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How can I help me adult son ?

NAS49699

My son is 37 and has High functioning Asperger's I am his carer as well. I struggle every day, watching him suffer Cry  He has never had any friends, either through childhood or as an adult. As a parent I have tried to find ways of helping him find friends and get on in life.

He even tried "Meet up " and the two groups he joined where not very accepting of him . I even started my own support group for autisic adults in my area, it's doing extremely well. I had hoped my son would make friends with members who are so lovely, but it hasn't happened . To say I feel a failure as a parent is an understatement. Around us people are getting on with their lifes, have friends, partners, etc. He so wants to find someone to love him, get married, have children.

It breaks my heart into pieces seeing him looking at couples when we are out, or families with children. It's heartbreaking hearing my son saying I will die lonely & alone. As a result of how my sonCry feels, I take on his feelings .I have the chance of happiness with someone who loves me, but how can I plan my happiness knowing my son is unhappy ? I feel like am rubbing his face in it Cry 

The man who loves me knows all about my son and fully understands he will always come first. But is it really fair on me to except him to accept my life is not completely my own. My son has been let down by services yet again, and the progresd I'd made has now gone down the drain. He can be so negative and that's nearly every day .

I don't have anyone to talk to about how I feel, my extended family have their own problems to listen to mine. To the outside world I have no problems, God if only they knew. Wherever I go my son goes, I love him of course. But I want my life back, I want to live what life I have left happy with the man I love. People say supported living would be good for my son, but I would feel so guilty if he went into one. At home I know he's safe, does that sound silly ?

Sorry for all my moaning but am finding it hard to cope right now with all the negativity around me Frowning2️Sob

Parents

  • Hello,

    I come from a different perspective. I am the husband, who's wife has 2 ASD children.

    I called the NAS today to ask for support on how i can best help support my wife with the journey she goes through day in day out with the children. My personality lends me to want to read about ASD in academic terms, so i can tailor my behaviour and help the children, and my wife, have the most fulfilling life possible. However, my time with the children is small compared to hers, so i make it my aim to ensure my wife feels loved, and appreciated - but also, admired. The things she goes through and the fact that she is still standing here today are remarkable.

    Parents dealing with any "level" of ASD are in my opinion heroes.

    What i am finding and hoping people agree with me is that, the ASD traits, aren't necessarily the biggest issue, day to day. Of course they are an issue, but the secondary issues, such as depression, and loneliness, self-worth are the issues that compound themselves day in day out and have the most wide reaching affects. What can i do? I feel the state is letting us down at the moment.

    Any advice on things i could do better?

Reply

  • Hello,

    I come from a different perspective. I am the husband, who's wife has 2 ASD children.

    I called the NAS today to ask for support on how i can best help support my wife with the journey she goes through day in day out with the children. My personality lends me to want to read about ASD in academic terms, so i can tailor my behaviour and help the children, and my wife, have the most fulfilling life possible. However, my time with the children is small compared to hers, so i make it my aim to ensure my wife feels loved, and appreciated - but also, admired. The things she goes through and the fact that she is still standing here today are remarkable.

    Parents dealing with any "level" of ASD are in my opinion heroes.

    What i am finding and hoping people agree with me is that, the ASD traits, aren't necessarily the biggest issue, day to day. Of course they are an issue, but the secondary issues, such as depression, and loneliness, self-worth are the issues that compound themselves day in day out and have the most wide reaching affects. What can i do? I feel the state is letting us down at the moment.

    Any advice on things i could do better?

Children
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