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Why should we be made to feel we need to change?

Starstruck

As long as I can remember people have been implying I shouldn't tell the truth if they throw some kind of abuse my way.

I should want to date even though my circumstances are difficult.  

This subject is like a can of worms.  Most of the time people intrested in me had an alterior motive.  

They thought I would be a good doormat.

Though I feel depression is my weakness.  

I have been through many painful situations due to people not accepting me as I am.  But we managed to be happy again.

Recently I have become the neighbourhood joke.  

They insult me for not wanting to follow others ideas as to how I should live,look what I should be doing about my Sons care.

I have had people telling me no one likes me all of my life usually after they have tried in some way to cause me physical or emotional pain.  

I have no choice but to hear as I feel its deliberately done so I hear.

I don't mind that they don't like me I have my Son & my Mum.

I have had a few good friends to.  Even though its difficult to maintain friendships & care for my Son.  Certain people will never like me as I am too truthful for some.

I'm capable of being sociable when life is going well.

I am Asd myself. Atypical 

I have spent 19yrs looking after my Son.  

But people take this fact and try to use it to take advantage or try to make me feel bad I don't have a job or the things they have.  I don't feel jealousy its not natuaral to me.

But I feel they would like me to want what they have.

 My Asd doesn't bother me but others think I'm stuck up or shy.

I feel I'm introverted but I was happy.

I feel this has to be possible again.  My quietness then my fieryness when people try to control me has always got me into problems! This confuses others.

What is going through my mind right now is why can't people accept me for who I am.  Or leave me alone.

When they don't like me why, is it they seem to spend time trying to make me conform.  Then combust with rage when this doesn't work?

Plus why does society feel a diagnoesis of Asd means your incapable of speaking the truth.

My negative habits are mine to change.  But I feel thats to do with the depression not Asd traits.

I don't feel I'm liked it doesn't bother me but it seems others want to deliberately make me feel bad to make themselves feel good.  

Then tell me I'm negative.  It seems as long as you have a different point of view or don't follow the crowd its a problem.

I don't want to try to be what I'm not.  I like my own company.  Though I hardly ever get it!

We had our home which WAS private & safe untill this latest abuse.

We never needed anything as such minimalist works since the less we have the less to clean or steal.

 I'm really saddened by people at present.  When I asked for help I was accused of being dishonest.  

Which frankly made me fuming.  

So now I'm trying to think ahead but have constant reminders via verbal insults or character assination Mostly spiteful comments.

But I'm unable to move at present.  Any advice welcome!

Starstruck

 

Parents

  • I had  four advocates.  All of which eventually closed my case.  I was understood but told my case is complicated.

    Even though others varified they believed my account of what happened those,who have known me for years. 

    This is why I thought it best to start again else where.

    I'm not one for submitting to others if that will not benefit my family.  

    I Iive in a way that I try not to purposefully hurt others.  People feel this makes me stupid,old fashioned etc.

     I never like to be around verbally abusive people.

      I will defend myself by telling others what they did or said to offend me.  This is what people hate about me

     They imposed their behaviour on our lives in our home.  

    So it can't feel like my home again.  I can't feel safe taking my family to a place they have acted in this way.

    Telling the police made it worse.  

    So now I feel I need to make myself happy to look after my family as before all the drama.  

    Staying in the area where they keep reminding me what they got away with can't work.  Its just making me miserable!

    Tuesday I will try to get back to some kind of routine.

     It feels like I'm dragging myself through each day rather then living.  I have my issues obviously but have been able to be happy after.  

    This shouldn't be any different.  The difference this time is I'm tired of people trying to break my spirit.  It feels like their at war with me! I have anger for the behaviour.  But not hate. It feels like I'm fighting to be myself.

    I will look at the link, never heard of Susan Cain

Reply

  • I had  four advocates.  All of which eventually closed my case.  I was understood but told my case is complicated.

    Even though others varified they believed my account of what happened those,who have known me for years. 

    This is why I thought it best to start again else where.

    I'm not one for submitting to others if that will not benefit my family.  

    I Iive in a way that I try not to purposefully hurt others.  People feel this makes me stupid,old fashioned etc.

     I never like to be around verbally abusive people.

      I will defend myself by telling others what they did or said to offend me.  This is what people hate about me

     They imposed their behaviour on our lives in our home.  

    So it can't feel like my home again.  I can't feel safe taking my family to a place they have acted in this way.

    Telling the police made it worse.  

    So now I feel I need to make myself happy to look after my family as before all the drama.  

    Staying in the area where they keep reminding me what they got away with can't work.  Its just making me miserable!

    Tuesday I will try to get back to some kind of routine.

     It feels like I'm dragging myself through each day rather then living.  I have my issues obviously but have been able to be happy after.  

    This shouldn't be any different.  The difference this time is I'm tired of people trying to break my spirit.  It feels like their at war with me! I have anger for the behaviour.  But not hate. It feels like I'm fighting to be myself.

    I will look at the link, never heard of Susan Cain

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