I cannot cope

Hi.

I've posted before and I'm trying to do all the right thingsI. I have a 10-year-old who is on the way to being diagnosed. She spends every single day in her bedroom.she swears at me she won't wash her neck is absolutely dirty her hair is filthy she argues all the time. She will only eat what she wants to eat and chucks her food on the floor.

I went to social services for some help because she was attacking me when I was trying to get her to go to sleep without her phone or computer and they said to give it her for now. This is because of the violence towards me.I don't really see as a single parent going through a divorce from a controlling ex partner in the middle of a divorce how I can cope. No matter what I try with her she works against it.

I don't have a support system as I've been in a controlling marriage for 15 years.I'm now having to go through the courts to keep her father away from her because he threatened to kill himself in front of her 3 weeks ago and the police have been involved.l have a molestation order.

and I'm left dealing with her daily with no help even though I've asked for help from social services I've got cams involved and they have come round and when they visited she's been all lovely and everything and they've said all yes you're doing the right thing don't wworry.They said we won't get involved because we don't want to label her.you're doing the right thing with the diagnosis because we believe there some autistic traits there.

I think I'm very depressed because I've been in an abusive relationship for so long and I I'm thinking that maybe in 6 months time if I'm still in the same situation if I haven't gone completely mad and she's just going to have to go into care. That makes me sound like the mos un caring mother ever but what choice do I have to do when I have a child that won't leave her room chucks food around his violent won't listen to me.argues all the time is abusive to me and I can't seem to turn the control around. Im  doing all the right things so that she'll listen to me and we can move forward with our lives.

I've been told that it could take up to 2 years for her to be diagnosed. The way things are going with the house and my life at the moment I can't see me be here in 2 years time if it carries on like this.

I'm so lonely and just being pushed from Piller to post by the NHS and doctor. The doctors is at the top of the road and they won't come and see her. She won't go out.

I'm in Derbyshire and lv just about had enough.

Parents
  • Hi, I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through what sounds like an extremely complex situation. There’s quite a lot of factors here so I’m going to try to address one at a time.

    Firstly, there’s you. You’re trying to recover from an extremely abusive relationship and deal with ongoing leftover issues from that. On top of that you’re also having to deal with a daughter who, regardless of the reason, is behaving in an extremely abusive way towards you. You also mention that you don’t have a support network. I think it might be wise for you to see your GP to discuss your situation as they maybe able to help you or refer you on to someone who can. If you get to the point where you have had enough and you are at risk of harming yourself then please contact the 24/7 mental health crisis team who will assess you ASAP. There are also services such as the Samaritans that you can phone to talk to, just to sound off if you need to do that. Sorry I don’t mean to seem condescending at all, I just think it’s important that your needs are addressed as well as those of your daughter

    http://www.derbyshirehealthcareft.nhs.uk/services/mental-health/crisis-teams/

    Secondly, waiting for a diagnosis is frustrating in any circumstances, I suspect it is more frustrating for you as it’s a hurdle that you need to get past before you can access certain services and support for your daughter and yourself. Your GP would know which assessment centre she has been referred to for assessment, why not ask your GP for the number then you could call the centre direct to find out where she is on the waiting list and how long it might take until assessment. It might also help to update the GP about the situation with your daughter and ask them to chase the assessment centre themselves.

    Thirdly, your daughter is also traumatised by your ex’s behaviour. I have to say that I’m very disappointed that neither social services or CAMS were prepared to help. Has she been given access to any counselling at all?

Reply
  • Hi, I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through what sounds like an extremely complex situation. There’s quite a lot of factors here so I’m going to try to address one at a time.

    Firstly, there’s you. You’re trying to recover from an extremely abusive relationship and deal with ongoing leftover issues from that. On top of that you’re also having to deal with a daughter who, regardless of the reason, is behaving in an extremely abusive way towards you. You also mention that you don’t have a support network. I think it might be wise for you to see your GP to discuss your situation as they maybe able to help you or refer you on to someone who can. If you get to the point where you have had enough and you are at risk of harming yourself then please contact the 24/7 mental health crisis team who will assess you ASAP. There are also services such as the Samaritans that you can phone to talk to, just to sound off if you need to do that. Sorry I don’t mean to seem condescending at all, I just think it’s important that your needs are addressed as well as those of your daughter

    http://www.derbyshirehealthcareft.nhs.uk/services/mental-health/crisis-teams/

    Secondly, waiting for a diagnosis is frustrating in any circumstances, I suspect it is more frustrating for you as it’s a hurdle that you need to get past before you can access certain services and support for your daughter and yourself. Your GP would know which assessment centre she has been referred to for assessment, why not ask your GP for the number then you could call the centre direct to find out where she is on the waiting list and how long it might take until assessment. It might also help to update the GP about the situation with your daughter and ask them to chase the assessment centre themselves.

    Thirdly, your daughter is also traumatised by your ex’s behaviour. I have to say that I’m very disappointed that neither social services or CAMS were prepared to help. Has she been given access to any counselling at all?

Children
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