Father (ex-husband) in denial

Hi Everyone,

I suspected for many years that my son was on the spectrum, my now ex-husband always told me i was wrong and that he 'was just a boy'

5 years ago my son was referred to a community paediatrician because he was showing extreme low self esteem and had told me he wanted to kill himself, he was 6 years old. i was told that although my son showed signs of autism and ADHD he didn't fulfill the criteria and therefore had neither, as such i was not offered any additional support and refused a referal to CAMHS as they thought he was unsuitable,  my ex found this highly amusing at the time.

That was the first i had heard of autism, so i started to research, the more i researched the more i believed in my own mind that my son was on the spectrum, but because i had been told by the paediatrician he was not i just adopted the coping strategies and soldiered on, my then husband refused to work with me and eventually we separated because things were difficult enough, i just couldn't stand him working against me all the time.

Last year things came to a head with my son, now 11, school was bad, his behaviour was difficult and my strategies no longer seemed to be working, so i went back to my GP and asked for my son to be specifically assessed for ASD, I saw the same paediatrician, who had oviously read her previous notes, so I didn't think i would get anywhere, however i think she was shocked by how my son presented and said his problems were 'very complex', the school appointed an education pschologist on her recommendation, my CAMHS referral came through fairly quickly, and straight away the psychiatrist could see traits in my son, within one hour because to me and her it was obvious she confirmed that he was on the spectrum.

When i told my ex that his son had ASD he laughed and said 'whatever', 'i suppose you were with him', 'what medication are they giving him' as if he doesn't believe or want to believe me, has anyone else had a similar reaction, how did you deal with it?

 

 

 

Parents
  • Hi everyone,

    I was doing some research on the net about fathers (ex-husbands) who are in denial and came across this website and found this thread and just burst into tears and I just wanted to thank everyone who contributed as you have made me feel less alone, even though I am here in Australia.

    My son is 6 with ASD and was diagnosed 2 years ago when I left my husband who had forbidded me to get an assessment. We live in a small very remote country town in the middle of Australia and currently we have ZERO therapists here for my son. My ex is a high profiled lawyer here and when I told him that his son has ASD straight after his assessment, his reaction was 'what are saying he is never going to read a book'. He has never supported any ASD therapy or consultations or the diagnosis and only when it suits my ex does he comment on our son's ASD - mainly when he doesnt want to pay for something and claims that they are not specialised ASD trained - however is in complete denial.

    My fiance and myself are now sadly going to court in Feb with my ex to get permission from the federal family law circuit to relocate back home to a major city so that my son can get access to ASD support and services. I am the local facilitator for a national autism organisation where I live, but sadly I am it for a whole town of 30 000 and I cant do it alone and need the support of other professionals and my own family.

    I am trying to find empirical research to support the argument that my ex wont agree to relocating because he is actually in denial about the ASD diagnosis, because at the moment I have everything under the sun about early intervention and all of my sons practitioners have written in support stating that we need to move - we have already spent $20 000 in lawyer fees, money which could go to our sons education and therapy, but here in Australia you are not allowed to move interstate unless both parties agree or you go to court - he can move anytime, but not me and the children....if anyone knows of any research done in this area it would be soooo helpful!!! I do know from my masters degree and work that 1 in 3 ASD couples divorce and the onus is on the father but I need concrete evidence for court.

    Again, I just want to thank everyone for giving voice and raise to this issue and for making me feel like I am not alone anymore and it was so cathartic to just tell my story out to the cyber void of the world. Wishing everyone strength and grace as they take this unique and special path with their children and enjoy the beautiful perspectives and sometimes not so fun challenges that ASD brings to us!!!

Reply
  • Hi everyone,

    I was doing some research on the net about fathers (ex-husbands) who are in denial and came across this website and found this thread and just burst into tears and I just wanted to thank everyone who contributed as you have made me feel less alone, even though I am here in Australia.

    My son is 6 with ASD and was diagnosed 2 years ago when I left my husband who had forbidded me to get an assessment. We live in a small very remote country town in the middle of Australia and currently we have ZERO therapists here for my son. My ex is a high profiled lawyer here and when I told him that his son has ASD straight after his assessment, his reaction was 'what are saying he is never going to read a book'. He has never supported any ASD therapy or consultations or the diagnosis and only when it suits my ex does he comment on our son's ASD - mainly when he doesnt want to pay for something and claims that they are not specialised ASD trained - however is in complete denial.

    My fiance and myself are now sadly going to court in Feb with my ex to get permission from the federal family law circuit to relocate back home to a major city so that my son can get access to ASD support and services. I am the local facilitator for a national autism organisation where I live, but sadly I am it for a whole town of 30 000 and I cant do it alone and need the support of other professionals and my own family.

    I am trying to find empirical research to support the argument that my ex wont agree to relocating because he is actually in denial about the ASD diagnosis, because at the moment I have everything under the sun about early intervention and all of my sons practitioners have written in support stating that we need to move - we have already spent $20 000 in lawyer fees, money which could go to our sons education and therapy, but here in Australia you are not allowed to move interstate unless both parties agree or you go to court - he can move anytime, but not me and the children....if anyone knows of any research done in this area it would be soooo helpful!!! I do know from my masters degree and work that 1 in 3 ASD couples divorce and the onus is on the father but I need concrete evidence for court.

    Again, I just want to thank everyone for giving voice and raise to this issue and for making me feel like I am not alone anymore and it was so cathartic to just tell my story out to the cyber void of the world. Wishing everyone strength and grace as they take this unique and special path with their children and enjoy the beautiful perspectives and sometimes not so fun challenges that ASD brings to us!!!

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