Published on 12, July, 2020
From 2011 to 2014, I resided in supported accommodation in Edinburgh, that is run by an autism agency. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post the name of the company here, but anyway, here is a summary of the chaos that ensued.
A long time ago, I had a male worker who sent me emails pretending he knew my former partner from many years ago, who I was desperately trying to find for to perhaps begin a new relationship. He sent me emails using a pseudonym initially from those 'please get in touch' type ads I put up on Gumtree, and he admitted years later it was him. I'm not sure if he had some drink or drugs problem, or if he was only trying to help me in some weird way, but the emails had a lot of abusive remarks that were inappropriate for someone employed in this field of work. He basically made a fool of me. Nobody did anything about it either. He left in 2010. During our last shift, he actually repeated something from one of his emails, but it only confirmed what I felt all along.
I actually finally found my ex-girlfiend back in 2012 after I messaged her on Facebook. When I knew her in 2005, she was not exactly the trustworthy type, and people tried to dissuade me from looking for her in the first place, but it was like I had a mental "quest" to find her. She was the only woman I ever really dated as well.
She was O.K., for all of a week. Then she bullied me to buy her an iPod. She made out I was just a friend thereafter, and damaged the iPod while I was paying it up, then lied a lot, and just treated me like garbage in various ways even after I paid to have it repaired. We later fell out, but this was all down to the reality that she was very awkward all the time, like she had bipolar or something. The following year, she scammed me with a PlayStation 3 after she was temporarily acting nice again. We were meant to pay it jointly. But she had me paying it all off as she disappeared with the PS3 and it would have been too much hassle taken the matter up in court, since there was only her "word" that she said she'd pay her share.
The last time I saw her was in 2015, and I only saw her another once before that in 2014 - shortly before I ended up in jail. She seen me in the street in the early hours of the morning in 2015 when I was outdoors trying to avoid the police, and she asked me for money, then she wanted me to go away when she realized she wasn't getting anything. She won't add me on Facebook anymore. Her dad died in December, and there was a link on her page to his obituary. However, she was ultimately (no matter what) just a scammer who was never into me romantically.
Anyway, in 2013, I just happened to get a wee crush on a female support worker; I asked her out. O.K., it's not allowed by any means, but her bosses made a mountain of a molehill over it, and I wouldn't have cast it up again. She got one more support session with me a few months later, at some party for clients. But after that, she was allegedly going to work with me again, only she probably desired not to and was essentially dropped from my team. In order to fob me off, her bosses kept on saying I'd get shifts with her again, and she was just busy, while smirking. Etc. Well, eventually, I realized they were just talking rubbish, and I still believe this is what truly occurred. Because I happened to lose my cool and say something about her online, they used that outburst to say it was all my fault, but I was more or less manipulated. And I will always feel that way...
Something very similar then later occurred with my key worker, who is Spanish; I admitted to people I liked her whom I felt I could trust, and then they blabbed, but she was biding her time to reveal she knew I was hot for her. She once seemingly lied about going to Latin America. On the next shift after that announcement, I just got a bit over zealous, and said "petal" in a text message after I arranged for her to meet me at a snooker hall. She flipped out on the bus going back to my place, and she told me in a somewhat nasty way that she knew of my feelings for her. It was the complete opposite to how she was when I first worked with her, when she was so friendly. Every single time we had a shift after that day, she was incredibly moody, anxious, and cold. However, due to my infatuation with her, I did not tell anybody that she was acting horrid for fear of 'losing her' as my key worker. Eventually, we had one good shift where we attempted to make a cake, and it seemed (if only briefly) that the "nice" her had returned.
The same thing happened again: She was dropped from my team after that day. The folk in charge kept saying she was just busy. Etc. They had a fake smile on their faces and kept asking me how I was doing when they saw me, and applauding me. It felt kind of...odd (or 'put on' as it were). So I actually happened to see my so-called key worker in the office (they used it for sleepovers, too) and then she said I had to go to a meeting with a frown on her face (after weeks of the bosses lying). Then the guy who lied walked in, just grinning. Later, I chalked this up to me having been crapped on again, so I then sent a highly nasty and racist email to my now ex key worker as I was so angry. When I did go to that stupid meeting, they tried to say I wasn't working with her again because of the email...but I know that was a ploy.
I spent months feeling awful. It was truly hurtful indeed. It agitated me that I lost somebody so dear to my heart, and they disabled her work e-mail address and got her a new mobile number. After a while, the staff purposefully had me arrested by these pigs, and then tried to say they never knew I was arrested. What the hell? Well, I once saw my ex key worker outside my door talking to a client, and I tried in vain to reconcile with her. This was after all the nastiness, and BS that had gone on over the past year, including her running away in the street and jumping into an emergency taxi. One time, I even tried to hug her in front of people, and she acted venomous. Other times, she gave me dirty looks, as if she hated me.
