot of choice, re schools, as we're in a rural community. They are much, much better then they used to be re his behaviour (had 3 exclusions 2 years ago - we had to appeal & won), but if he's going through a bad patch, you still dread the phone ringing and get that horrible sinking, sick feeling you described.

We're lucky that we have an excellent spectrum support worker who my son gets on with well and who has supported us as parents in meetings etc. It's that need to not be the lone voice for your child and she made us feel that it wasn't our fault and that we weren't going mad and barking up the wrong tree with a horrible, undisciplined child! So now much more has been put in place for him at school and they are generally better at seeing what's behind his reactions to a situation.

I agree about the job stress. I've been very fortunate too in that the 2 jobs I've been in over the last few years have both been very understanding about having to suddenly attend meetings or take a day off. It must be said though, that it is due to my son's Aspergers that my husband and I now only work just over 1 full time job between us, so that bar 1 day a week, there is always someone at home just in case. Our family income has plumetted, which obviously has an effect on all of us (we have 3 kids). I guess this is where DLA partly comes in...

Good to exchange thoughts!

Hellsbells

Hellsbells I so know that feeling of waiting for the phone to ring and feeling physically sick. It hits siblings hard too - my son has a twin brother and he got so fed up of people saying do you know what S has done now.

We moved S from one supposedly good mainstream school to one that went into special measures. The latter was so much better at understanding the issues rather than punishing the behaviour. This was pre -diagnosis - he wasn't diagnosed until he was 17.

How old is your son - do you have any options as to where he could go to school. Is the SENCO involved or is their an autism outreach service who could help the school undertand better?

Additioonal stress is trying to hold down a job when you know you have to drop everything if the school rings , plus fitting all the meetings and appointments. My boss is fantastic and lets me work very flexibiliy. I would have had to resign otherwise.

Hi there.

The most stressful thing I find is how the school reacts to my son's "behaviour" - i.e. how he behaves when unhappy, stressed or angry. Being at home and waiting for the phone to ring has been just a horrific experience at times. We feel totally blamed as parents when we get called in to "sort him out" and the whole situation threatens our relationship with my son.

The other thing I find stressful on a daily basis - although not on the same scale as the above, is his relationship with his siblings, which isn't at all good, and I grieve for what I would like them to have, but haven't got.

Hellsbells

#1 - Lack of sleep

Everything else seems easy in comparison. Our son's sleep has become a lot better over the last couple of years so its only really once a week where he wakes up anywhere from as early as 2 a.m. and then doesn't got back to sleep. He's now six and needs supervision as he is very active and would wreak havoc unsupervised. He used to be up in the night between three and four nights a week but we got him on melatonin which has really helped.