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What is the point of it all

TheHopster

What is the point of it all? This life thingy is rather overrated isn't it? 

There's a harsh reality that's crept upon me. The reality that no matter how hard I try, I'll always have boundaries. And they're harsh boundaries. It's not a life worth having. 

My autism means even at 20 years old I'm bound to a life of boredom and misery. I have no friends, no chance of relationship and I'm struggling in my university degree. I have very few hobbies to speak of, struggle to speak to my own family members and more. 

The thing is if I lived in some sort of bubble I'd be fine. I could have an interest, in let's say birds and take that interest further. But I don't. I like things that normal people like (I don't mean to sound hurtful using the word normal, but I suffer from it so I'm using it). I don't live in a bubble though. I know I have limitations, I know what aspergers does to me, I know what it means to me. 

I then think to what my future life could be like. I could be working either in a warehouse or an office. Both options sound bad. I'd still struggle to speak to people, I'd still struggle to make friends, I'd still struggle in day to day activities (oh btw did I mention I still live with my parents?). 

At the age of 80 I could be living in a care home, barely visited by anybody and sitting there waiting to die. I'm nearly 21 and I'm sitting here waiting to die. Why wait? 

I refuse to accept my life like this. I can't change it, but I'm not just accepting it. Therefore, I have made a decision. This decision is to be in a situation where I never have to face any of these realities of later life. They won't apply to me considering what I'm planning. 

Cheerio 

 

Parents

  • Hi TheHopster

    I've been where you are now without a diagnosis, I felt something was wrong and reached out for help when I was a bit older than you are now. I got no support.

    25 years on I discovered I was on the spectrum last year.

    The national autistic society has an e-befriending service. Also in some areas a befriending service, in person.

    The befriending service was not available in my area, and almost gave up. So I thought I would see how the e-befriending service goes, expecting it to last for a few months and it fizzle out.

    It has really made a big difference to me, I guess it depends on who your befriender is and how you get on with them.

    I hear alot on here about no possibility of a job, I have never really had an issue with that getting a lucky break when I left school, a local company offered a job to my teacher, but put them in touch with me as he did not want it.

    Even with success in my working life, I still felt the same way you do as it was friendships and relationships which were most important for me.

    Please speak to your GP about your feelings, depresssion, anxiety are big problems for me

    Random

Reply

  • Hi TheHopster

    I've been where you are now without a diagnosis, I felt something was wrong and reached out for help when I was a bit older than you are now. I got no support.

    25 years on I discovered I was on the spectrum last year.

    The national autistic society has an e-befriending service. Also in some areas a befriending service, in person.

    The befriending service was not available in my area, and almost gave up. So I thought I would see how the e-befriending service goes, expecting it to last for a few months and it fizzle out.

    It has really made a big difference to me, I guess it depends on who your befriender is and how you get on with them.

    I hear alot on here about no possibility of a job, I have never really had an issue with that getting a lucky break when I left school, a local company offered a job to my teacher, but put them in touch with me as he did not want it.

    Even with success in my working life, I still felt the same way you do as it was friendships and relationships which were most important for me.

    Please speak to your GP about your feelings, depresssion, anxiety are big problems for me

    Random

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