Father (ex-husband) in denial

Hi Everyone,

I suspected for many years that my son was on the spectrum, my now ex-husband always told me i was wrong and that he 'was just a boy'

5 years ago my son was referred to a community paediatrician because he was showing extreme low self esteem and had told me he wanted to kill himself, he was 6 years old. i was told that although my son showed signs of autism and ADHD he didn't fulfill the criteria and therefore had neither, as such i was not offered any additional support and refused a referal to CAMHS as they thought he was unsuitable,  my ex found this highly amusing at the time.

That was the first i had heard of autism, so i started to research, the more i researched the more i believed in my own mind that my son was on the spectrum, but because i had been told by the paediatrician he was not i just adopted the coping strategies and soldiered on, my then husband refused to work with me and eventually we separated because things were difficult enough, i just couldn't stand him working against me all the time.

Last year things came to a head with my son, now 11, school was bad, his behaviour was difficult and my strategies no longer seemed to be working, so i went back to my GP and asked for my son to be specifically assessed for ASD, I saw the same paediatrician, who had oviously read her previous notes, so I didn't think i would get anywhere, however i think she was shocked by how my son presented and said his problems were 'very complex', the school appointed an education pschologist on her recommendation, my CAMHS referral came through fairly quickly, and straight away the psychiatrist could see traits in my son, within one hour because to me and her it was obvious she confirmed that he was on the spectrum.

When i told my ex that his son had ASD he laughed and said 'whatever', 'i suppose you were with him', 'what medication are they giving him' as if he doesn't believe or want to believe me, has anyone else had a similar reaction, how did you deal with it?

 

 

 

Parents
  • Dear All

    Our son, aged 17, is a very bright young man with Aspergers who has managed to make remarkable progress in the last few years with the aid of wonderful support from his school and other agencies. He is now beginning to go out with friends which is remarkable given how isolated he was a few years ago. However . . .  now he is 17 he needs to wash regularly, my wife and I can no longer bathe him, but he consistently refuses to wash and tells us he has showered when it is very clear he hasn't. His elder sister, my wife and I find it difficult to sit near him and we can imagine what it must be like for his peers and teachers at school. He is also frightened of flushing the loo after use, a problem that he has carried with him since a very young age. We are concerned that his new found social life will flounder because of his body odour. We have tried gently persuading him to use anti-perspirants, run baths for him, provided him with warm comfortable towels but no luck. He goes into a rage now whenever we bring up the subject. He is due to go for a week on a residential course in February and we feel we can't let him go until he has a routine to wash himself.

    Any suggestions gratefully welcomed as how we might handle this problem.

Reply
  • Dear All

    Our son, aged 17, is a very bright young man with Aspergers who has managed to make remarkable progress in the last few years with the aid of wonderful support from his school and other agencies. He is now beginning to go out with friends which is remarkable given how isolated he was a few years ago. However . . .  now he is 17 he needs to wash regularly, my wife and I can no longer bathe him, but he consistently refuses to wash and tells us he has showered when it is very clear he hasn't. His elder sister, my wife and I find it difficult to sit near him and we can imagine what it must be like for his peers and teachers at school. He is also frightened of flushing the loo after use, a problem that he has carried with him since a very young age. We are concerned that his new found social life will flounder because of his body odour. We have tried gently persuading him to use anti-perspirants, run baths for him, provided him with warm comfortable towels but no luck. He goes into a rage now whenever we bring up the subject. He is due to go for a week on a residential course in February and we feel we can't let him go until he has a routine to wash himself.

    Any suggestions gratefully welcomed as how we might handle this problem.

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