Hi all,
I suppose it doesn't sound 100% credible to say I have ASD when I haven't even been diagnosed. But that's not really my fault there - it's the shambolic NHS services that have forgotten about me, put me on a shelf like some unwanted object. Anyway....
I just know I am an aspie. Too many leads and signs. I feel confident about this to the extent that I have told my Parents. But they don't really believe me.
Mum sort of brushes it off to the side. Clearly in denial She has a "non-normative" child. Just accept it, for crying out loud!! Says it doesn't change anything and that I just need to get a grip. *Shudders* She insists she remembers me when I was little better and that I wasn't like that. Rubbish again. I was more mature and cleverer than other children. Learned to read before turning 5, and I was even assessed I could go to school early (except I didn't want to lol). I remember I knew no social rules and talked to every bloody stranger; ugh. And always so darn naive. Anyway, even worse that one time my Auntie, pretty much currently the only relative whom I've told and believes me, let me know Mum complained to her the other day that I "made up yet another condition" for myself. Great way to treat me behind my back isn't it? But kudos to my lovely Auntie who is awesome, and actually has an autistic child too (and luckily for my little Cousin, everyone's supportive rather than full of disregard).
My Father meanwhile said I must "have what he has”. Utter nonsense. He is very social and most he could have is ADHD, which is probably true. He on multiple occasions encouraged me to "go out and meet new people". No! This is not my scene. I don't like it and never will. And for hell it will never fix my problems. And even better - when I brought up my ASD in front of both him and Mum at the same time, he said "But you don't have autism"... Seriously? Shows how much he's been listening.... -_-
Whenever I'm asked to describe my Parents to others, first thing I say is "They're not really nice people”. Arguing is their favourite thing to do. Even on my birthdays, so many of which they ruined that I completely stopped bothering to celebrate - now just a day like another for me. They never believe a word that I say even though I am not particularly a serial fib-teller. And I never tell lies about serious stuff - quite an opposite! I haven't done anything to deserve the treatment they give me, and at my age I can conclude they simply have not matured to be parents - even almost 20 years later.
They make tons of promises they never keep - "internet in 3 months" turned into 2.5 years, "new computer soon" turned into 5 years; now a camera I was due to get in june got postponed for Christmas. How can you make promises then break them like that? It's driving me insane!!
They also never ever really praise me. I have gently asked them to try it sometimes -- bad move. Still got Father's "What, you want a medal??" ringing in my head. Or Mother's "Why not A*?!?" when I was the one out of only 5 people who got above B in the first GCSE my Maths Class did (top set too) back in Year 10 - and only girl too.
And they have even witnessed my meltdowns, which should convince every normal person, but of course not them. My Father just walks away and doesn't care what happens; occasionally he brands me "mental" or/and "spoiled". Whilst my Mother tries to uselessly grab hold of me, only getting hurt in the process. Sigh.
Yes, a rather hopeless situation isn't it? I won't be surprised if nobody comes up with a solution to convince these two self-obsessed twits... I failed badly and know them better than anyone :(
