hello,
today is a massive red flag day today for me.... No matter what I do, say or think even look at something I am feeling like I want to explode. I have no idea why I feel like this, or even how I got in this state. the slightest thing like someone next to me breathing is causing me to shout. I only shout when frustrated and don't understand something....so I am thinking as I have no idea what is going on with me other than I feel a kind of heavy pressure in my head right now.. I don't understand why I feel like this this is the reason why I am shouting at everyone and thing? But what worries me more is why I feel like this today? I do have a lot of things going around in my head, but I have them usually. I feel really frustrated and alone as I think how I am reacting to things no one understands me...but how can they understand me if I don't understand myself?
Reading some posts in this forum worry me, oh not the content or stories, just the language it's written in. I feel so out of my depth. I feel with some of the posts I have read that I don't even understand the words used.... My daughter (21) says she explains things to me in a child like fashion and I understand things better. This makes me feel like as an adult I am a failure, but she is right. Why do I only understand things told to me like a child? I don't understand a lot of things and that frustrates me even more. It has made me think over the years growing up as a coping strategy I got very good at copying people and lost who I was, I don't even know who I am anymore. Frustrated, I know that! Why do I struggle with everyday things and others don't? Oh don't worry I am not looking for answers here from you all, I guess I am just saying what's in my head..
i need one of those huge wooden wardrobes all carved on the front with a huge door, so I can open it and sit inside and scream, maybe that will help?
