Published on 12, July, 2020
3rd time in about 6 months now. This time he really went for it.
First two times hes thrown things at me - albeit 2nd time a large battery.
This time he decided to dig me in the stomach because he didnt agree with me telling him off for something. We went outside and I did grab him and tell him to cut it out (probably not best idea thinking about). But then he started swinging, hit me a few times cut my lip etc.
One thing I didnt hit him back although I felt like it.
Really don't know what to do. I could have phoned the police I guess and got him taken to the cells (this is what CAMHS are telling us to do).
Dont know what to do. For now, we;ve removed his PC, his mobile, his bedroom door.
Hes all sorry but this is not the first time. With a wife whos smaller than him and a 4 year old sister (hes lost his temper with her in the past) I just dont know what to do.
One thing I just don't understand is his total lack of seeing consequences. In all honesty, all he sees is his PC - nothing else matters. Even his OCD doesnt stress him - he treats it as more of an inconveniece that takes him away from his PC. Which I guess is why hes not interested in taking time to do things the counsellor asks - its more time away from PC, easier to just continue as is? Dunno.
One thing I don't understand. Last week we almost called the police. He knows this and he knows how serious it was. He was VERY upset afterwards.
Thing is this week hes forgotten about it. Hes back to his old ways. No effort to do anything at all and still playing up. Its almost as if the potential risk of having the police called, maybe being arrested is not even entering into his thoughts at all? Surely most people would be mortified that they might be arrested, it would worry them and they'd make sure it didn't happen? Is the Aspergers makign him like this?
We did take his PC/phone away. It was more of a way to try and focus him a little to spend time thinking about things and realise how things needed to change. If he had his PC we know there is no chance of anything else.
So this week hes found his mobile phone and sneeked it out and got caught. I did tell him his behaviour was unacceptable and it almost kicked off again - I had no choice but to let it go. Last night then we caught him on his PC at 1am when he knows hes not supposed to be!
Yet hes constantly asking to have his PC back. I just don;t get how he seems to not even appreciate when things are not right. Does he really think that going behind our back is going to go unnoticed?
Not so much punishment as realising that things need to change.
IS this Aspergers behaviour?
If you say 'his OCD doesnt stress him', then it's probably not OCD. It's more probably stimming or special interests related to autism. The strength of the special interests may not seem rational.
I'm not a parent, but some thoughts anyway. Offering PC time as a reward might work, but really trying to get him to do what you want may be counterproductive. He may come around to doing what you want eventually, and he may learn to cope with distress without his usual coping mechanisms. Or not. I hope you can find a way to 'de-escalate' the violence - with autistic people, even more than with others, this involves less stimulation and a period of peace and calm and doing what he wants.
I'd just try to find something of common interest so you can communicate. There may be a lot of listening involved before he will listen to you. I presume you want him to start doing things for himself, but he may be scared of what that means, unless you can explain the need in detail and express it as a small, simple positive request, and then allow time.
Weird last night. He went to toilet and had shower in 20 minutes.
Asked him what was different this time - was it because he didn't feel strressed and why sometimes it took an hour or more. His answer? Nah dunno I just tried to be quicker.
Perhaps the sheets he is filling in is allowing him to focus a bit more on the time taken. Good news.
As others have said, maybe the OCD is now fading away and its become more of a habit. Fingers crossed.
Wise words, Cassandro.
I nagged my teenage AS son, now 22, to come off his computer games when I thought he should be studying or getting some fresh air and exercise, whilst his dad spent/spends 14+ hours a day in the next room in front of a screen working - programming (maybe?). You can see the contradiction here and a value judgement from me about my son’s poor computer usage 'playing' vs my husband’s 'work'.
Anyway, I hadn’t appreciated how much my son was learning during that screen time - about physics, history, philosophy, chess and all sorts of things. He didn’t really communicate about what he was doing. He didn’t always play games, as I’d assumed, he had a world class library at his finger tips, after all! He tells me anyone under 35 doesn’t watch TV, they watch YouTube.
Can you share any of your son’s online interests (or any other interest) to make a more positive connection? If not, maybe he just needs that time, alone, online. A lot of working out is going on in the teenage brain.
I am very saddened to hear about the violence, for all of you. Would you feel confortable to talk to anyone at his school about this? School might be able to help or assist with access to services, if necessary.
There’s lots more I want to say but believe it or not it has taken me more than an hour of screen time to read through problem, answers and edit my stream of consciousness into this reply….