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Why should we be made to feel we need to change?

Starstruck

As long as I can remember people have been implying I shouldn't tell the truth if they throw some kind of abuse my way.

I should want to date even though my circumstances are difficult.  

This subject is like a can of worms.  Most of the time people intrested in me had an alterior motive.  

They thought I would be a good doormat.

Though I feel depression is my weakness.  

I have been through many painful situations due to people not accepting me as I am.  But we managed to be happy again.

Recently I have become the neighbourhood joke.  

They insult me for not wanting to follow others ideas as to how I should live,look what I should be doing about my Sons care.

I have had people telling me no one likes me all of my life usually after they have tried in some way to cause me physical or emotional pain.  

I have no choice but to hear as I feel its deliberately done so I hear.

I don't mind that they don't like me I have my Son & my Mum.

I have had a few good friends to.  Even though its difficult to maintain friendships & care for my Son.  Certain people will never like me as I am too truthful for some.

I'm capable of being sociable when life is going well.

I am Asd myself. Atypical 

I have spent 19yrs looking after my Son.  

But people take this fact and try to use it to take advantage or try to make me feel bad I don't have a job or the things they have.  I don't feel jealousy its not natuaral to me.

But I feel they would like me to want what they have.

 My Asd doesn't bother me but others think I'm stuck up or shy.

I feel I'm introverted but I was happy.

I feel this has to be possible again.  My quietness then my fieryness when people try to control me has always got me into problems! This confuses others.

What is going through my mind right now is why can't people accept me for who I am.  Or leave me alone.

When they don't like me why, is it they seem to spend time trying to make me conform.  Then combust with rage when this doesn't work?

Plus why does society feel a diagnoesis of Asd means your incapable of speaking the truth.

My negative habits are mine to change.  But I feel thats to do with the depression not Asd traits.

I don't feel I'm liked it doesn't bother me but it seems others want to deliberately make me feel bad to make themselves feel good.  

Then tell me I'm negative.  It seems as long as you have a different point of view or don't follow the crowd its a problem.

I don't want to try to be what I'm not.  I like my own company.  Though I hardly ever get it!

We had our home which WAS private & safe untill this latest abuse.

We never needed anything as such minimalist works since the less we have the less to clean or steal.

 I'm really saddened by people at present.  When I asked for help I was accused of being dishonest.  

Which frankly made me fuming.  

So now I'm trying to think ahead but have constant reminders via verbal insults or character assination Mostly spiteful comments.

But I'm unable to move at present.  Any advice welcome!

Starstruck

 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Starstruck said:

    Nt like to be critical.

    One thing that I try to do is to avoid generalisations. Yes, some NTs are critical, but so are some people with autism. There is a massive spectrum of NT behaviour just as there is a spectrum of autism. Lots of NTs are lovely people, I think that we are sometimes not good at sorting the wheat from the chaff and it is easy to fall into a trap of thinking that it is them vs us. One of my Nt friends advised me that I should study the diversity of NT behaviour as much as I should study my autism. I think that was good advice.

  • Recombinantsocks,

    I smiled when I read this post.  Its so true.  Nt like to be critical.  God help you if you point out their serious flaws.

    I will be trying hard to keep my mouth shut now when necessary.

    The last bit about critisim.  I don't mind constructive critisim.  Yes you are on the ball that being too straight is seen as judgemental.

    The friends that I had loved my straight talking & they could tell me if they see flaws in me that could do with an attitude change.

    Mostly I'm missunderstood if I choose not to talk to some one.

    They feel I'm judging them. When I just don't want certain personality traits around my Son or me.

    I have had some one try to kick my door in, been burgled three times, so many other things. As much as I don't make trouble with people the not mixing is taken as a snub.

    Which isn't what I'm about.  Just me trying to avoid previous problems.

    I wouldn't be offended if people didn't talk to me because they didn't like some aspect of my persona.

    I try hard to respect people.  The classic thing perceiving situations differently gets in the way.

    Starstruck

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Starstruck said:

    I will defend myself by telling others what they did or said to offend me.  This is what people hate about me

    One thing that I have learned, since being diagnosed, is that my manner and forthrightness was, on occasions, offensive and unpleasant from other people's point of view. I have made a big effort to tone it down and "think twice and speak once" because it makes for an easier life for me. Telling it like you see it can also be felt, by others, to be judgemental, you may be criticising them and people really do not like being criticised.

  • I had  four advocates.  All of which eventually closed my case.  I was understood but told my case is complicated.

    Even though others varified they believed my account of what happened those,who have known me for years. 

    This is why I thought it best to start again else where.

    I'm not one for submitting to others if that will not benefit my family.  

    I Iive in a way that I try not to purposefully hurt others.  People feel this makes me stupid,old fashioned etc.

     I never like to be around verbally abusive people.

      I will defend myself by telling others what they did or said to offend me.  This is what people hate about me

     They imposed their behaviour on our lives in our home.  

    So it can't feel like my home again.  I can't feel safe taking my family to a place they have acted in this way.

    Telling the police made it worse.  

    So now I feel I need to make myself happy to look after my family as before all the drama.  

    Staying in the area where they keep reminding me what they got away with can't work.  Its just making me miserable!

    Tuesday I will try to get back to some kind of routine.

     It feels like I'm dragging myself through each day rather then living.  I have my issues obviously but have been able to be happy after.  

    This shouldn't be any different.  The difference this time is I'm tired of people trying to break my spirit.  It feels like their at war with me! I have anger for the behaviour.  But not hate. It feels like I'm fighting to be myself.

    I will look at the link, never heard of Susan Cain

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Starstruck,

    I have two thoughts that I hope you will find constructive.

    1. Have you tried using advocacy services? People with autism often struggle to make themselves understood and to be taken seriously. NAS have a page about this here www.autism.org.uk/advocacyandautism

    2. Have you come across the work of Susan Cain? She is not autistic as far as I know but has written and spoken about the benefits of the quiet life. See: www.ted.com/.../susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts

    Unfortunately, humans tend to behave like wild pack animals at times. They will pick up on differences and can be brutal in not tolerating difference. This can be useful for the survival of the pack (it avoids some chaos and anarchy) but it means that non-conformists will get picked upon unless the group is made to understand why you are different or you submit to their way of living. Resolving the ensuing conflict that this creates may require movement and understanding on both sides. Have you tried any mediation or advocay to help this process?

  • It was harassment.  The police didn't listen.  They blamed my Asd/depression which was only seasonal at the time.

    Since its got worse.  Nothing like being told you have emotional & phychological problems when trying to get help.

    Even though people witnessed some of the antisocial behaviour the police failed to acknowledge this.  

    The other person wouldn't lie for me but was ignored. Much more convenient to ignore facts.

    I'm a forgiving person but I feel to enjoy life again I need to start from scratch else where.

    Not have the constant boring verbal abuse from strangers! 

    This is my twenty seventh address  I wanted this to be my last move!  

    Wondering when people will leave us to live our lives how we want.

    Starstruck

      

  • I'm sorry Starstruck - I'm a bit confused by your post... What has happened?

  • Have you gone to the police about this? It sounds like harassment.