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Upcoming 18th for Autistic

NAS38671

Hello..  we have an 18th birthday fast approaching for a Autistic boy, issue is when you ask him what he wants for Birthday he says Thomas the Tank engine.  I feel as he will be 18 buying him Thomas gifts won’t be helping.   He already has loads of Thomas things.  Other things on his birthday list are toys aimed  at 7 years old.  Advice would very much be appreciated 

  • It's hard to give him something he does not like.  It will just upset him.  You can give him Thomas with activity and then you can take him to an actual trip on the train (if he wants to).  This will be an exciting experience for him. 

  • in reply to Song

    I don't know where you are in the world but my family took me for an awesome visit to the national railway museum in York 3 years ago for my  birthday, totally amazing, they have my favourite engine there (the Mallard )

  • I agree with what the 3 people above me have already said but I have to as why you think Thomas and the other toys are such a problem? These are things your son loves, surely you would rather spend your money on something that your son loves and will think the world of than some more socially acceptable grown up gift that he will have little or no interest in.

    What would it not be helping? His happiness? His well-being? His feelings?

  • I agree with the sentiments of others expressed here. It is best to get him something related to what he has asked for or else he will be disappointed, and whether something is intended for a child or not doesn’t really matter in all honesty. I mean, I know lots of (neurotypical) adults who are interested in LEGO, Disney, comics, Beanies, model toys and other things that are aimed at children, but I don’t find it strange in any way and they get great pleasure from these things. If you can’t enjoy what you like in life then what is the purpose of it after all?

    If you really don’t want to get something you consider to be for children only, or more things similar to what your son already has, then why not consider compromising by example having a Thomas themed party and cake, but then having gifts that you want to get your son. Some of the suggestions given by Emma and Graham could also be utilised. I am sure there is a way to satisfy both parties in this scenario.

  • I will start by saying that to be honest, you can't stop him liking what he likes. Liking something aimed at younger people isn't hurting him or the people around him, so what exactly are you trying to 'help', or avoid 'not helping', in this scenario?
    If he's not bothered by whether he's the target demographic for things you can't force him into being so, and attempting to do so won't make anyone happy (you'll fail, he'll be disappointed at not getting what he wants for his birthday or even feel hurt by the attempt if he reads it as "people he cares about are ashamed of his interests").

    If you feel uncomfortable getting him something aimed at children, why not ask if he would like you to take him on an actual steam train? Some heritage railways even have Thomas the Tank Engine themed days where they use the trains with the faces! http://www.dayoutwiththomas.co.uk/locations/ I would ask in advance if they can make accommodations for any sensory needs he might have though- ear defenders on standby and all that! 

    Something like that is related to his interests, a 'big' present worthy of a landmark birthday and (I would guess) wouldn't cause you as much cognitive dissonance to purchase as a toy.