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Meltdown or tantrum?

NAS39316

My daughter is 7, we are currently going through the assessments so no formal diagnosis yet. 

Recently her behaviour is getting pretty bad at home, I’m struggling to tell if these are meltdowns or just tantrums. Usually her triggers are fairly obvious however at the moment they all seem to be caused by her not getting her own way or having to change games etc to accommodate her sisters wants. 

I don’t know if I should be disciplining this sort of behaviour or not. I don’t want to make her feel bad for something she can’t control but equally I don’t want her thinking it’s ok to throw wooden broom sticks at people because they want to play something different! 

Any advice?

Parents

  • I think the main difference between a tantrum and a meltdown is that a tantrum is attention seeking, an attempt to get your own way, whereas a meltdown is the result of mental or physical overload, and requires time out and quiet. But she needs to learn how to control her tantrums, especially if she may harm someone or herself.

    I don't think it's possible to "discipline" a meltdown, only to try to alleviate the cause.

    As nexus9 has already said, she may need to be removed from the situation, or be encouraged to vent her anger at something else. For example, "stress balls", tearing up newspapers or thumping cushions works for my son.

    Interrupting his special interest (computing) always provokes anger, but it can be much reduced by giving him at least 15 minutes prior warning of the change, with a reminder every 5 minutes. (I realise you may well already be doing something like this yourself, but thought it worth mentioning in case.)

Reply

  • I think the main difference between a tantrum and a meltdown is that a tantrum is attention seeking, an attempt to get your own way, whereas a meltdown is the result of mental or physical overload, and requires time out and quiet. But she needs to learn how to control her tantrums, especially if she may harm someone or herself.

    I don't think it's possible to "discipline" a meltdown, only to try to alleviate the cause.

    As nexus9 has already said, she may need to be removed from the situation, or be encouraged to vent her anger at something else. For example, "stress balls", tearing up newspapers or thumping cushions works for my son.

    Interrupting his special interest (computing) always provokes anger, but it can be much reduced by giving him at least 15 minutes prior warning of the change, with a reminder every 5 minutes. (I realise you may well already be doing something like this yourself, but thought it worth mentioning in case.)

Children
  • in reply to Misheard Lyrics

    I don’t think it’s attention seeking, she never does it at school, it’s only happened once out of the house. It’s never because she wants something like toys or sweets (infact she’s very good at knowing no means no), it’s nearly always because she is either worried about something or because she can’t control the situation. I just wonder if things like wanting to choose what to watch on tv is her being a madam or her having already planned it out in her head.

    we do count downs and reminders when possible which do help, I think I need to get a firmer grip on this whole routine thing. I never really thought she was that routine led but maybe she’s just not telling me!