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New here and looking for some advice please

Careroftwo

First of all hi all and thank you for taking the time to read my post

I am a career for my 4 yr old son who has been diagnosed with asc and my partner also recently diagnosed with aspergers syndrome 

Well I'll get straight to the point my son was diagnosed in jan this year after 15 months on the pathway he also may have ADHD but can not be assessed for this until school age he is currently waiting to hear about a statuary assessment process to attend a specialist school in the local area I have come to terms that my son is unique and special in his own way but I am really struggling with his behaviour we have been referred to occupational therapist and a sleep counciler for his sensorya issues and his sleep problems but I don't know where toreturn to for help in disaplining him and what methods for when he's inappropriate we do have timeout which we use but he thinks everything is a game which just results in us all getting frustratedwhich results in him physically hurting myself or his brother the dog or himself I have bruises all over due to this as I'd rather he took it out on myself than the others but it's becoming harder with him getting older and stronger we have just started using pec cards but they are still new to myself so struggling a bit to get used to them but I was wondering if anyone else has any strategies that worked for their child to learn they are doing wrong? As I don't know who else to asAmanda just feel in a never ending cycle at the moment and on the brink of a nervous break down especially as he is constantly on the move so hard to attain attention from him and no sense of danger at all I found his bedroom window wide open a couple ofa nights ago and he just doesn't see the dangers and when out hits people for sitting next to him and is very rude i know he doesn't understand but how can I make him see this isn't acceptable behaviour? 

Thank you for any advice possible

  • Careroftwo said:

    First of all hi all and thank you for taking the time to read my post

    I am a career for my 4 yr old son who has been diagnosed with asc and my partner also recently diagnosed with aspergers syndrome 


     

    Well I'll get straight to the point my son was diagnosed in jan this year after 15 months on the pathway he also may have ADHD but can not be assessed for this until school age he is currently waiting to hear about a statuary assessment process to attend a specialist school in the local area I have come to terms that my son is unique and special in his own way but I am really struggling with his behaviour we have been referred to occupational therapist and a sleep counciler for his sensorya issues and his sleep problems but I don't know where toreturn to for help in disaplining him and what methods for when he's inappropriate we do have timeout which we use but he thinks everything is a game which just results in us all getting frustratedwhich results in him physically hurting myself or his brother the dog or himself I have bruises all over due to this as I'd rather he took it out on myself than the others but it's becoming harder with him getting older and stronger we have just started using pec cards but they are still new to myself so struggling a bit to get used to them but I was wondering if anyone else has any strategies that worked for their child to learn they are doing wrong? As I don't know who else to asAmanda just feel in a never ending cycle at the moment and on the brink of a nervous break down especially as he is constantly on the move so hard to attain attention from him and no sense of danger at all I found his bedroom window wide open a couple ofa nights ago and he just doesn't see the dangers and when out hits people for sitting next to him and is very rude i know he doesn't understand but how can I make him see this isn't acceptable behaviour? 

    Thank you for any advice possible

    hi, i have a son who has autism and severe learning difficulties. As for your son when he has behaviour problems or self hurting he isnt being naughty he finds it hard to communicate and gets frustrated and tries telling you what he wants through behaviour. time out will not work you have to use one word eg STOP every time keep it the same. as for the window, you will have to make sure its locked at all times when your son is in the house. telling him its dangerous he wont understand. he probably hits people for sitting next to him, because he finds it extremely difficult to have people close to him and he cant express this with words so hits out, so try and avoid people sittin near him. you have to try and work out his beahaviours as they usuall mean something. keep records of when they happen and what is going on when it happens. it will take sometime, but you will start seeing patterns. the beat way is to try and avoid things that make him vary distressed. stick with pecs. living with autis is extremely difficult, but the best way to cope is to try your best to understand your son. dispite all the hard times you have there will be a lot of goog.

    good luck

     

  • Hi Careroftwo, First of all, you are not alone! The level of discipline depends on the child's receptive and expressive language ability. We have a daughter who is 5 with asd. She has been on a weekly language theraphy for over a year. Since she developed her language skills, it has been a lot easier to handle some of her behaviour. I sometimes wonder if the chart would have been as effective if we had used it a year ago. We use a behavioural chart which we print out every week. This chart contains beHaviour we would like our daughter to improve. She likes structure and likes to follow rules. Every night before bed time, we go through the chart to see how well she did in the day in the different areas. Examples of the chart contents; eat meal with good table manners, no shouting, asking for help, listening, etc. We change the contents when the desired behaviour is mastered. Believe me, it works wonders for her! Every night she looks forward to doing her chart and gets disappointed when she doesn't get a tick and promises to do better the next day, and she does better because she remembers that when she gets the required starts by the end of the week, she gets a treat, something she really enjoys or losses a privilege if she doesn't get enough stars. It might take time until they get used to the idea of the chart, but if you stick to it, it will work. Now when I say tidy up time, my daughter is the first on the case, house hold runs smoothly. Good luck.

  • Are you aware of 'social stories', careroftwo?

    They're primarily used to teach children on the spectrum social skills, by explicitly stating what the various parties in a given scenario are likely to be thinking and feeling, but I would think the same approach could be used to teach appropriate behaviour in other contexts too - like why one shouldn't kick the dog, and what the possible consequences of doing so might be.

  • Thank you for your reply scorpion it's much appreciated. I have a reward chart already in place this doesn't seem to be working well for him I don't think he can understand it properly yet but I need something in place so he knows it's wrong as I can't have him hitting people when out and at the moment he has a thing for kicking our dog and am worried that what if the dog has had enough and snap she's very placid but there's only so much anyone cantake he thinks everything is a game. Thank you for your comments though as I have took your advice on board

  • @careroftwo: regarding the discipling of your son, we on the spectrum generally don't respond well to punishment, but often do respond well to reward - so rather than, for example, taking away a favourite thing, or activity, as a punishment, give him more of that thing, or activity, as a reward for good behaviour. You might find a star chart useful - with a list of good behaviours - then each day, for each good behaviour he get's a star, and, at the end of the day, and at the end of the week, you reward him according to how many stars he's got - more stars = bigger reward. And, make sure you have one 'good behaviour' that he'll always get a star for - so he always gets at least a small reward for a small amount of good behaviour, otherwise he'll see 'no reward' as a punishment and that will invalidate the whole thing.

    @mitzi: you may have to just get used to him being who he is, try to be happy for him, and make his life as happy as you can (without being over-bearing). But, having said that, does he have any interests? (he almost certainly will) What does he spend all his time doing? Whatever it is, that will be what makes him happy, and you need to encourage that, and think about ways in which he can turn that into a job and a route into finding more associates and friends.

  • Hi mitzi

    Have you tried getting his mental health assessed first as that's what we had to do with my partner and then they put through for a assessment for aspergers which my partner in his late 20s has now been diagnosed I know how you feel as i am my partners communicator and he doesn't leave the house or have a job it's hard especially with no support but at least we have his cpn for some support sorry it's not really an answer but hope you can get help for your son

  • Hi, I'm new here. I really need help with regards to my son. He's 21 and we his family think he has Aspergers but he was tested and we were told that he does not have Aspergers. Although the person who first assessed him reckoned he had classic signs of Aspergers. He spends all of his time at home and has no friends and no job. I can't bear to see him like this and although he has had help in the past he is'nt receiving any help now not even from the job centre where he has been asigned a disability advisor.

    He has been to two training related interviews a good while ago but was not successful. I worry that he'll never get a job because he just cannot interact and cannot show any motivation.

    Please can anyone give me any advice I would be most grateful.