Teenage boy (17) with 'mild' Aspergers

My son is almost 17 years old.  I have suspected since he was young that something was different about him.  I have never had him tested.  He is an average student, with not alot of friends.  He is very un-coordinated.  He does like to join things, he is on the track team, Drama Club, Band, Chorus and he is a very good snow and water skier.  He has never had any behvahior issues, but he doesn't interact like the other kids do. Most of his socialization comes from the groups he is involved in.  He doesnt go out much other than that.  He is very good kid.  Over the years whenever I suggested to him that he may be different, he didn't respond well.  He has high self esteem, and i didn't want to hurt that, so I never pushed it.  He holds a part-time job as a dishwasher at a local resturaunt which he enjoys.

He is a Junior in high school and has every intention of going to college.  I worry what will happen in college, when he rooms with a stranger, when the kids he knows will are not around to look out for him, that new kids well not accept him, that he may fall behind in his school work, that someone may take advantage of him becuase he is too trusting.

Does anyone have a simialr situation?

Delighted to have found this post. Same as yourselves, have a boy of 18, aspie, absolutely lovely boy, text book social problems, terribly lonely, lost, recent breakdown dropped out of college, managed to get him to finish one A level. 

Just looking for support, chat and a virtual cup of coffee. 

my son is the youngest of 3 and i'd already was going through difficulties with my middle child i knew from very early on that he had something going on that wasnt being picked up on. He had difficulties feeding to start and that lead to speech and language problems mobility ect the list just goes on, luckly i've a fantastic relationship with him i dont know wether its because i see similar problems in his dad that i could understand him more than others.

Emotions are still a big thing and too be honest i think they will always be problems there as there are with his dad( his dad not diagnoised but when our son was being dianiosed we were told he is certainly on the autistic spectrum somewhere) all we can do is help them the best we can let them know whats right and not in the way they are to others and around others.

I know what you mean about driving you up the wall but where only human too and its not easy dealing with it all either i wouldnt feel guilty about that i have days like that now x

my son is the youngest of 3 and i'd already was going through difficulties with my middle child i knew from very early on that he had something going on that wasnt being picked up on. He had difficulties feeding to start and that lead to speech and language problems mobility ect the list just goes on, luckly i've a fantastic relationship with him i dont know wether its because i see similar problems in his dad that i could understand him more than others.

Emotions are still a big thing and too be honest i think they will always be problems there as there are with his dad( his dad not diagnoised but when our son was being dianiosed we were told he is certainly on the autistic spectrum somewhere) all we can do is help them the best we can let them know whats right and not in the way they are to others and around others.

I know what you mean about driving you up the wall but where only human too and its not easy dealing with it all either i wouldnt feel guilty about that i have days like that now x

Well I really feel for you and understand totally how you feel.  Although my son is still at college he never goes out anywhere with friends.  Since reading and finding out about Aspergers only in the last 3 months I have been much more relaxed with my son and to be honest we have a much better relationship.  It has always been ok really but he could drive you up the wall.  Now I feel so sad that he used to annoy me but he was struggling in his own way and I didn't know that.  I just want to help him be the best person he can be. 

There are no easy answers here are there.  Like your son my family have always seen my son as slightly odd with his own way quirky ways when all the time there was something wrong.  I feel desperate I didn't have him looked at earlier.  I just always thought he was his own person and at least I knew he would never do anything he didn't think was right.  He is never frightened to say no if he doesn't want to do something and I always thought that was a good thing.

My son doesn't see emotions at all. I got a little advice from the lady who diagnosed him saying to let him know of his emotions.  I have to do this every time, for example sometimes he seems so rude if he doesn't want to talk to me.  I have to tell him he is being rude and tell him how not to be and what he should say or do.  She says it could take a couple of years but eventually he will get it. She said sometimes it will click very quickly but sometimes could take up to five years.  When he gets to 25-30 ish he will settle in to his way of dealing with himself so now is the time to help.  I don't know if you have that problem.

