Teenage diagnosis

Thank-you for your reply it really touched me. I hope you don't have to wait too long for your assessment (currently 8 months where we live) Some of the struggles you describe are so familiar and we know our son's behaviours and 'quirks' as we like to call them are more than just personality. 

We are lucky to have a supportive school (finally) and a mentor there who approached us to suggest a referral. It has made the process so far straightforward and we haven't experienced the battle some parents have had to get their children assessed. During our eldest son's first meeting with the community psychiatric nurse, he started by saying we chat and then I report my findings to my colleagues and then we decide who we think needs further assessment. By the end of this meeting he simply said I don't even need to speak to my colleagues it is so evident that he has many of the traits of ASD. It was also obvious (like so many others) he had 'slipped through the net' because he was smart and not disruptive. The same thing has happened to our youngest we haven't had a meeting yet (currently filling in the first of many forms) but we know his anxiety levels are not normal (dislike that word) and that his 'quirks' are unusual. 

Perhaps to the untrained or inexperienced eye our son's our fine, intelligent and doing ok. Compared to many I expect they are but we truly believe with the extra support a diagnosis could bring it is important to continue. Your description of your personal battles confirms this, we really hope this is the start of a bright future for you. My son said he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders when he found out his brain was wired differently to his friends. He said "I know now I won't ever be exactly like them but that's ok, I don't have to be. I have an answer to why I don't fit in and it now makes sense" We hope you have your answers soon too.

All I can say is that if there is enough indicators for you to feel they should be assessed, then you are doing the correct thing! I'd give anything to go back to my teenage years and voice the fact 'I'm not right' or 'I don't think like my peers do' and 'i can't cope'.

My experience is: I'm 22 now and currently waiting to be assessed (I just got a confirmation letterrthat I'm on the waiting list to be allocated to a team member). I've spent years depressed, anxious and trying to 'grow out' of my 'shyness' and 'oddness'. I suspected (as did others) that it could be ASD, but I was in denial that I needed it confirmed. I dropped out of my honours year of university this year because of a meltdown. I nearly dropped out of high school in my 5th year because of a meltdown... I got no help back then, but I'm getting help now and hopefully will get my life back on track. 

Don't let people tell you otherwise -  ASD exists, and just because they are high functioning and not as obviously affected.  It doesn't mean a darn thing inside! I was assessed as a child; they thought I had learning difficulties (I didn't). But the stigma of autism back then (especially) and the popular thought that girls were unlikely (and usually would have learning difficulties with autism) probably meant I fell through the cracks. My own mother admits she stopped pushing because she didn't want me to end up forced into a special needs school when she knew I didn't have learning difficulties. So, please, don't let ignorance of those around you stop you fighting for your kids. Maybe they don't have ASD, perhaps it is something else? Maybe it isn't anything? But what harm is there in ensuring they get assessed? 

People told me I was just shy or I needed to be more confident for most of my life. Inside, I was crying, because I didn't and don't understand so much around me. I rely on google, books and how-to videos for the most ridiculous or normal things. I wanted to cry so much growing up, but I didn't, because I knew that nobody else cried about those things... I've felt like an alien my entire life. A foreign body in the world. I've never felt as if I belonged. I've raged because people didn't understand. I hated myself because I couldn't no matter how hard I tried be like everyone else.

You are doing the right thing by having your kids assessed. Don't let anyone around you say otherwise. My own Mum wishes she'd pushed it for me after watching my deterioate over the past few years. I'm rooting for you and your boys. Whatever the outcome, you are doing exactly what a good parent does!