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"Coming Out"

Trainspotter

I know it does not suit everyone to 'come out' about their autism and autistic tendencies. 

However, personally I am a great believer in letting others know of problems that I have that may offer some explanation, for their sake as much as mine.

I was diagnosed just before Christmas at the age of 62.  My behaviour and strange comments and misunderstandings, and 'losing it' have been great discussion points I'm sure among the chattering classes at work since time immoral, long before I was diagnosed.  My manager is aware of my condition (although she does not seem to understand in what way it affects me), and I have told some trusted colleagues and have got noting but support from them.

So now, as I am about to have a workplace assessment for what adjustments can be put in place, I think it is time I 'came out' about my condition.  However, I can't think that everyone will be sympathetic - to some, they will think it is some sort of excuse, a get out of jail free card, a way of avoiding certain tasks.  And I certainly don't want people to treat me as if I can't do anything by myself.  I am just the same person I ever was, however my outbursts, shouting and seemingly unacceptable behaviour at times can be explained.

I am seeking funding so a local support group can give some training to my work colleagues about autism and think this will be useful.  But I don't know whether I should have an announcement made to my colleagues beforehand or just tell someone who I know won't keep their mouth shut and just let it take its natural course. Or should I just leave it to someone else to say.

I know I have nothing to be ashamed of (and also that it is really none of anyone elses business apart from I think it will really make things easier for me in the long run, so why am I so apprehensive about all this?  After all, homosexuality was kept 'under the carpet' in the not so distant past and it is now accepted by all but ignorant bigots as something that is just a normal part of some people's lives.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Trainspotter

    I'm pleased that you have found coming out to be positive. I came out in the firm (A) where the problems first really reared their heads. I left that firm (things had gone beyond the point of return) and joined another (B) and am now in another firm (C). Firm A should have been a good environment but management was fundamentally bad. Firm B was the wrong environment for me - the management were supportive but the job and the timescales/mix of work was bad for me so I walked away after 12 months. Firm C, after 5 months in role, has a supportive management and the mix of work is ideal for me. They have allowed me time to settle in and they are not chasing me constantly so I get on and start and finish things in a sensible (to me!) order.

    I came out and told everyone in Firm A - my collegues were really good (a few said they thought they were on the spectrum and others had relatives or friends with diagnoses) but there was one manager who just did not get it and ultimately the town was two small for the both of us so I left. Firm B was told when I joined as I had to do a medical screening first. My immediate manager was good but the work mix and support for the work was not compatible with me. I told a few colleagues but did not broadcast it widely. I picked the people I told and that worked well. Firm C was told after I had been offered the job. My manager is really good although he doesn't know much about it - he is just a good manager and allows people enough space to get on (or hang themselves!) without being on their shoulders constantly.

    I went to Access to Work too and found them supportive and knowledgable (the relevant work was outsourced to The British Legion who do a line in helping people and organisations to get on with each other.) but they couldn't fix a really broken or incompatible situation.

    I also had help from Bristol's autism support service who were excellent but, again, were unable to fix broken companies. They really helped me understand myself and what autism is all about.

    Your mileage may vary! Coming out can be really good but it is best done with care! My main point is that we, and the organisations we find ourselves in, are all different and one may find that moving organisations may be part of the solution. Coming out can have positive results but also negative so I would urge any newcomers to err on the side of caution - do tell some people but not necessarily everyone.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Trainspotter

    I'm pleased that you have found coming out to be positive. I came out in the firm (A) where the problems first really reared their heads. I left that firm (things had gone beyond the point of return) and joined another (B) and am now in another firm (C). Firm A should have been a good environment but management was fundamentally bad. Firm B was the wrong environment for me - the management were supportive but the job and the timescales/mix of work was bad for me so I walked away after 12 months. Firm C, after 5 months in role, has a supportive management and the mix of work is ideal for me. They have allowed me time to settle in and they are not chasing me constantly so I get on and start and finish things in a sensible (to me!) order.

    I came out and told everyone in Firm A - my collegues were really good (a few said they thought they were on the spectrum and others had relatives or friends with diagnoses) but there was one manager who just did not get it and ultimately the town was two small for the both of us so I left. Firm B was told when I joined as I had to do a medical screening first. My immediate manager was good but the work mix and support for the work was not compatible with me. I told a few colleagues but did not broadcast it widely. I picked the people I told and that worked well. Firm C was told after I had been offered the job. My manager is really good although he doesn't know much about it - he is just a good manager and allows people enough space to get on (or hang themselves!) without being on their shoulders constantly.

    I went to Access to Work too and found them supportive and knowledgable (the relevant work was outsourced to The British Legion who do a line in helping people and organisations to get on with each other.) but they couldn't fix a really broken or incompatible situation.

    I also had help from Bristol's autism support service who were excellent but, again, were unable to fix broken companies. They really helped me understand myself and what autism is all about.

    Your mileage may vary! Coming out can be really good but it is best done with care! My main point is that we, and the organisations we find ourselves in, are all different and one may find that moving organisations may be part of the solution. Coming out can have positive results but also negative so I would urge any newcomers to err on the side of caution - do tell some people but not necessarily everyone.

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