wont use schools 'safe space'

Has anyone got any tips to encourage a child to use a 'safe space' when they are overwhelmed.

Currently my child runs and hides and his school are really struggling with this.  They have made it very clear I have to get him using a safe space. 

I have made a nice box of things up for him but he doesn't like the idea at all, so we are starting with a very negative stance. 

Parents
  • I hope this doesn't sound too negative or cynical, but it doesn't sound to me like the school quite have this right. For two reasons...

    • Autistic people often aren't good at taking an idea from one situation and using it in another. Even if you do find something which works reliably at home, there is little guarantee that it would work at school too.
    • He's trying to hide. What is the point in trying to hide somewhere that you know you will be found?

    Surely the school should be more concerned about why he wants to hide and what or who he is trying to hide from. Whatever these things are, they are a product of the school environment, not his home. It is not a "safe space" at all if it isn't somewhere that he feels safe. Whether they haven't thought of this, or are simply trying to pass the buck, they need to rethink their approach. Your input may be vital, because you best know his sensitivities and comfort preferences, but ultimately any solution has to take the school environment into account.

  • Thank you for this  - it was really helpful as I had a similar feeling to you but you expressed it more clearly.  Its given me a something to structure talking to the school about. I think they heard some of it. 

  • I'm very glad to hear that you found my post useful, thankyou!

    Something else occurred to me to just after I logged off for the night, and it may actually be the most important thing of all (my autistic brain does this to me rather a lot!)

    Like your son, I occasionally have the "flee and hide" reaction to overstimulation. When my brain has reached that point, I am no longer rational. Afterwards, I usually have no idea how I came to find myself in my hiding place, and witnesses to this have described how I seem to have no comprehension of their words, and treat them simply as obstacles rather than as people. If I escape to the outside, I usually come to my senses in a green space like a park or churchyard. Quite how I do this without ever having had an accident of some kind, I have no idea; but I'm obviously not navigating to any particular location, my brain just knows what it's looking for when it finds it.

    If the school are waiting for your son's "fight or flight" response before considering the "safe space", then they are waiting too long before intervening. Trying to impose rules for what he should do may be pointless, because by that stage, he may not be rational enough to remember them or follow them. For sure, not all such events can be prevented, and a place to recover is essential once it has happened. However, a "safe space" might be better used to allow him to cool-off when there are early warning signs, so that he doesn't have these episodes at all (or at least, so often.)

    The idea that melt-downs and shut-downs are somehow wilful behaviour ("tantrums") on the part of an autistic person is one of the most pervasive misconceptions that people have. I wonder whether the school have fallen into thinking this way about his running and hiding, and need to recognise that, once triggered, there is nothing that can prevent a melt-down from running its course.

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  • I'm very glad to hear that you found my post useful, thankyou!

    Something else occurred to me to just after I logged off for the night, and it may actually be the most important thing of all (my autistic brain does this to me rather a lot!)

    Like your son, I occasionally have the "flee and hide" reaction to overstimulation. When my brain has reached that point, I am no longer rational. Afterwards, I usually have no idea how I came to find myself in my hiding place, and witnesses to this have described how I seem to have no comprehension of their words, and treat them simply as obstacles rather than as people. If I escape to the outside, I usually come to my senses in a green space like a park or churchyard. Quite how I do this without ever having had an accident of some kind, I have no idea; but I'm obviously not navigating to any particular location, my brain just knows what it's looking for when it finds it.

    If the school are waiting for your son's "fight or flight" response before considering the "safe space", then they are waiting too long before intervening. Trying to impose rules for what he should do may be pointless, because by that stage, he may not be rational enough to remember them or follow them. For sure, not all such events can be prevented, and a place to recover is essential once it has happened. However, a "safe space" might be better used to allow him to cool-off when there are early warning signs, so that he doesn't have these episodes at all (or at least, so often.)

    The idea that melt-downs and shut-downs are somehow wilful behaviour ("tantrums") on the part of an autistic person is one of the most pervasive misconceptions that people have. I wonder whether the school have fallen into thinking this way about his running and hiding, and need to recognise that, once triggered, there is nothing that can prevent a melt-down from running its course.

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