Hi

I found it a great deal easier when he was younger to find ways to cope with things we learnt over time different stragies for different senarios over time, although he hasnt long been given the diagnois its always been obvious to me and i suppose the family in a strange way. Not that they accept he has a disability but he's treated different he's a lad with quirks!!!

I'm devasted for him that college has planned out for him he wanted so much to go to uni and do archeology and sadly after struggling at first in college he decided he didnt want to go through that again. I cant balme him he became increasingly anxious and depressed more than he has ever been in his life. We try talking through with him about it but he doesnt find it easy to express himself. I've tryed encouraging him to join groups ect to maintain some outward outlet but he's not interested.

Where trying to relax a little with him at the moment and see if he can think things through and choose a direction to go in, but its negativity from others that make that hard there not obviously challenged in the eyes of others are they. Because they dont look different theres not much understanding for them is there x

Arr, I know how you feel about them not really understanding Aspergers.  If your son is like mine, generally you would never know he was different to anyone else.  I think this is what is hard about people helping him that don't really understand Aspergers. 

 I feel I need to be one step ahead.  As college is going well (at the moment) I am looking at the next step, be it university or work.  This site (NAS) seems to have information on about jobs for Aspergers people but I haven't looked into it yet but I intend to.  I feel if I had too I would look employers out myself for the type of job I think he could cope with.  Nothing will be easy but I just try to keep looking forward and staying positive.  It is so good to talk to others with similar problems though as you do feel on your own a bit.

I feel the college should of helped you more.  I have friends who work at colleges and it is definitely what they should have done.  Is it not worth finding him another course and trying again? (Sorry, I realise that is easier said than done!) 

I am desperately trying to find out how my son can cope with this for his future and also if there is anything I can do differently to help him.  Do you do anything different with your son that you think helps?  Also are you able to talk to him about it?

As I said earlier the information I have read so far is great on telling me what Aspergers is but not (or if) there is anything we can do to help the situation.

My son never goes out with friends.  Once he finished school that all stopped.  I am just glad he is still at college as at least he mixes there.

JA

Hi yes he attended college but has finished now it wasnt easy i had meetings with the college before he started and they promised to have things in place before he started to support him, he struggled the first 3 months as they didnt give him the support. Luckly i had found a college near where his grandparents live so he never used the canteen for breaks he went to there house.

We were hoping he would go back this year but he wasnt given any positive responses from the college so sadly he's not in college or working which is having a knock on effect socially. Scope are working with him to try and find him some sort of work or work placement but sometimes its so obvious they dont understand aspergers they bombard him with information that he dosent maintain and through him into situations which really freak him out

Hi DJmum

I have replied to Bessie and I think you will be able to see my reply. 

Has you son gone on to college?My son dropped out of his first college year as he didn't like the course.  Later it came to light that he couldn't cope with the way the canteen was set up and there was nowhere for him to sit quietly.

He is now at a new college and has settled in very well although is struggling with the course.  The college have been fantastic and are now helping him one hour per week which he seems to be enjoying.

I am very happy to keep these conversations going to see if we can help each other.

Hi Bessie

Great to hear from you, thank you.

Unfortunately my son did only just ok at school but is now at college and getting an hour per week help.  Although there was a lot of diffuculty bringing him up all this has only just come to light over the last couple of months and he himself is willing to accept help which is great.  Trouble is where or what is the help??  I am reading Tony Attwoods book 'The complete guide to Asperger Syndrome' at the moment and it is giving me a great insight as to what the condition is but I am struggling to find out the best way to help my son and if there are ways to help at all.  He suffers greatly with emotions, unable to pick up on them. 

I would like to keep chatting about this if possible.

Thanks 

Hi my son the same he has his quirks but there different to whats expected had to fight for any sort of diagnois but still in limbo with it all really.

Finding it difficult right now as left school and everything has changed would love to talk to others x

Hi,

I have a 16year old diagnosed the same,hes a great kid to know nothing like these teenagers you see,acts totaly different,so kind,loving and helpfull,in his own way.

Yes we've have our ups and downs,but he likes to be treated normal.hes doing 100% at school top of year.

i thought i was the only one with son diagnosed like this, been longing to find someone in same situation.nice to meet you