Help with meltdowns

You have identified two areas which could certainly contribute to meltdown propensity: family changes and understanding what has gone on with the diagnosis process.

People on the spectrum have to work things out for themselves, unless someone is kind enough to talk them through it. "Knowledge" helps to overcome anxiety - I can cite Tony Attwood for this - Complete Guide... p182.

Most children will have difficulty sorting out family issues or health matters. What they'll do is talk it through with peers, other adults (including aunts and uncles, teachers, parents of school friends) etc.

You describe your own feelings "my head feels like its constantly going round and round but not coming up with anything new!".  But at least you can externalise this - your husband, other family members, this website.

Your son cannot externalise problems the way Neurotypicals do. This is because of the social communication and interaction difficulty. Family changes such as your ex husband remarrying, being his father, he is internalising entirely. How he perceives the process of diagnoses is entirely in his head. How his brother reacts to his diagnosis is manifest to him as reactions he may not be able to talk round.

What he will get from others is unintelligible bits of information that add to what's spinning round in his head.

If you cannot engage effectively in social interchange, you experience extraordinary isolation. Misunderstandings will develop, manyfold. There's no safety valve. So meltdowns manifest insurmountable internal muddles and confusions and the anxieties generated.

You have identified two areas which could certainly contribute to meltdown propensity: family changes and understanding what has gone on with the diagnosis process.

People on the spectrum have to work things out for themselves, unless someone is kind enough to talk them through it. "Knowledge" helps to overcome anxiety - I can cite Tony Attwood for this - Complete Guide... p182.

Most children will have difficulty sorting out family issues or health matters. What they'll do is talk it through with peers, other adults (including aunts and uncles, teachers, parents of school friends) etc.

You describe your own feelings "my head feels like its constantly going round and round but not coming up with anything new!".  But at least you can externalise this - your husband, other family members, this website.

Your son cannot externalise problems the way Neurotypicals do. This is because of the social communication and interaction difficulty. Family changes such as your ex husband remarrying, being his father, he is internalising entirely. How he perceives the process of diagnoses is entirely in his head. How his brother reacts to his diagnosis is manifest to him as reactions he may not be able to talk round.

What he will get from others is unintelligible bits of information that add to what's spinning round in his head.

If you cannot engage effectively in social interchange, you experience extraordinary isolation. Misunderstandings will develop, manyfold. There's no safety valve. So meltdowns manifest insurmountable internal muddles and confusions and the anxieties generated.