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How much do you have to give of your life...?

Bester Dad than the real deal.

Hi, I am the step dad although I have never been called Dad, to my parner of 13x years, two boys from the ages of 3x & 5x years old, I have been through all the tolls of parenthood for these boys.

We have been married for nealy 3x years but I feel we aren't going to make it to our third anniversary on the 17th of this month. 

I have stood by my partner throught a roller coaster of dealing with schools, senco's who thought they know Autisum, education system that is only interested in sats results & ofsted reports.

My wife has had a breakdown to the extent she is on prozac regually, I have been arrested, had a full section 47 ?? investigation into our familly life due to our Autistic son writing on his hand, "my Mum hits me!" I nor my wife have never hit our childern,.

My wife managed to get out of county education for our boy, she fought tooth and nail, while she was doing this I held the rest of our familly together, out middle boy who missed out on so much due to my wife having to deal with J, we have a younger boy together, so three boys in all. 

Our autistic son messed up the last year at this school that they too have washed their hands with him, so he has to come home, I get nothing back from this boy, I have run out of steam, nothing left to give. 

My wife and I are now apart, it's been about 10x days, I have lent to much on our middle son to the extentent I have pushed him away he's 16x has his own circle of friends and no time for me.

J is 18x years old now, he has had a £60,000 a year education for 5x years, he has a few gcses and a pass in a public services course.. Money well spent..??

He decided he didn't want to finish the course his Mum had fought so hard to obtain for him as he felt he wasn't reaching his full potential at one of the best colleges Surrey.

So my question to you all is, why are there so many smiling faces on the home page of this web site...??

When in truth it tears families apart..!

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I'm sorry that you are going through the mill. Having an autistic child can be very hard work and being step-dad to one presents its own hurdles.

    Teenagers are always going to be a challenge and it will be hard to tell what of his behaviour is due to autism and what is due to being a wayward teen. You can't force someone to appreciate education just as you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

    My next contribution is aimed at helping you understand one of the possible factors involved in your situation. I know I am speculating but sometimes this can lead to greater understanding.

    Autism is often inherited and one or both parents may have behavioural traits that are on the spectrum but no diagnosis may be appropriate or necessary if life is carrying on OK. Is it possible that your partner/her ex/yourself are on the spectrum? If one or more of you are on the spectrum it may help you understand and accept the situation better. There is a free test at aspergerstest.net/.../ People who are unaware of their traits (as I was for many years) can be difficult to deal with and are more likely to end up separating from partners and having difficult lives.

    I agree with fuzeelogic - particularly the bit about not attributing blame to anyone. It helps to understand what is going on. Greater understanding makes it harder to be judgemental in my opinion.

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I'm sorry that you are going through the mill. Having an autistic child can be very hard work and being step-dad to one presents its own hurdles.

    Teenagers are always going to be a challenge and it will be hard to tell what of his behaviour is due to autism and what is due to being a wayward teen. You can't force someone to appreciate education just as you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

    My next contribution is aimed at helping you understand one of the possible factors involved in your situation. I know I am speculating but sometimes this can lead to greater understanding.

    Autism is often inherited and one or both parents may have behavioural traits that are on the spectrum but no diagnosis may be appropriate or necessary if life is carrying on OK. Is it possible that your partner/her ex/yourself are on the spectrum? If one or more of you are on the spectrum it may help you understand and accept the situation better. There is a free test at aspergerstest.net/.../ People who are unaware of their traits (as I was for many years) can be difficult to deal with and are more likely to end up separating from partners and having difficult lives.

    I agree with fuzeelogic - particularly the bit about not attributing blame to anyone. It helps to understand what is going on. Greater understanding makes it harder to be judgemental in my opinion.

Children
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