My son speaks to me in a nasty way.

IcedBaileys said:

Hello all.  This is my first post. 

My son has Aspergers and he is 6 1/2 years old.  My main issue with him at the moment is how he speaks to me and close friends and family. 

He seems to just snap at everything, the moment something is not quite as he wants it to be or if I ask him something, he just seems to speak in a nasty fashion.  I dont mean he swears at me, his voice is angry and he will growl. 

He is not like this at school, so it just seems to be how he is at home with me and his Dad, Grandma and Uncle and a few close friends.

I tell him to not speak like that, but I just feel over the years I have said that to him a thousand times.  I'm just not sure what action to take or how to try and make him understand that it is not nice.

It is not like he stays in a mood all day or for long, he will have his nasty moment and then be happy again, while I'm still left feeling hurt about how he was.

Any advice would be much appreciated, or even someone saying they have the same thing with there child.

I just feel so miserable right now, and if I'm honest ashamed of how he can be and how I appear to let him be, but I just don't know what to do.

Iced

 My 9 year old son in exactly the same.  He can be the perfect child at school but when he gets home he will explode.  Apparently this is quite common with ASD.  The effort it takes him to "fit in" at school is immense and he has to release the tension when he gets home.

We have had a couple of sessions with the child phycologist and she has advised us to basically ignore bad behaviour completely so as much as we want to tell him off or correct him we are to ignore it unless it is dangerous.  Sounds easy but it is not as we feel as parents we should have some sort of control.  We have implemented this as to be honest it works to a great extent.  There are still times when I react but on the whole we just walk away when he starts.  We also need make it clear to him what the consequences of bad behaviour and make sure the consequences are carried out.  So if we say if you do that we are not going to the playcentre on Friday.  If he does it we have to cancel the playcentre, we cannot give in and let him go anyway.   We always praise good behaviour but totally ignore the bad which can include threatening and swearing.  The other thing we have been told is that  things at home have to be as rigid at things at school.  He needs a very straight set of rules to follow to feel safe.  At first this felt really strange as we felt we were not loving him as we should.  It took us a long time to realise that giving in all the time was not doing him any favours. 

 

 

 

 

IcedBaileys said:

Hello all.  This is my first post. 

My son has Aspergers and he is 6 1/2 years old.  My main issue with him at the moment is how he speaks to me and close friends and family. 

He seems to just snap at everything, the moment something is not quite as he wants it to be or if I ask him something, he just seems to speak in a nasty fashion.  I dont mean he swears at me, his voice is angry and he will growl. 

He is not like this at school, so it just seems to be how he is at home with me and his Dad, Grandma and Uncle and a few close friends.

I tell him to not speak like that, but I just feel over the years I have said that to him a thousand times.  I'm just not sure what action to take or how to try and make him understand that it is not nice.

It is not like he stays in a mood all day or for long, he will have his nasty moment and then be happy again, while I'm still left feeling hurt about how he was.

Any advice would be much appreciated, or even someone saying they have the same thing with there child.

I just feel so miserable right now, and if I'm honest ashamed of how he can be and how I appear to let him be, but I just don't know what to do.

Iced

 My 9 year old son in exactly the same.  He can be the perfect child at school but when he gets home he will explode.  Apparently this is quite common with ASD.  The effort it takes him to "fit in" at school is immense and he has to release the tension when he gets home.

We have had a couple of sessions with the child phycologist and she has advised us to basically ignore bad behaviour completely so as much as we want to tell him off or correct him we are to ignore it unless it is dangerous.  Sounds easy but it is not as we feel as parents we should have some sort of control.  We have implemented this as to be honest it works to a great extent.  There are still times when I react but on the whole we just walk away when he starts.  We also need make it clear to him what the consequences of bad behaviour and make sure the consequences are carried out.  So if we say if you do that we are not going to the playcentre on Friday.  If he does it we have to cancel the playcentre, we cannot give in and let him go anyway.   We always praise good behaviour but totally ignore the bad which can include threatening and swearing.  The other thing we have been told is that  things at home have to be as rigid at things at school.  He needs a very straight set of rules to follow to feel safe.  At first this felt really strange as we felt we were not loving him as we should.  It took us a long time to realise that giving in all the time was not doing him any favours.