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Daughters sudden irrational fear of school toilet

NAS39248

Hi 

I know this is quite a strange one but my 7yr old (awaiting diagnosis)  has suddenly refused to use the toilet at school. It started when her year 3 ones were out of order so she had to use year 6 ones she refused to do this as it was not right as she was in year 3, that I understood (sort of) but now she says she can't go in the normal ones as they might break this has led to several near misses last week as it's a long walk home and yesterday the poor girl actually tried to go but ended up having an accident which really upset her. Luckily it was at the end of the day so other children didnt notice we all know how cruel they can be. But she still had to walk home in wet clothes, which led to 4 hours of crying. I hate seeing her this upset does anyone have any tips on overcoming this fear as I'm at a loss 

Thank you and sorry for the rambling 

  • in reply to NAS36609

    Thank you for the replies, my daughters teacher has been brilliant since it got to accident point and has reminded her and let her go when no one else is in there. My daughter wasn't happy about going but it was less of a problem so hopefully she can get through this 

    Again thanks for the help

  • I had this problem too in school. Unfortunately it was never addressed and as we had rules that made it even more uncomfortable to go (e.g. we could only go during break times when they were busy and other pupils would mess about in there), I simply got through it by not drinking during the day and therefore not using the toilet until I got home. I still do this as an adult in my workplace and when out and about, and I know of other autistic adults who do the same. It’s not at all healthy but it is an anxiety that is hard to break if there is not somewhere you are comfortable going.

    The only things I can suggest are to discuss the matter with your daughter, reassure her regarding any of her anxieties with concrete evidence (e.g. just saying the toilets won’t break isn’t going to work) and work with the school to allow her to go to the toilet she prefers at the times she prefers (for example, toilets that she is familiar with during class times when they will be quieter). The key is to know exactly what your daughter’s anxieties are then you can work to address them and therefore help her to overcome this issue. 

  • It's not unusual my 7 year old with a diagnosis did this last year but for similar reasons - there was a fan that made a noise, a leaky pipe, had to use different toilets when they were being repaired etc. Being a boy he held on all day and then embarassingly would run off to wee in a lay by where we were parked - and the residents around the school complain about the cars!!! We spoke to the class teacher and TA who used to remind him to go and accompany him to the toilet.  It turned out he liked using the toilets that he used in reception and year 1 probably because they were the most familiar so they let him use those, so perhaps your daughter has a favourite toilet.  It did pass and now he has moved classes he happily uses the one he is supposed to. The school should be understanding and willing to help because its such a small adjustment to make to ensure she is comfortable and able to learn.  Good luck