• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 28 subscribers
  • Views 462 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

recovering from depression

Rach91

Hello my name Rachel I've made a few posts on here anyway I'm 24 and have asd adhd and I also suffer from depression. I am slowly starting to recover but it's really hard my depression started when I was in a relationship with my old boyfriend who doesn't have asd. I waa really horrible to him kept having a go at him for silly little things and I then started to get very controlling and I started swearing at him calling him nasty names. He put up with a lode of abuse from me anyway one night I lost it I accused him of cheating when he wasn't cheating anyway we had a massive argument and I snapped he walked off I run up to him screaming and I wanted to hit him but he pushed me away in defence he tried calming me down but he couldn't I just was in a huge meltdown.  Next thing I remember is me wrapping myself around his legs and I looked in his eyes and I knew he was just going to burst into tears then out of know where the police came and my ex was arrested because of my meltdown.  I told the police I was on the spectrum and to let him go but they didn't luckily no charges where made and our relationship ended and a week later after I took an overdose I was diagnosed with depression which explains the way I was during the relationship.  Any I am now starting to recover and last week me and my ex agreed to meet he is no longer my ex instead he my old bf because an ex to me is someone in the past and well he not in the past he still in my life. Anyway he forgave me don't hate me however when we me he said thst I'm still not well which I agree with and he said before we ca  think about starting over and seeing what happens I need to sort my head out. He understands that my behaviour was due to my illness and he knows I'm a lovely girl not some control freak bully. The issue is I'm trying to get better I got a job looking after the elderly and sick at the local hospital looking to become a nurse but if something goes wrong my depression comes back and start to make plans on ending it but I never go through with it I walk the dog instead and I'm terrified that I'm gonna hurt him again and I'm so angry with myself. I know deep down I'm a nice caring person and that my illness turned me into something I'm not. I really want to get better and it would be nice to start over and what happened that night we can laugh and joke about it and t never happen again but what if it does what then how can I control myself if I go into meltdown again. 

  • Sorry to hear that. I hope you don't mind me giving my opinion. But I feel you need stability & he's not helping. He shouldn't expect to come & go as he fancies. If he loved you wouldn't he want to support you through the good & bad times. If I truly loved someone I don't think I could last that long without them. Maybe I'd take a week away every now & then, but never that long. It just seems as if he's only back now so you won't get over him.

  • Ok thanks for the advice I did look into anger management but I was told I didn't need it I spoke to my psychiatrist who specialise in autism and mental health and he said that my adhd medication had stopped working because my body grew to used to it and increased the dosage. I find its helped the problem.  I been to counciling but after my sessions had ended my ex told me he didn't want to know me causing a mega meltdown which ended u with me in hospital after take an overdose cocktail. A month to 6 weeks later my ex gets back in touch apolgising for what he done saying he only wanted to give me space and snapped because I wouldn't listen to him and we ok now. But all these fears are still there. I'm aware of my triggers and I go to support groups I'm trying to overcome these triggers for the sake of my family and friends and also to hopefully build a new fresh relationship with my old boyfriend 

  • I think you need help to find the cause of your anger. Even a meltdown usually has a cause. Although your diagnosis are autism & depression, that's not the cause. I knew a woman who behaved that way, but she had been abused as a child. I also knew a few others, who had made bad choices that they couldn't get over. Because of their reluctance to seek help, they drove everyone away. They used work, relationships & drink to distract themselves. But their problem remained because they never addressed what provoked it.