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trying to fix a broken friendship

Rach91

Hello my names Rachel I have asd adhd and I suffer from anxiety and depression and my ex which is now been my best friend has been trying to help me get through it. But on Wednesday we had a massive argument things where said that upset me. Things kept getting worse and my anxiety shot up like a rocket. After the argument he went home with his dad I tried grabbing him for a hug and for us to talk but he pushed me away and walked off not looking back at me. After that day we not spoken I tried ringing him and texting him nothing I sent him a letter by post still nothing I sent him a message on Facebook no luck. Now I've asked his friend to speak to him for me and he said he help now I've sent one of my dvds to him as a gift and I want to wright to his dad. I really want these ideas to work if not is there anything else I could do I have been giving him space to cool down I've not been harassing him. The issue I've got now is going out on my own because of my anxiety I've been getting better but now I've gone downhill. If I'm with a group of people I feel safe but on my own I can't seem to do it I try but the anxiety takes over and I run for the bbus home.

Parents

  • Grabbing him, then telling him you wanted a hug (rather than asking him) both make it more difficult to refuse a request, therefore it's not really consent to hugging, more like coercion. It sounds possible that this relationship is being driven by what you want it to be. Does he offer or suggest things? If interaction is mainly or exclusively as a result of you initiating it may be that he is just going along with things do as not to distress you further. You could try having minimal contract with him to see if he gets in touch and suggests things. If he doesn't then it may be that this is not someone who wants to continue being in your life. But if he does start initiating contact then hopefully it is because he wants to (and not from feeling pressure to do so, so that you aren't distressed).

    I know what I'm saying is unlikely to reduce your anxiety, because you are seeking to resolve you anxiety (about this relationship) by resuming contact with your friend/ex-partner. Making up with your friend may not be possible and you will need to find other ways, with or without pills, to cope.

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  • Grabbing him, then telling him you wanted a hug (rather than asking him) both make it more difficult to refuse a request, therefore it's not really consent to hugging, more like coercion. It sounds possible that this relationship is being driven by what you want it to be. Does he offer or suggest things? If interaction is mainly or exclusively as a result of you initiating it may be that he is just going along with things do as not to distress you further. You could try having minimal contract with him to see if he gets in touch and suggests things. If he doesn't then it may be that this is not someone who wants to continue being in your life. But if he does start initiating contact then hopefully it is because he wants to (and not from feeling pressure to do so, so that you aren't distressed).

    I know what I'm saying is unlikely to reduce your anxiety, because you are seeking to resolve you anxiety (about this relationship) by resuming contact with your friend/ex-partner. Making up with your friend may not be possible and you will need to find other ways, with or without pills, to cope.

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