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i can't even look at my son :(

SarahR

hi all

 

i haven't been here for a while, and have been coping in general with the day to day family life. but it's all gone wrong and i don't really know what to do next to fix it...

on monday, i was trying to have a joke with my 12 year old, who has been disgnosed with HFA/ possibly to be changed to aspergers. i can joke with him sometimes, and he gets it and goes along with it, but i clearly mis-read the signals on Monday. he just jumped up - flew at me calling me a b**** and did his usual 'flight'. i went after him and got him to sit and calm down after some tears and more declarations of ' i hate you and don't want to be near you'. i asked him what that was all about, and he just went off on one about hating me, i nag him and annoy him (before school, after school and at the weekedns were his words) all the time.

we spoke and explained that he wasn't to swear at me like that, and apologised that i upset him and i didn't mean to. it was afterwards that i fell apart in tears.....i don't know what to do, i'm scared of asking him to do anything incase i'm nagging', i don't want to make conversation because i feel he doesn't want me to, so i'm feeling so lost. i daren't even look at him in case it annoys him

i would really love some advice - i know a lot of the behaviour is 'normal' for a child his age, but i can't discipline him in the way i would if he didnt have ASD. i tried explaining that the things he said are hurtful, but he just shrugged. then an hour later told me he was going to meet a friend the next day, as if nothing had happened.

i'm just baffled as to what to do next :(

 

 

Parents

  • Hi SarahR

    Does he bottle it up at school and show his frustration more at home, or do you know much about what actually happens to him at school - bullying in particular?

    Its just the explosion sounds like the pressure has been building up during the day - meltdown may be due to cumulative frustration rather than anything specific.

    Would it be worth exploring the idea of some quiet solice time after school where he can get absorbed in his comfort zone?  Even so you may need a way of helping him find resolution - as you say its partly normal behaviour for any boy of that age but exacerbated by autistic spectrum issues.

    It might mean you need to check if he is being bullied or harassed or unduly pressured at school. This may be out of sight of supervision. He may be reluctant to discuss it, but he may be under pressure during the daytime.

    Hope it works out

Reply

  • Hi SarahR

    Does he bottle it up at school and show his frustration more at home, or do you know much about what actually happens to him at school - bullying in particular?

    Its just the explosion sounds like the pressure has been building up during the day - meltdown may be due to cumulative frustration rather than anything specific.

    Would it be worth exploring the idea of some quiet solice time after school where he can get absorbed in his comfort zone?  Even so you may need a way of helping him find resolution - as you say its partly normal behaviour for any boy of that age but exacerbated by autistic spectrum issues.

    It might mean you need to check if he is being bullied or harassed or unduly pressured at school. This may be out of sight of supervision. He may be reluctant to discuss it, but he may be under pressure during the daytime.

    Hope it works out

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