familay

Hi Sherbie

You are not burdening me, I am actually off loading on you too.  We are in similar circumstances where we are considering withdrawing our son for the same reasons and I have the same concerns.  Is there a better school you could travel to that would support her more?  Or if the school environment just does not work, you probably know this already but their is a good website I have come across called schoolhouse and they are a fountain of knowledge on home schooling.  They have organised events where you can get together with other home schoolers and may be able to offer you advice over the phone. 

Can you invite any of her old classmates round for a 1-1 play or to meet somewhere that has a set time i.e. badminton game or whatever interests her.  A lot of theatre's do activities and classes and are getting really good at accommodating support needs.  Our theatre (1 hour away) has special co-ordinators employed just to support special needs.  Can you get an online package that would take some of the worry about curriculum away.  i.e. Education City? This could be an hour a day and covers the core subjects and is lots of fun.

It is good her stress levels are lower as she will be learning more.  When stressed they stop learning.  Does she know she has autism? 

It is draining.  You are right about changing your family.  You have done what you can but can only change yourself and try not to take onboard their weakness as your problem, you have enough on your plate. In our situation our experience I would say they may come round in time but do not expect this.  Accept you understand and that is most important.  They are still family and important but you are putting your daughter first as that is what a good parent does.  Adapt how you interact with your family, social get togethers to suit you and your daughter.  Sometimes if someone else speaks to them about autism they listen better.   Seems to be a thing in families that they never give those closest credibility... they are probably scared of the what they do not understand.  This is just what we found in our situation, every family and situation are different but I hope it reassures you, that you are not alone and there are many more in the same situation.

Keep at it and try and get a little bit of respite time for yourself.

I had to withdraw my daughter from school as she was being bullied and didnt understand the social side with her peers it seems so unfair that i had to do this and now i feel she isnt getting the care that she needs from me or the social interaction that she really needs I am not the best teacher for her but the one thing that has being noticed is her stress levels have came down by at least half which is realy good but i just think that the school didnt play there part in trying to help her she was in mainstreem school as they said she could cope with the work ,mabey she could cope with the work but she built all stresses inside her and exploded when she got home,She is now asking whats wrong with her that girls dont like her or want to be her friend i really dont no what to tell her. Any help would be greatfull thanks

Thankyou for your help,I want to put down rules so the family can try and stick to them but i dont like doing this as they dont like rules,Its just like they dont want to understand i have had them all on courses,books even had people round to answer all their questions but they still dont want to change.It can be very trying on my husband and myself,mabey its just time for me to change and if the family cant change its mabey time i did.I also have a 23yr old who is going to be tested for autsim its taken along time and as a mum i feel very guilty that it has gone on for so long without being noticed,I also home teach my girl as she was not coping with the social side of school although she copes accademically she was bullied quite badlay so 3 schools later i took the dissicion to withdraw her from school, sorry to have burdened you with my problems but things are so hard at times and it is good to talk with someone that understands your pain.

Hi, poor you, it is hard when those closest do not understand. You are not alone. The majority of us have unfortunately had a similar experience at some time. You may have tried offering booklets etc already. Can any of them accompany you to a mtg with specialists to help them see it is a real disability or watch some of programmes on iplayer that may help if they can see some similarities? I think some family take a long time to reach acceptance and some wld rather bury their head in the sand as find it painful and are afraid. For yourselves, we found giving  a bit of distance and being firm about living in a way  that was best for us as a family reduced our stress. It is easy to say but don't beat yourself up if they do not understand this complex and disguised condition but take comfort that you are strong enough to know you are right and doing your best for your daughter. We all want approval from our family but sometimes we do know better and should not feel guilty or bad about that. She needs you and you are being good parents supporting her. Sadly, our son, soon did not enjoy being around the family that do not understand. We now have brief visits when he is with us and would never leave him alone with them. Try to rise above it and keep hold of that courage. It may get better in time.