After I went to prison on remand after being arrested multiple times in quick succession back in July of 2014, I wasn't even allowed inside my flat. One of the emails I sent to my ex key worker was sexually abusive sounding, but I was only behaving like that due to being frustrated. My mother was angry, and one member of staff said they never handled things right. My mother said it was a bit late now, and my mother says this person was 'taken back' by her reaction. Shortly after being released, I sent apologetic or analogous stuff online to the women again, so I was jailed again, and assaulted in my cell by this nutter.
Anyway, I was on bail for months before the court gave an outcome, and eventually, I was duped into ending my tenancy. The assistant boss who knew of my obsession with those women and allowed me to apologize to them in a meeting which I feel was a sham, had made out I had rent arrears. The council gave me a different story, but I guess they simply pulled a fast one just to get rid of me. After that, I was sentenced to supervision orders in court which meant I was told not to use social media, own an Internet enabled device, or of course, not to contact those people anymore. Not long thereafter, I sent apologetic letters and did "analogous" stuff again, so the court 'fully committed' me to jail after I appeared on a petition, after being arrested when the boyfriend of one of the women reported me for violating the non-harassment orders. They also sent me to another remand hall in a jail probably 50 miles from home, and when I had court hearings, they would have to drive me back to Barlinnie in Glasgow. The hall I was in was full of sex beasts.
I was also attacked in a holding cell, within the court. In 2015, I was in a cell with other men awaiting my hearing after being arrested again, so this thug ended up attacking me after I said I was on protection. Since the other guys refused to say they seen him attacking me, he got away with assaulting me.
Due to more breaches not related to those women, I was in court again recently because somebody on Twitter was a grass, and the sheriff wants me to go back to that company for support because he feels I'm stuck in a rut. The woman who reported me is an actress, so this film director who she is tight with omitted me from his new movie. However, why should I take anything to do with an agency that knowingly ruined my life many times already? All social services do now is mess me around, and last year, my court-appointed supervisor tried to use my then new male helpers as stool pigeons to monitor me rather than just help me. They were from a different agency, and because they had inflexible hours, I gave them up. Apart from this, I wanted to find work as a movie extra, and the social worker I have says that support workers cannot be paid £16 an hour just to watch me act in a film. What the hell? I've got major anxiety, so I need their support.
Please help...
I used to receive 9 hours of support, and I never paid a penny. Some people will read that as I'm "lucky" and think I'm an ungrateful jerk for having shot myself in the foot, but it's true. It's not my fault I get carried away by attractive females.
Social services paid for everything, and I was also getting both ESA and DLA, and all my rent paid for me for many years without lifting a finger, until DLA was replaced by PIP. Yet everything was relatively fine between the staff and I, right up until the aforementioned trouble arose because I got inappropriate feelings for women who helped me, but again, I have attachment issues because my world is too small. Now the funding has been cut for the support, so I can only have 6 hours with no flexibility, it seems.
The thing is, my sister keeps saying extras work is 'not her thing' sometimes. She went with me once before to do a film at night, and we were late in leaving the house. Punctuation is not always essential, but you should always be ready in plenty of time when you have someplace to be. Plus, she has a bowel disease and doesn't like to be rushed, so waiting around where there aren't any toilets nearby ain't ideal for her health. Today for example, I told her to start doing her measurements and processing the payment, but she gets easily sidetracked by the least wee things. But she can be very slow in general.
It's not that I want to nag people or hurry them up, but it's never wise to leave everything right to the last minute. Too often, people do that and it just causes unwanted stress. Plus, my old man started picking on me again this morning. We live in a busy household, and it's not easy to unwind. I'll be stuck here for probably another half a year or more, as I have to put in so many bids on flats from the city council. There's a lot going on as well because my sister lost her sons, and so there is a major court battle going on, and it keeps on worsening by the month.
It seems a bit "rich" that the company that ruined my happiness before is refusing to make it up to me, because I still feel they had a big hand in why I am where I am today. That isn't to say I didn't mess up too, but I really think the matter ought to be laid to rest forever now. It makes me feel I was sort of right to resent them for years, but either way, I have to finally let go of this lost cause. You know? You cannot make people like you, as sad as it is at times. If I just keep my nose clean from now on, there shouldn't be any more problems, because I think social services will watch me like a hawk now.