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Self-injurious stimming?

Commander Lark

Hi, my Autistic 10yo son struggles to identify his emotions, and as a result can end up in quite a state when he's stressed/worried. He usually ends up feeling overwhelmed once he goes to bed, and I'll find him at the top of the stairs a couple of hours after putting him to bed saying he can't sleep, he feels sick, and covered in blood from where he's either picked at his skin, or bitten his lower lip! When I've talked to him about it he says it's not done on purpose (so not self-harming as such), he doesn't realise he's done it until he sees the blood. It seems to be what he does as he's lying there worrying. How can I help him find a safer/healthier way to deal with his stresses (& help him to recognise it better so he can talk to us about it!)?

Parents

  • Wow, so many replies! Thanks so much for your help, you've all given me a lot to think about. It's wonderful to get some insight from Autistic adults, as well as parents - as a NT parent it's sometimes difficult to 'get' what's going on with our children. Thanks all  - much appreciated.

  • in reply to Commander Lark

    I receive many updates from various websites connected with autism on my face book account. Yesterday there was one titled and which said. “What I do to help when I am having a MELTDOWN”.

    reading through the replies the majority just wanted to be alone . Some wanted to be alone but with something which is sensory, others needed to be left alone but know someone was close by but not trying to communicate.

    All needed time to re settle or re adjust. Finding out what causes the lip biting won’t be easy as the child may not actually know themselves. Finding out what gives a feeling of comfort and security is essential, it won’t ever be the same for each child, but time to allow whatever it is to pass will be part of it. 

    For me sitting in a field completely on my own just watching nature would be my ideal, but as an adult I sneak off to the toilet or try to focus more on something anything to try and cut out the thing causing me stress.

    A sudden thought just popped into my head, I never liked going to bed, the whole process seemed wrong, invariably I wasn’t tired, so why get into bed and pretend to sleep. That was my lack of understanding that you just have to sleep,, they are the rules!

    for me surely I should sleep when I fall asleep?

    So lay awake for hours trying to lay still, wondering why as I wasn’t tired, hearing the sounds around me, my brother breathing, cars driving about outside, I knew the world was still awake elsewhere. So for me it was making no sense to even try. Phew,,, sudden realisation of why I hated the ritual of it all.

    We are all so very different, but mostly understand where we are coming from.

    glad the replies have given you some insight as to how our lives are.

  • in reply to ) (

    What a brilliant reply! I relate so much with wanting to be alone etc or getting away and focusing on other things they are the main things that help me most days. 

    But what you said about sleeping OMG!!!! I’ve never been able to explain that or know why it’s always been such a struggle but you explained it brilliantly. I still feel that way to this day our minds just don’t stop when we want them to!! I can be yawning like crazy and still not feel tired. 

    But yes brilliant response I hope this young mans dad can get some benefit out of understanding a bit more how we think about bed time. 

Reply
  • in reply to ) (

    What a brilliant reply! I relate so much with wanting to be alone etc or getting away and focusing on other things they are the main things that help me most days. 

    But what you said about sleeping OMG!!!! I’ve never been able to explain that or know why it’s always been such a struggle but you explained it brilliantly. I still feel that way to this day our minds just don’t stop when we want them to!! I can be yawning like crazy and still not feel tired. 

    But yes brilliant response I hope this young mans dad can get some benefit out of understanding a bit more how we think about bed time. 

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