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When does it end?

struggling mum

Some may remember my previous posts about school discrimination relating to exclusion from school trip. Since then my HFA son has been temporarily excluded for hitting a student after the student physically threatened my son for 10 mins over a seating dispute for which my son was supposed to have had a reasonable adjustment in place. My sons Support simply observed rather than intervene. After more meetings with school and LEA than I care to remember both issues are being heard at tribunal in September. 

Talks are ongoing regarding the support he receives. My sons  place in the 'specialised' unit and support teachers in his mainstream lessons. My son spends majority of the time In mainstream but the unit is a base. For a long time my son has hated 'being in the unit' he feels stigmatized (his 15) and feels that and the support in lessons are of no benefit and antagonise him. I fail to see what benefit they provide. I never get an answer regarding what they actually do and evidence that they don't intervene when his clearly distressed. 

I and he want to reject all support. I feel outcome will be the same because current support of no benefit. Recent meeting suggested support provided by school not LEA and suggested applying for statement to have clear guidance of what support will actually be provided. This sounds good in theory. Problem is because of my sons experiences of support he will not consent to discussion of or of having any support. Statement process also advise requirement of medical which will be obvious to do with his Aspergers and he will not consent. 

If I reject support and his totally mainstream he may be excluded. Why? Because they fail to implement a culture of inclusivity and fail to tackle discriminatory language which is a big trigger for my son. I considered moving him but he'll be starting his final year and any other school massive change and require public transport. Bee

I want to do best for my son and his education. Another meeting scheduled next week. Me, school and LEA fed up of each other. 

End of term trip in couple of weeks, one he would of love. His been told he can't go. Will be informing the school and LEA that he won't be going in that day or the next as will take him away myself. They can fine me, prosecute me I don't care. His not sitting in school again while his mates are at a theme park. 

If you got this far thank you for reading. My question is when will the ignorance end??!! My son is a human being who wants to be given the same chance as others and it breaks my heart when his not. Any suggestions that will get us both through this final year would be much appreciated x

Parents

  • They really don't seem to have a clue what they are doing. I wasn't diagnosed at school but due to my "erratic" behaviour, I was packed off to see an educational psychologist once a fortnight. I can empathise with your sons situation of feeling stigmatized. I didn't really have a problem with the other kids bullying me over it, my problem was with a few teachers trying to use it as a taunt or an excuse to exercise unfair treatment. My mom and dad were dragged over the coals constantly too and we have spoke repeatedly over the years about it. The whole affair wasn't fair on them, me, or the majority of teachers who were competently teaching me.

    I don't know a solution though. My mom wrote to a few schools and requested a change when I was 14. All but one said they would take me as I was academically gifted. I hated the situation I was in but I was terrified of change. A new school was the last thing I needed in my mind. I'd managed to settle in with the other kids, also things were different then and fighting was a way to stop people being bullies. A year went by and the situation didn't get any better. Mom got in touch with a teacher who had said their school would accept me and they said yes again. I didn't leave because I was afraid of change and there seemed to be no point as there was only a year left. I got expelled 2 months before the final exams. Left with nothing.

    It sounds like some weird paradox of over-supervision that is supposed to be support which hangs a target on his head but he can't retaliate because he has support who over-supervise him. This is just my opinion but if you can try and get him to keep his nose clean and basically reject the support. It sounds as useful as a chocolate fireguard, in fact it sound like it causes him more distress than it's worth. They sound like they are getting paid for nothing, so why should they earn anything.

    I'd try explaining that a year seems long now but in a few years time a year goes quickly and that most of the kids that he is either friends or enemies with he will never see again. That's how it will work and there aren't many exceptions. I had a temper at school but I really hope your son can try and understand that in a few years time he will won't care about the school or the people there and try and control his temper. That's just my opinion but I hope it helps.

    BTW I don't normally approve of violence but personally I'm glad he got to hit the kid who was threatening him. That situation sounds horrific and in the back of my mind it sounds like the kid who was threatening him thought that he was safe because the "support" would control the situation to his advantage. I hope a few kids took note too, they normally do.

    All the best to you, your son and the rest of you family. I'm rooting for you.

Reply

  • They really don't seem to have a clue what they are doing. I wasn't diagnosed at school but due to my "erratic" behaviour, I was packed off to see an educational psychologist once a fortnight. I can empathise with your sons situation of feeling stigmatized. I didn't really have a problem with the other kids bullying me over it, my problem was with a few teachers trying to use it as a taunt or an excuse to exercise unfair treatment. My mom and dad were dragged over the coals constantly too and we have spoke repeatedly over the years about it. The whole affair wasn't fair on them, me, or the majority of teachers who were competently teaching me.

    I don't know a solution though. My mom wrote to a few schools and requested a change when I was 14. All but one said they would take me as I was academically gifted. I hated the situation I was in but I was terrified of change. A new school was the last thing I needed in my mind. I'd managed to settle in with the other kids, also things were different then and fighting was a way to stop people being bullies. A year went by and the situation didn't get any better. Mom got in touch with a teacher who had said their school would accept me and they said yes again. I didn't leave because I was afraid of change and there seemed to be no point as there was only a year left. I got expelled 2 months before the final exams. Left with nothing.

    It sounds like some weird paradox of over-supervision that is supposed to be support which hangs a target on his head but he can't retaliate because he has support who over-supervise him. This is just my opinion but if you can try and get him to keep his nose clean and basically reject the support. It sounds as useful as a chocolate fireguard, in fact it sound like it causes him more distress than it's worth. They sound like they are getting paid for nothing, so why should they earn anything.

    I'd try explaining that a year seems long now but in a few years time a year goes quickly and that most of the kids that he is either friends or enemies with he will never see again. That's how it will work and there aren't many exceptions. I had a temper at school but I really hope your son can try and understand that in a few years time he will won't care about the school or the people there and try and control his temper. That's just my opinion but I hope it helps.

    BTW I don't normally approve of violence but personally I'm glad he got to hit the kid who was threatening him. That situation sounds horrific and in the back of my mind it sounds like the kid who was threatening him thought that he was safe because the "support" would control the situation to his advantage. I hope a few kids took note too, they normally do.

    All the best to you, your son and the rest of you family. I'm rooting for you.

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