never ending nightmare

Hello Rachel,

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling like this.  My daughter is Autistic but I am what you all refer to as an NT.  I suffered with depression all of my life and I am nearing my 40's, so firstly it is not because of your own diagnosis, anyone can suffer with depression.

I too feel anxious about everything, I once turned off the washing machine mid cycle so it didn't 'blow up'! but somehow I have had to find the strength to carry on, focus on something else.  If you think your life goes from bad to worse, here is a snippet of my life, so hopefully you can realise yours is worth fighting for.  Please note, none of this is fabricated;

I have always been bullied from first school, middle, high, college, uni and work.

My family have nothing to do with me - they have met my Autistic daughter twice - she is now 8 and have never met my son.

I owe about 60k.

My husband and I had decent jobs when he took ill back in Jan 2012.  I had to quit to care for him.

He took 1 year to recover, then found out he had cancer.

My husbands mum passed away in July 2014 unexpectedly

I had to care for him from 2013 for a further 3.1/2 years through 4 lots of intense chemo (horrific), three major surgeries, 5 solid weeks of radiotherapy, plus loads of other stuff.  

He died in May 2016

My list is probably another 3 times longer, i have just listed the main ones.

My daughters school have just accused me of forcing her to stay up all hours doing homework and jobs that I don't do and they accused me of hitting her, because it took me 1 1/2 hrs to get her to school due to a major meltdown - she was extremely distressed, and they have then questioned her, either during or immediately afterwards and she has muddled everything up.

She has just tried attacking my 3 year old and myself again, throwing as many things (heavy things) as possible, pinning us upstairs where I sort refuge, broke the upstairs stair gate, kicked me, nipped me etc. etc. I eventually managed to get downstairs (this lasted what felt like an hour, until I could run across the path to a neighbour to hep me. - And her school think I can make her do things she doesn't want to do!!

I am not telling you this to be-little you, just to let you know that you are not alone, depression is very common for anyone and can be beaten.  Please speak to your GP for advise and you may be able to get some councelling.  I have had three lots over the years and I know I need more at the minute, but my kids are a higher priorty.  i will get my turn soon.

Please look after yourself.  Wishing you a speedy recovery

Take care

CJ

Hello Rachel,

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling like this.  My daughter is Autistic but I am what you all refer to as an NT.  I suffered with depression all of my life and I am nearing my 40's, so firstly it is not because of your own diagnosis, anyone can suffer with depression.

I too feel anxious about everything, I once turned off the washing machine mid cycle so it didn't 'blow up'! but somehow I have had to find the strength to carry on, focus on something else.  If you think your life goes from bad to worse, here is a snippet of my life, so hopefully you can realise yours is worth fighting for.  Please note, none of this is fabricated;

I have always been bullied from first school, middle, high, college, uni and work.

My family have nothing to do with me - they have met my Autistic daughter twice - she is now 8 and have never met my son.

I owe about 60k.

My husband and I had decent jobs when he took ill back in Jan 2012.  I had to quit to care for him.

He took 1 year to recover, then found out he had cancer.

My husbands mum passed away in July 2014 unexpectedly

I had to care for him from 2013 for a further 3.1/2 years through 4 lots of intense chemo (horrific), three major surgeries, 5 solid weeks of radiotherapy, plus loads of other stuff.  

He died in May 2016

My list is probably another 3 times longer, i have just listed the main ones.

My daughters school have just accused me of forcing her to stay up all hours doing homework and jobs that I don't do and they accused me of hitting her, because it took me 1 1/2 hrs to get her to school due to a major meltdown - she was extremely distressed, and they have then questioned her, either during or immediately afterwards and she has muddled everything up.

She has just tried attacking my 3 year old and myself again, throwing as many things (heavy things) as possible, pinning us upstairs where I sort refuge, broke the upstairs stair gate, kicked me, nipped me etc. etc. I eventually managed to get downstairs (this lasted what felt like an hour, until I could run across the path to a neighbour to hep me. - And her school think I can make her do things she doesn't want to do!!

I am not telling you this to be-little you, just to let you know that you are not alone, depression is very common for anyone and can be beaten.  Please speak to your GP for advise and you may be able to get some councelling.  I have had three lots over the years and I know I need more at the minute, but my kids are a higher priorty.  i will get my turn soon.

Please look after yourself.  Wishing you a speedy recovery

Take care

CJ