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Convincing Parents I really have ASD (pre-diagnosis)

Alisha

Hi all,

I suppose it doesn't sound 100% credible to say I have ASD when I haven't even been diagnosed. But that's not really my fault there - it's the shambolic NHS services that have forgotten about me, put me on a shelf like some unwanted object. Anyway....

I just know I am an aspie. Too many leads and signs. I feel confident about this to the extent that I have told my Parents. But they don't really believe me.

Mum sort of brushes it off to the side. Clearly in denial She has a "non-normative" child. Just accept it, for crying out loud!! Says it doesn't change anything and that I just need to get a grip. *Shudders* She insists she remembers me when I was little better and that I wasn't like that. Rubbish again. I was more mature and cleverer than other children. Learned to read before turning 5, and I was even assessed I could go to school early (except I didn't want to lol). I remember I knew no social rules and talked to every bloody stranger; ugh. And always so darn naive. Anyway, even worse that one time my Auntie, pretty much currently the only relative whom I've told and believes me, let me know Mum complained to her the other day that I "made up yet another condition" for myself. Great way to treat me behind my back isn't it? But kudos to my lovely Auntie who is awesome, and actually has an autistic child too (and luckily for my little Cousin, everyone's supportive rather than full of disregard).

My Father meanwhile said I must "have what he has”. Utter nonsense. He is very social and most he could have is ADHD, which is probably true. He on multiple occasions encouraged me to "go out and meet new people". No! This is not my scene. I don't like it and never will. And for hell it will never fix my problems. And even better - when I brought up my ASD in front of both him and Mum at the same time, he said "But you don't have autism"... Seriously? Shows how much he's been listening.... -_-

Whenever I'm asked to describe my Parents to others, first thing I say is "They're not really nice people”. Arguing is their favourite thing to do. Even on my birthdays, so many of which they ruined that I completely stopped bothering to celebrate - now just a day like another for me. They never believe a word that I say even though I am not particularly a serial fib-teller. And I never tell lies about serious stuff - quite an opposite! I haven't done anything to deserve the treatment they give me, and at my age I can conclude they simply have not matured to be parents - even almost 20 years later.

They make tons of promises they never keep - "internet in 3 months" turned into 2.5 years, "new computer soon" turned into 5 years; now a camera I was due to get in june got postponed for Christmas. How can you make promises then break them like that? It's driving me insane!!

They also never ever really praise me. I have gently asked them to try it sometimes -- bad move. Still got Father's "What, you want a medal??" ringing in my head. Or Mother's "Why not A*?!?" when I was the one out of only 5 people who got above B in the first GCSE my Maths Class did (top set too) back in Year 10 - and only girl too.

And they have even witnessed my meltdowns, which should convince every normal person, but of course not them. My Father just walks away and doesn't care what happens; occasionally he brands me "mental" or/and "spoiled". Whilst my Mother tries to uselessly grab hold of me, only getting hurt in the process. Sigh.

Yes, a rather hopeless situation isn't it? I won't be surprised if nobody comes up with a solution to convince these two self-obsessed twits... I failed badly and know them better than anyone :(

  • I understand - I'm a female Aspie in my 50s and my parents are no longer in my life, but I know that if they were and knew about my aspergers ( I found out less than a year ago) they would be dismissive. They were also self obsessed and forever arguing.

    I was so glad to leave home at 18. I was so lucky in having a supportive partner (my parents didn't like him either) who I'm still with now 

    It can be difficult to impose structure into your life when you're on your own. Try creating a daily routine - it might help to write it down. Try to make cooking a hobby - get a cookbook or search on the internet for recipes, then get a notebook and write in it the recipes you like. Start with easier ones and don't be afraid to experiment a bit, for instance trying a different vegetable in a dish if you don't like the one in the recipe.

    Can you take a course at a local college in a subject you're interested in, maybe one which could help you get a job you'd enjoy?

    Don't bother discussing aspergers with your parents - its not worth the stress. Accept it's part of who you are and try to look forward and plan a life for yourself. If you need support, come onto this forum to chat or ring the autism helpline.

    Good luck

    Pixie

  • Hello,

    First and foremost, thanks for reply! ^v^

    I am 19 years old, 20 next month actually D: Scary stuff, especially that I look nothing my age (everyone think I'm 15-16...). By law I am an adult indeed but emotionally, I still don't feel like one. Always felt best in company of younger people as well.

    I used to live with Parents but do live alone for almost 3 months now. It's a huge relief; the peace I longed for so much, in the sense of nobody bothering me when I don't want to, is finally there.

    Well, some stuff that I can immediately recall that hint I might have ASD: lack of eye contact (I don't have the reflex at all and need to force myself to look into people's eyes), hatred of big gatherings (e.g. parties), difficulty to speak to people I don't know (especially first), anxiety from the thought of having to see people (going out to the shop for example), obsession with symmetry, perfection and tiniest detail (I once blew a fuse in a hoover because I used it for 3 hours non-stop and still found the carpet not clear enough; in my English class at college my teachers immediately noticed I see the detail other kids miss), and of course susceptibility for meltdowns (overwhelm me and there I am crying and punching myself uncontrollably), and to obsess over stuff - or worse, people. My first full-scale hobby are fish (I recognise every fish at pet shops, and stunned everyone at the Biology London Zoo trip too), buses the other - everybody non-affiliated ask me how I know so much stuff - well, I just do!

    But I wholeheartedly agree it's a good idea to note it all, absolutely. I actually have a weird satisfaction over writing lists and all, even 'pointless' ones xD

    I have an acquaintance who also concluded he must have ASD, but unlike me he fears to be diagnosed. He has most of his life settled anyway and doesn't really feel he needs it. And I do understand. But he's older - and I could say a lot stuff about myself, but that my life is "in shape" - that'd be a horrid lie. I already think my underperformance at college and developing depression since Year 9 were results of me not receiving the help I needed. And I still think I require it, before I mess up my life even more.

    At the moment I can't even cook because the whole concept just seems beyond my mind. I need detailed instrutions outlining every step otherwise I am completely clueless and don't even know where to start. I'd love to have a settled life of course. Where I can fend for myself (currently still semi-dependent on Parents). Where I hold a job - even my job "finding" right now is a huge struggle, I can't really write* (*read: finish) a CV, nor find courage to talk to key people about possible employment. I know I also wouldn't be able to do many jobs purely because I'd easily get confused and lose focus, too.

    So absolutely, I do need support there. I might be more autistic than initially thought :S I just hope that when I'm diagnosed some action is finally taken, because right now it's just a joke. Waiting lists? More like waiting lists to die...

    See - You are at least blessed with a partner - I never was even in a relationship and am convinced don't really stand much chance of ever getting to be, given how weird and picky I am... And Parents - well, emotional support is one thing they'd always fail at, so I can't go there. Maybe reaching out to my Auntie could be of some help. Everyone always noticed in how much better mood I always was whenever I got to visit them.

    Anyway, thanks for response