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Feeling self conscious

Blues

Dont know how to start this...

All my life i have felt self conscious. Even then i am not sure thats the right term? I have never felt comfotable in my own skin. Never been good with words, written or spoken. And now i have joined NAS, and all i do is type short replies to peoples heartfelt post's, never really giving advice, just trying to fit in i suppose.

Its not that i dont care. More i am trying to phrase things right so i dont cause offence. So i say little to hopefully get it right. I just feel i do not have enough knoweledge yet to offer advice on this very wide and complicated subject. Ok i know how i am, how i have problems in certain areas, but the last thing that i want is to cause offence or have someone tell me "You don't know what your on about".

 Its been a long journey to get where i am(my assessment), to hopefully get some answers. Maybe its not ASD, least i'll know.

I am constantly fighting this war inside of me. I want to scream, but can't. People just tell me "you are just you", but i cannot except that. Things scare me. Life scares. People scare me.

Why???

I am so tired, but have trouble sleeping. I get anxious over silly things. I feel invisible sometimes.

I dont know if anyone can relate to this, but i just had to write this.

Thanks for listening guys

Blues

  • lostmyway said:

    The thing is though, Blues, there are plenty of people who are on the spectrum who are aware of their difficulties but, nevertheless, make a conscious effort to behave like NT's, although this can be quite demanding and tiring.

    OK, so you will have to put on an 'act' but with practice this gets a bit easier and it's better than just thinking you will never be able to fit in. At the end of the day, we are still human beings with a mind and will and it is up to us to change our lot in life.

    There are plenty of famous autistics who haven't allowed their condition to restrict their aspirations.

    I understan what your saying, and your right. I gotta change my negative way of thinking for sure. I've just had a rough week, and was feeling a bit low to be honest. Famous people with ASD?

    Susan boyle, Einstein, issaac newton apparently...

    Got to stop feeling like a victim in all this too, i'm not.

    Thanks lmw

  • The thing is though, Blues, there are plenty of people who are on the spectrum who are aware of their difficulties but, nevertheless, make a conscious effort to behave like NT's, although this can be quite demanding and tiring.

    OK, so you will have to put on an 'act' but with practice this gets a bit easier and it's better than just thinking you will never be able to fit in. At the end of the day, we are still human beings with a mind and will and it is up to us to change our lot in life.

    There are plenty of famous autistics who haven't allowed their condition to restrict their aspirations.

  • Starstruck said:

    I also feel self conscious, usually because I have no desire to fit in with what people feel I should look like.  

    So I have been told I stand out as different.

    What is making you feel this way ? Appearance or the way you communicate ?

    I feel everyone must feel this way sometimes even those without Autism 

    But perhaps some off us are extremely sensitive to this feeling of being different

    I don't mind anymore if I'm honest.

    What bothers you about you ?

    These responses made me cry. I am not alone after all. Thank you from my heart.

    A bit of both really. I feel awkward, always looking at the floor when I walk. I don't know how to act sometimes, do I have my arms at my side, or fold them?

    I feel I'm being judged somehow. It's scrutiny isn't it, and the more I act that way, the more I feel scrutinised by others.

    and now I receive a letter in the post saying I'm to undergo an ADOS assessment. ADOS being Autism Diagnosis Observation something or other.

    Now I am worrying. But need to go through this, can't let it bother me.

    Again thanks for your feed back people, it really does mean so much to me

    Blues

  • I'm glad you're voicing out Blues (rather than bottling up your feelings).  

    The difficulty with sleeping - how long has this been for?  It must be exhausting for you - are you getting any help with the insomnia and anxiety from Dr?

    If I'm hearing you I think you are feeling uncomfortable?  Your need at present is to bring up your levels of comfort to comfortable - so that most of the time you feel comfortable.

    With best wishes,

  • I also feel self conscious, usually because I have no desire to fit in with what people feel I should look like.  

    So I have been told I stand out as different.

    What is making you feel this way ? Appearance or the way you communicate ?

    I feel everyone must feel this way sometimes even those without Autism 

    But perhaps some off us are extremely sensitive to this feeling of being different

    I don't mind anymore if I'm honest.

    What bothers you about you ?