Father (ex-husband) in denial

Hi Everyone,

I suspected for many years that my son was on the spectrum, my now ex-husband always told me i was wrong and that he 'was just a boy'

5 years ago my son was referred to a community paediatrician because he was showing extreme low self esteem and had told me he wanted to kill himself, he was 6 years old. i was told that although my son showed signs of autism and ADHD he didn't fulfill the criteria and therefore had neither, as such i was not offered any additional support and refused a referal to CAMHS as they thought he was unsuitable,  my ex found this highly amusing at the time.

That was the first i had heard of autism, so i started to research, the more i researched the more i believed in my own mind that my son was on the spectrum, but because i had been told by the paediatrician he was not i just adopted the coping strategies and soldiered on, my then husband refused to work with me and eventually we separated because things were difficult enough, i just couldn't stand him working against me all the time.

Last year things came to a head with my son, now 11, school was bad, his behaviour was difficult and my strategies no longer seemed to be working, so i went back to my GP and asked for my son to be specifically assessed for ASD, I saw the same paediatrician, who had oviously read her previous notes, so I didn't think i would get anywhere, however i think she was shocked by how my son presented and said his problems were 'very complex', the school appointed an education pschologist on her recommendation, my CAMHS referral came through fairly quickly, and straight away the psychiatrist could see traits in my son, within one hour because to me and her it was obvious she confirmed that he was on the spectrum.

When i told my ex that his son had ASD he laughed and said 'whatever', 'i suppose you were with him', 'what medication are they giving him' as if he doesn't believe or want to believe me, has anyone else had a similar reaction, how did you deal with it?

 

 

 

Parents
  • Hi there,

    my son is eleven and was diagnosed with high functioning autism at 7, being high functioning is good and bad as he can lead a reasonably 'normal' life, yet he surprises people with sudden unusual behaviours, like being terrified of crisps, which you wouldnt expect from such a 'normal' seeming kid! His dad and I split up three years ago and a big part of this was because of how alone I felt in raising our sons and how much he obviously favoured our younger non autistic son. He even said when I told him I was leaving him that he would take one of them with him and move abroad!! He always saw our second son as a second chance to create the son that he couldn't get our first to be, as I had made him 'too awkward' and 'too clingy' to me etc. I had a really hard time accepting that our son had a label, I desperately wanted him to just be a bit quirky! But I did get used to it and nothing changed for me, I just parented  him the same as I always had. My sons and I have a great relationship and their dad is just starting to realise that all he's done is push them both away and he's now trying to make more of an effort, which I push the kids to go with, but I do worry that it's too late.

Reply
  • Hi there,

    my son is eleven and was diagnosed with high functioning autism at 7, being high functioning is good and bad as he can lead a reasonably 'normal' life, yet he surprises people with sudden unusual behaviours, like being terrified of crisps, which you wouldnt expect from such a 'normal' seeming kid! His dad and I split up three years ago and a big part of this was because of how alone I felt in raising our sons and how much he obviously favoured our younger non autistic son. He even said when I told him I was leaving him that he would take one of them with him and move abroad!! He always saw our second son as a second chance to create the son that he couldn't get our first to be, as I had made him 'too awkward' and 'too clingy' to me etc. I had a really hard time accepting that our son had a label, I desperately wanted him to just be a bit quirky! But I did get used to it and nothing changed for me, I just parented  him the same as I always had. My sons and I have a great relationship and their dad is just starting to realise that all he's done is push them both away and he's now trying to make more of an effort, which I push the kids to go with, but I do worry that it's too late.

Children
No Data