nt partners of autistic/aspergers

NAS18426 said:

I know just what you mean, I think! 

I have 2 kids on the spectrum, and the more we find out about Autism and Aspergers the more both me and my hubby think that he is on the spectrum too. It's great that there is information out there to enable us to reach these realisations, like this website! But undoubtedly there is more support for me as a parent than there is for me as a partner. There is a little respite care, there are activities, there are support groups, there are other parents at school. 

I don't know anyone else who's partner has spectrum traits or a diagnosis. 

I find it particularly hard because it often seems there is no room left in my life for me. Naturally I am optimistic, chaotic, impulsive and spontaneous. And now I am planning and scheduling. Everything is routine, planned, prepared for. I have to do it all for 3 other people and I often drop all the balls, because I'm not brilliant at this sort of thing! It's hard. I wouldn't change them, but sometimes it feels like I'm having to do an awful lot of changing who I am to fit around the three of them. There's no compromise, none of them flexing to fit round me. 

It's lonely too, because getting out of the house is hard. So much preparation for the shortest trip, which often it results in meltdown for someone regardless, and then I am left dealing with the fallout. But of course none of them like having people round here, they move things about, they may arrive or leave without enough warning, etc. The only friends I have left I only speak to over the internet, or they work with special needs in some capacity so they understand.

You're not alone, and I thank you for posting. Thank goodness for the internet eh? All the best hon x

you have my admiration, i dont know how id cope with 2 kids (1 kid) never mind my partner

when you said, theres no room left for me, yes, exactly, you get it, thats it

as for the part you said i put in bold , YES exactly, im ok with it more ok with it now than i have been, but that doesnt make it easy or stressless 

this is my life,i love him and i love us, but it can be stressful and it is a huge change to get used to, on my behalf , accepting autism means the things i want from him i cant get so i have to adapt to that, be it emotional support or jus thelp around the house

yes i dont know what id do if i could talk about this with people who get it, i try talking to family, but they dont understand what autism really is, they dont live with it every day, having people on here like yourself who really understand what its like

im so glad i came on here, beacause of posts like yours

thanks

NAS18426 said:

I know just what you mean, I think! 

I have 2 kids on the spectrum, and the more we find out about Autism and Aspergers the more both me and my hubby think that he is on the spectrum too. It's great that there is information out there to enable us to reach these realisations, like this website! But undoubtedly there is more support for me as a parent than there is for me as a partner. There is a little respite care, there are activities, there are support groups, there are other parents at school. 

I don't know anyone else who's partner has spectrum traits or a diagnosis. 

I find it particularly hard because it often seems there is no room left in my life for me. Naturally I am optimistic, chaotic, impulsive and spontaneous. And now I am planning and scheduling. Everything is routine, planned, prepared for. I have to do it all for 3 other people and I often drop all the balls, because I'm not brilliant at this sort of thing! It's hard. I wouldn't change them, but sometimes it feels like I'm having to do an awful lot of changing who I am to fit around the three of them. There's no compromise, none of them flexing to fit round me. 

It's lonely too, because getting out of the house is hard. So much preparation for the shortest trip, which often it results in meltdown for someone regardless, and then I am left dealing with the fallout. But of course none of them like having people round here, they move things about, they may arrive or leave without enough warning, etc. The only friends I have left I only speak to over the internet, or they work with special needs in some capacity so they understand.

You're not alone, and I thank you for posting. Thank goodness for the internet eh? All the best hon x

you have my admiration, i dont know how id cope with 2 kids (1 kid) never mind my partner

when you said, theres no room left for me, yes, exactly, you get it, thats it

as for the part you said i put in bold , YES exactly, im ok with it more ok with it now than i have been, but that doesnt make it easy or stressless 

this is my life,i love him and i love us, but it can be stressful and it is a huge change to get used to, on my behalf , accepting autism means the things i want from him i cant get so i have to adapt to that, be it emotional support or jus thelp around the house

yes i dont know what id do if i could talk about this with people who get it, i try talking to family, but they dont understand what autism really is, they dont live with it every day, having people on here like yourself who really understand what its like

im so glad i came on here, beacause of posts like yours

thanks