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I'm running out of ideas.....!

bob

Hi

I'm new here so apologise now for starting off with a post like this!

My son has a range of difficulties including ASD.  I have managed to get him full time funding at school and a statement.  We have regular input from an art therapist at CAMHS (but they keep trying to discharge us).  We also have input from an OT and an SLT.

He has received 2 fixed term external exclusions from school over the past 2 weeks.

The first was one day - it was time for PE and his 1:1 suggested that he stay in his school polo shirt instead of changing into PE top.  He couldn't cope with that as it was 'wrong - you do PE in a white top.'  This resulted in him screaming and hitting out.  The note home said 'reason for exclusion - violence towards staff'

Several professionals (inc ed psych and peadiatrician), as well as me, had warned the school that an external exclusion would result in his attachment disorder flaring up which it now has (surprise surprise).  He has gone back nearly 2 years with his behaviours and lack of trust in adults as well as fear of being abandoned.

On Wednesday morning, he was playing on equipment outside when another child tried to push him off.  My son then pushed back but it was him who was told to get off.  He didn't think that was fair so started screaming and hitting out.  Again, an adult was hit when she came in 'to try and calm him down' (despite being told on several occassions not to in the past).  This has resulted in a 2 day external exclusion.

We have a re-integration meeting on Monday morning but he is scared to go back to school as he thinks everyone hates him and doesn't want him there.  He doesn't trust the adults there to sort things out for him again.  His annual review is in June and the Ed Psych is going to be there. 

As I already have a statement and full time funding for him; what else can I do? 

Its so unfair.  If he had dyslexia, he wouldn't get punished for not spelling a word correctly but he is being punished because he can't cope in social situations like other children do.

Parents

  • Hi Bob.

    I'm also new to the forum. I felt for you so much as I read your post because it has shades of what has happend to us with our grandson to whom we are legal guardians. He's 11 and has high functioning ASD and attachment issues and has a full statement. We are also struggling to keep a place at CAHMS because they have removed autism from their remit ...(due to lack of funds no doubt). We haven't even been offered any therapy for our grandson, the psychologist, instead, prefers to talk to us without him.

    You don't mention if your little lad is in a mainstream school or a special needs school. We struggled for years in mainstream and experienced similiar treatment by the teachers and one to ones as your son is experiencing. What we found is that there is a fundamental lack of understanding about ASD in mainstream school. It was brought home to me one day when his one to one said to us 'It's not his autism...he's just being naughty'. The idea that, somehow, he can turn his disability off and just be naughty is truly a flawed way to think about autism because as I explained to the staff at the school, all his thoughts, choices and actions are informed by his mind and that mind is autistic. They used this tactic alot in order to be able to find some form of punishment or sanction against him.

    To ask your son to change his normal routine, even with something that, to them, might appear petty illustrates the same lack of fundamental understanding about autism that we have experienced. It shows a complete ignorance about why he clings to his routines so closely and the fact that, as with most children with ASD, he is unlikely to be able to prioritize the important over the unimportant because they all have the same priority in his mind. There is a belief that frightened and confused children look frightened and confused whereas as all of us with children on the spectrum will know that this isn't usually the case and it can frequently manifest itself in quite extreme behaviour.

    Both this situation and the one where your son got into trouble on the equipment, where he could have been closely supervised by his one to one, could easily have been avoided with a bit of knowledge and foresight.

    I would be the last person to advise anyone about tackling schools over ASD as the children are all so different but I can only say that, had this been our Grandson, I would have been asking the school how they intend to stop this happening again and also informing them that excluding ASD children from school will neither teach them anything or cure the condition.

    I hope that, just knowing that there are other people out there who know what you are going through will help in some small way.

    Regards

    Blossom.

Reply

  • Hi Bob.

    I'm also new to the forum. I felt for you so much as I read your post because it has shades of what has happend to us with our grandson to whom we are legal guardians. He's 11 and has high functioning ASD and attachment issues and has a full statement. We are also struggling to keep a place at CAHMS because they have removed autism from their remit ...(due to lack of funds no doubt). We haven't even been offered any therapy for our grandson, the psychologist, instead, prefers to talk to us without him.

    You don't mention if your little lad is in a mainstream school or a special needs school. We struggled for years in mainstream and experienced similiar treatment by the teachers and one to ones as your son is experiencing. What we found is that there is a fundamental lack of understanding about ASD in mainstream school. It was brought home to me one day when his one to one said to us 'It's not his autism...he's just being naughty'. The idea that, somehow, he can turn his disability off and just be naughty is truly a flawed way to think about autism because as I explained to the staff at the school, all his thoughts, choices and actions are informed by his mind and that mind is autistic. They used this tactic alot in order to be able to find some form of punishment or sanction against him.

    To ask your son to change his normal routine, even with something that, to them, might appear petty illustrates the same lack of fundamental understanding about autism that we have experienced. It shows a complete ignorance about why he clings to his routines so closely and the fact that, as with most children with ASD, he is unlikely to be able to prioritize the important over the unimportant because they all have the same priority in his mind. There is a belief that frightened and confused children look frightened and confused whereas as all of us with children on the spectrum will know that this isn't usually the case and it can frequently manifest itself in quite extreme behaviour.

    Both this situation and the one where your son got into trouble on the equipment, where he could have been closely supervised by his one to one, could easily have been avoided with a bit of knowledge and foresight.

    I would be the last person to advise anyone about tackling schools over ASD as the children are all so different but I can only say that, had this been our Grandson, I would have been asking the school how they intend to stop this happening again and also informing them that excluding ASD children from school will neither teach them anything or cure the condition.

    I hope that, just knowing that there are other people out there who know what you are going through will help in some small way.

    Regards

    Blossom.

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