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i can't even look at my son :(

SarahR

hi all

 

i haven't been here for a while, and have been coping in general with the day to day family life. but it's all gone wrong and i don't really know what to do next to fix it...

on monday, i was trying to have a joke with my 12 year old, who has been disgnosed with HFA/ possibly to be changed to aspergers. i can joke with him sometimes, and he gets it and goes along with it, but i clearly mis-read the signals on Monday. he just jumped up - flew at me calling me a b**** and did his usual 'flight'. i went after him and got him to sit and calm down after some tears and more declarations of ' i hate you and don't want to be near you'. i asked him what that was all about, and he just went off on one about hating me, i nag him and annoy him (before school, after school and at the weekedns were his words) all the time.

we spoke and explained that he wasn't to swear at me like that, and apologised that i upset him and i didn't mean to. it was afterwards that i fell apart in tears.....i don't know what to do, i'm scared of asking him to do anything incase i'm nagging', i don't want to make conversation because i feel he doesn't want me to, so i'm feeling so lost. i daren't even look at him in case it annoys him

i would really love some advice - i know a lot of the behaviour is 'normal' for a child his age, but i can't discipline him in the way i would if he didnt have ASD. i tried explaining that the things he said are hurtful, but he just shrugged. then an hour later told me he was going to meet a friend the next day, as if nothing had happened.

i'm just baffled as to what to do next :(

 

 

Parents

  • thank you so much for your calm and sensible reply - i've tied myself in knots the last few days!!

    he has mentioned being a bit teased at school. whenever it happens i inform the school and he tells me it's better then....i also advise him to ignore them as best he can, and to go to the learning support centre if he needs to (only people with a pass can go there). as you can imagine he's reluctant to go there as he desperately wants to be 'normal' and fit in with his peers.

    one lovely thing happened when he came home with his dad tonight. my husband obviously had a word with him and my youngest (who's a handfull anyway!)...they came home with flowers and chocolates. i got a wooden 'sorry mum' and a hug - but it was soooo nice for him to put his arms around me, even though he wasn't loving it :)

    maybe it'll be better when he's back at school next week - good old routine (fingers crossed!)

    thanks again for your reply

     

Reply

  • thank you so much for your calm and sensible reply - i've tied myself in knots the last few days!!

    he has mentioned being a bit teased at school. whenever it happens i inform the school and he tells me it's better then....i also advise him to ignore them as best he can, and to go to the learning support centre if he needs to (only people with a pass can go there). as you can imagine he's reluctant to go there as he desperately wants to be 'normal' and fit in with his peers.

    one lovely thing happened when he came home with his dad tonight. my husband obviously had a word with him and my youngest (who's a handfull anyway!)...they came home with flowers and chocolates. i got a wooden 'sorry mum' and a hug - but it was soooo nice for him to put his arms around me, even though he wasn't loving it :)

    maybe it'll be better when he's back at school next week - good old routine (fingers crossed!)

    thanks again for your reply

     

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