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I'm running out of ideas.....!

bob

Hi

I'm new here so apologise now for starting off with a post like this!

My son has a range of difficulties including ASD.  I have managed to get him full time funding at school and a statement.  We have regular input from an art therapist at CAMHS (but they keep trying to discharge us).  We also have input from an OT and an SLT.

He has received 2 fixed term external exclusions from school over the past 2 weeks.

The first was one day - it was time for PE and his 1:1 suggested that he stay in his school polo shirt instead of changing into PE top.  He couldn't cope with that as it was 'wrong - you do PE in a white top.'  This resulted in him screaming and hitting out.  The note home said 'reason for exclusion - violence towards staff'

Several professionals (inc ed psych and peadiatrician), as well as me, had warned the school that an external exclusion would result in his attachment disorder flaring up which it now has (surprise surprise).  He has gone back nearly 2 years with his behaviours and lack of trust in adults as well as fear of being abandoned.

On Wednesday morning, he was playing on equipment outside when another child tried to push him off.  My son then pushed back but it was him who was told to get off.  He didn't think that was fair so started screaming and hitting out.  Again, an adult was hit when she came in 'to try and calm him down' (despite being told on several occassions not to in the past).  This has resulted in a 2 day external exclusion.

We have a re-integration meeting on Monday morning but he is scared to go back to school as he thinks everyone hates him and doesn't want him there.  He doesn't trust the adults there to sort things out for him again.  His annual review is in June and the Ed Psych is going to be there. 

As I already have a statement and full time funding for him; what else can I do? 

Its so unfair.  If he had dyslexia, he wouldn't get punished for not spelling a word correctly but he is being punished because he can't cope in social situations like other children do.

Parents

  • Thanks Mhairi.

    This need for children to conform in mainstream is at the root of most of the problems I think. What happens when your child can't physically or neurologically conform to what is termed as the norm? There also seems to be a belief in most mainstream schools that inclusion means conformity which is terribly misguided. We found that by forcing our grandson to conform he was actually being excluded not included because he didn't have a hope of understanding what was being asked of him and even less chance of carrying it out successfully. 9 times out of 10 he was pulled out of the activity with a good telling off.

    By inclusion we had mistakenly assumed that it meant allowing our grandson to be around neuro typical children and for him to find coping strategies and also for him to gain acceptance from the other children while they are still young.

    Bob, I remember a day when the teacher at school, determined that if our child was in mainstream then he must do what the other children did at all times and in the same way, thought it a good idea to place a hockey stick in his hands and play a match. Firstly he couldn't follow the rules and keep his stick down at the same time and he didn't have a clue when it came to the social niceties of the game. Consequently the inevitable happened, a child was bashed with his stick, and he was banished to a bench for the rest of the lesson in very cold conditions. As his full time one to one was being used to help with the lesson he was left unsupervised and managed to hit a few more children and break a piece of wood off the cricket pavilion! We were called in to answer for his behaviour later that day and expected to be shame faced about it!!!

    After he was eventually shouted at by a teacher in class until he was reduced to tears we finally made the decision to move him to a special needs school. His school life has been transformed since that day last year. Now at 11 he is chatty, has friends for the first time in his life, is eager to get to school very early to see all his friends and teachers arrive and although expected to behave himself, at least has realistic goals and targets that he is capable of achieving.

Reply

  • Thanks Mhairi.

    This need for children to conform in mainstream is at the root of most of the problems I think. What happens when your child can't physically or neurologically conform to what is termed as the norm? There also seems to be a belief in most mainstream schools that inclusion means conformity which is terribly misguided. We found that by forcing our grandson to conform he was actually being excluded not included because he didn't have a hope of understanding what was being asked of him and even less chance of carrying it out successfully. 9 times out of 10 he was pulled out of the activity with a good telling off.

    By inclusion we had mistakenly assumed that it meant allowing our grandson to be around neuro typical children and for him to find coping strategies and also for him to gain acceptance from the other children while they are still young.

    Bob, I remember a day when the teacher at school, determined that if our child was in mainstream then he must do what the other children did at all times and in the same way, thought it a good idea to place a hockey stick in his hands and play a match. Firstly he couldn't follow the rules and keep his stick down at the same time and he didn't have a clue when it came to the social niceties of the game. Consequently the inevitable happened, a child was bashed with his stick, and he was banished to a bench for the rest of the lesson in very cold conditions. As his full time one to one was being used to help with the lesson he was left unsupervised and managed to hit a few more children and break a piece of wood off the cricket pavilion! We were called in to answer for his behaviour later that day and expected to be shame faced about it!!!

    After he was eventually shouted at by a teacher in class until he was reduced to tears we finally made the decision to move him to a special needs school. His school life has been transformed since that day last year. Now at 11 he is chatty, has friends for the first time in his life, is eager to get to school very early to see all his friends and teachers arrive and although expected to behave himself, at least has realistic goals and targets that he is capable of achieving.

Children
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