At the End of My Tether

Hi,

I had a similar experience a few years ago when my child was just 8 years old.  His stress levels reached the point where he wouldn't get dressed and developed obsessions which prevented him leaving the house to get to school.  If he went to school, he refused to cooperate or even do simple tasks of which he was well capable.  I do not believe he was being bullied, but he was, like your daughter, experiencing sensory overload. 

Thankfully, at that time, when we were feeling desperate, we came across the Son-Rise Program.  We read more, spoke to one of their counsellors in the US and subsequently signed up to take a parent-training course with them.  (There were of course a few obstacles we had to overcome to achieve this).  The following year we took him out of school and ran a home-based program for him, with the help of volunteers, who were mainly students, that I recruited.  We made it clear to the LA that our intention was to take him out of school for a time, and later return him to school.

After a 2-year programme (mostly non-academic), he returned to a new school with smaller class size, without teaching support, and as his confidence has re-grown he has shown himself capable of dealing with pretty much every social situation and enjoying team sports as well as excelling academically. 

I'm guessing your child is at the higher end of the Spectrum, since you're talking about GCSE modules.  I'm sure that at the age of 15, it's difficult to step away from the expected path that your child will take GCSEs, then maybe A levels and continue with life.  However, the reality is that if your child is not managing school, how well is she likely to manage life beyond school?  I know this is an anxiety of many parents with a child with an ASC, which becomes heightened in the face of pressures to complete public examinations.

If you are able to, I suggest you stand back from the situation and consider what is most important for your child's life right now.  Is it passing a couple of GCSEs, and undergoing all the attendant stress that will entail?  Or would it be better to remove her from the stress, allow her time to recover and take pro-active steps to help her to deal with some of the challenges that she faces daily? 

Clearly, everyone's personal situation is different, but if you are able to run an intensive home programme for your daughter, you can help her.  I don't believe it is ever too late.  If she wants/needs GCSEs later, she could do them at evening classes, or by correspondence course or at a Sixth Form college.

Have you ever tried learning things when you're feeling stressed?  It's well-nigh impossible for most people.  Schools do their best for our children, but their primary remit is to provide education, not to take care of the social and emotional welfare of our special children.

Hi,

I had a similar experience a few years ago when my child was just 8 years old.  His stress levels reached the point where he wouldn't get dressed and developed obsessions which prevented him leaving the house to get to school.  If he went to school, he refused to cooperate or even do simple tasks of which he was well capable.  I do not believe he was being bullied, but he was, like your daughter, experiencing sensory overload. 

Thankfully, at that time, when we were feeling desperate, we came across the Son-Rise Program.  We read more, spoke to one of their counsellors in the US and subsequently signed up to take a parent-training course with them.  (There were of course a few obstacles we had to overcome to achieve this).  The following year we took him out of school and ran a home-based program for him, with the help of volunteers, who were mainly students, that I recruited.  We made it clear to the LA that our intention was to take him out of school for a time, and later return him to school.

After a 2-year programme (mostly non-academic), he returned to a new school with smaller class size, without teaching support, and as his confidence has re-grown he has shown himself capable of dealing with pretty much every social situation and enjoying team sports as well as excelling academically. 

I'm guessing your child is at the higher end of the Spectrum, since you're talking about GCSE modules.  I'm sure that at the age of 15, it's difficult to step away from the expected path that your child will take GCSEs, then maybe A levels and continue with life.  However, the reality is that if your child is not managing school, how well is she likely to manage life beyond school?  I know this is an anxiety of many parents with a child with an ASC, which becomes heightened in the face of pressures to complete public examinations.

If you are able to, I suggest you stand back from the situation and consider what is most important for your child's life right now.  Is it passing a couple of GCSEs, and undergoing all the attendant stress that will entail?  Or would it be better to remove her from the stress, allow her time to recover and take pro-active steps to help her to deal with some of the challenges that she faces daily? 

Clearly, everyone's personal situation is different, but if you are able to run an intensive home programme for your daughter, you can help her.  I don't believe it is ever too late.  If she wants/needs GCSEs later, she could do them at evening classes, or by correspondence course or at a Sixth Form college.

Have you ever tried learning things when you're feeling stressed?  It's well-nigh impossible for most people.  Schools do their best for our children, but their primary remit is to provide education, not to take care of the social and emotional welfare of our special children.