When does it end?

They really don't seem to have a clue what they are doing. I wasn't diagnosed at school but due to my "erratic" behaviour, I was packed off to see an educational psychologist once a fortnight. I can empathise with your sons situation of feeling stigmatized. I didn't really have a problem with the other kids bullying me over it, my problem was with a few teachers trying to use it as a taunt or an excuse to exercise unfair treatment. My mom and dad were dragged over the coals constantly too and we have spoke repeatedly over the years about it. The whole affair wasn't fair on them, me, or the majority of teachers who were competently teaching me.

I don't know a solution though. My mom wrote to a few schools and requested a change when I was 14. All but one said they would take me as I was academically gifted. I hated the situation I was in but I was terrified of change. A new school was the last thing I needed in my mind. I'd managed to settle in with the other kids, also things were different then and fighting was a way to stop people being bullies. A year went by and the situation didn't get any better. Mom got in touch with a teacher who had said their school would accept me and they said yes again. I didn't leave because I was afraid of change and there seemed to be no point as there was only a year left. I got expelled 2 months before the final exams. Left with nothing.

It sounds like some weird paradox of over-supervision that is supposed to be support which hangs a target on his head but he can't retaliate because he has support who over-supervise him. This is just my opinion but if you can try and get him to keep his nose clean and basically reject the support. It sounds as useful as a chocolate fireguard, in fact it sound like it causes him more distress than it's worth. They sound like they are getting paid for nothing, so why should they earn anything.

I'd try explaining that a year seems long now but in a few years time a year goes quickly and that most of the kids that he is either friends or enemies with he will never see again. That's how it will work and there aren't many exceptions. I had a temper at school but I really hope your son can try and understand that in a few years time he will won't care about the school or the people there and try and control his temper. That's just my opinion but I hope it helps.

BTW I don't normally approve of violence but personally I'm glad he got to hit the kid who was threatening him. That situation sounds horrific and in the back of my mind it sounds like the kid who was threatening him thought that he was safe because the "support" would control the situation to his advantage. I hope a few kids took note too, they normally do.

All the best to you, your son and the rest of you family. I'm rooting for you.

DragonCat16 said:

Do you really want your son to have to put up with that type of environment for another whole year?

It's not helping the mental health of either, is it?

It's all very well being able to claim the moral high ground, but it isn't a lot of fun being a martyr.

Fight battles you can actually win. 

I think you and your son may need to make a tough decision regarding your son's future at that school. As before, I am absolutely disgusted by how your son has been treated.

You ask when the ignorance will end. I think you and everyone else reading this thread know the answer to that. If it does end at all, it will be after your son is finished with school.

Therefore I think you should seriously consider a transfer to a different school.

What they have done and are doing is illegal. Even though the law is on your side, it would take a lot of time and effort and a miracle for anything to change. They clearly don't want to treat your son fairly. Do you really want your son to have to put up with that type of environment for another whole year?

• Thank you Cassandro for your reply. You summed up excellently the issues there. 

The school has had me in tears again today. Couple of weeks is work experience and involves trip to theme park his already been excluded from - no reason given now the tour round the college apparently he may be excluded from too. It's utter ignorance and discrimination in its most transparent form. Pure heartbreaking. Plan of action is if they confirm his unable to participate then I shall withdraw him for the week and I'm trying to arrange some work experience and shall take him to another themepark myself.

I have no words for the injustice shown to my son. I feel they have used his diagnosis to stigmatize and discriminate against him. Sorry for rant just struggling with my emotions right now x

I'm not a parent, but sympathise. It sounds like a mainstream school with a special needs unit is appropriate, but you've got a few different problems there:
(a) the discrimination from students from being associated with the unit, which shouldn't happen, so that's something for the school to sort out with training and their 'inclusivity' practice;
(b) discrimination from staff around out-of-school activities, which may be to do with whoever normally provides the support(?);
(c) no clarity over what the support actually is or how it relates to what your son needs.

I think it would be good if everyone can agree how the seating dispute could have been resolved in a way that suited your son. If the EHCP is offered, you might want to pursue it as something that is outside the staff and system you've been working with so far.

I think we're making progress, autistic people and parents alike, but it's slow.  Good luck.