Help with meltdowns

Hi there

Very tough times you are going through.  I agree with what Longman has said though, my son has a build up of things over hours, days, weeks and eventually something which seems irrational to a NT is the "straw that broke the camels back".  My son has colours to indicate how he is feeling - to show to those around him.  Those around also have to be mindful to ask what colour are you on as he will not remember to tell them and may appear fine on the outside as he tries to conform and cope. 

There is a book called "The Incredible 5 Point Scale" which you may be able to get from NAS library and we have found helpful as it helps my son express himself before the meltdown....mostly.  In the meantime, does he have something to take his frustration out on - beanbag, pillow, trampoline.  My son is 10 and I know I would be dealing with meltdowns if he had to share a bedroom.  A very difficult situation for you.  Just a random idea but could one of them sleep on a sofa bed in lounge?  I know it is not very practical but if it meant an aggression free house it may be worth a try.  He will feel a lot of attachment to the bedroom space so may be better he stays put.

Many Aspergers kids are very sensitive to any rejection, name calling, unfairness etc. and it may be something someone said to him that has gone straight to the heart and he does not have the tools to deal with.  Very often there is the overflow from coping at school - noise, lots of people with different communication styles, unfairness, pulling faces, name calling (no matter how mild), changes and it goes on.  You may well be aware of all this already and have ruled these points out.  We gave lots of praise and reward at home and reassurance that our son was a good person because he felt a failure after a meltdown.  It provided a distraction and he felt safe with us.  Each situation is so different though.

Does he get support at school and do you have access to specialists to advise you?

One other outside chance, I have heard that often people with Autism have the onset of puberty a wee bit earlier.  I have not investigated enough to prove or disprove but something to bear in mind.  Puberty must be hell for people on the spectrum.

Hoping things improve for you, they normally do and that is when I crash from the emotional strain of it all.  Thankfully we do always seem to come through it, learn more and get stronger.

He is very lucky to have your unconditional love and that you are searching for a way to improve things for you all.

Best wishes

Hi there

Very tough times you are going through.  I agree with what Longman has said though, my son has a build up of things over hours, days, weeks and eventually something which seems irrational to a NT is the "straw that broke the camels back".  My son has colours to indicate how he is feeling - to show to those around him.  Those around also have to be mindful to ask what colour are you on as he will not remember to tell them and may appear fine on the outside as he tries to conform and cope. 

There is a book called "The Incredible 5 Point Scale" which you may be able to get from NAS library and we have found helpful as it helps my son express himself before the meltdown....mostly.  In the meantime, does he have something to take his frustration out on - beanbag, pillow, trampoline.  My son is 10 and I know I would be dealing with meltdowns if he had to share a bedroom.  A very difficult situation for you.  Just a random idea but could one of them sleep on a sofa bed in lounge?  I know it is not very practical but if it meant an aggression free house it may be worth a try.  He will feel a lot of attachment to the bedroom space so may be better he stays put.

Many Aspergers kids are very sensitive to any rejection, name calling, unfairness etc. and it may be something someone said to him that has gone straight to the heart and he does not have the tools to deal with.  Very often there is the overflow from coping at school - noise, lots of people with different communication styles, unfairness, pulling faces, name calling (no matter how mild), changes and it goes on.  You may well be aware of all this already and have ruled these points out.  We gave lots of praise and reward at home and reassurance that our son was a good person because he felt a failure after a meltdown.  It provided a distraction and he felt safe with us.  Each situation is so different though.

Does he get support at school and do you have access to specialists to advise you?

One other outside chance, I have heard that often people with Autism have the onset of puberty a wee bit earlier.  I have not investigated enough to prove or disprove but something to bear in mind.  Puberty must be hell for people on the spectrum.

Hoping things improve for you, they normally do and that is when I crash from the emotional strain of it all.  Thankfully we do always seem to come through it, learn more and get stronger.

He is very lucky to have your unconditional love and that you are searching for a way to improve things for you all.

Best wishes