Father (ex-husband) in denial

Hi Everyone,

I suspected for many years that my son was on the spectrum, my now ex-husband always told me i was wrong and that he 'was just a boy'

5 years ago my son was referred to a community paediatrician because he was showing extreme low self esteem and had told me he wanted to kill himself, he was 6 years old. i was told that although my son showed signs of autism and ADHD he didn't fulfill the criteria and therefore had neither, as such i was not offered any additional support and refused a referal to CAMHS as they thought he was unsuitable,  my ex found this highly amusing at the time.

That was the first i had heard of autism, so i started to research, the more i researched the more i believed in my own mind that my son was on the spectrum, but because i had been told by the paediatrician he was not i just adopted the coping strategies and soldiered on, my then husband refused to work with me and eventually we separated because things were difficult enough, i just couldn't stand him working against me all the time.

Last year things came to a head with my son, now 11, school was bad, his behaviour was difficult and my strategies no longer seemed to be working, so i went back to my GP and asked for my son to be specifically assessed for ASD, I saw the same paediatrician, who had oviously read her previous notes, so I didn't think i would get anywhere, however i think she was shocked by how my son presented and said his problems were 'very complex', the school appointed an education pschologist on her recommendation, my CAMHS referral came through fairly quickly, and straight away the psychiatrist could see traits in my son, within one hour because to me and her it was obvious she confirmed that he was on the spectrum.

When i told my ex that his son had ASD he laughed and said 'whatever', 'i suppose you were with him', 'what medication are they giving him' as if he doesn't believe or want to believe me, has anyone else had a similar reaction, how did you deal with it?

 

 

 

Parents
  • Hi there, My eldest child is nearly 12 and this Monday gone we finally got a diagnosis after ten years of being made to feel like he is just boy being or boy, or that it was my fault as I suffered sever post natal phychosis after he was born. I only mention all of the above, because my sons dad and I split when he was nearly four, and from the beginning he could never except what deep down I've always known, our son wasn't like other boys his age. This had gone on for years, him denying there was anything not quite right, I get that he lived two hours away so didn't see all the things I and my husband saw, but he rapidly changed his mind one weekend when my son had a meltdown and threw a piece of 4x6 piece of wood down the stairs at his dad that narrowly missed his head by a couple of inches. That day I had to pull him off my son, BUT, it was the shock he needed, as he could no longer deny what he had seen himself. I think it's hard for any parent that doesn't live with the child to understand and fully appreciate the problems having a child with asd can have on family life, but I Know that I was right and that I did everything I could to get to the point we are at with the help of my husband. If, your ex, buttons mum does not want to accept what is happening HE WILL miss out in the long run, yes you have gone through the pain and the fight to get your answer just like I have and many other mum on here, but at least we can rest at night knowing we did everything we possiblely could and often much more, in the long run, can our exes? Kx
Reply
  • Hi there, My eldest child is nearly 12 and this Monday gone we finally got a diagnosis after ten years of being made to feel like he is just boy being or boy, or that it was my fault as I suffered sever post natal phychosis after he was born. I only mention all of the above, because my sons dad and I split when he was nearly four, and from the beginning he could never except what deep down I've always known, our son wasn't like other boys his age. This had gone on for years, him denying there was anything not quite right, I get that he lived two hours away so didn't see all the things I and my husband saw, but he rapidly changed his mind one weekend when my son had a meltdown and threw a piece of 4x6 piece of wood down the stairs at his dad that narrowly missed his head by a couple of inches. That day I had to pull him off my son, BUT, it was the shock he needed, as he could no longer deny what he had seen himself. I think it's hard for any parent that doesn't live with the child to understand and fully appreciate the problems having a child with asd can have on family life, but I Know that I was right and that I did everything I could to get to the point we are at with the help of my husband. If, your ex, buttons mum does not want to accept what is happening HE WILL miss out in the long run, yes you have gone through the pain and the fight to get your answer just like I have and many other mum on here, but at least we can rest at night knowing we did everything we possiblely could and often much more, in the long run, can our exes? Kx
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