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Did you have a 'Road to Damascus Moment'

Trainspotter

For those of us who have only been diagnosed/suspect they have an ASD in 'later life', was it a Damascus moment that made you realise that there was actually a condition you had which made you different? 

In my case, I have always been absent minded.  And often my mother would say I was like a man made of smoke, meaning I think that I had no grasp of the situation.  She has told me that no one would ever know if I had Alzheimers as I always forget where I have put things. But I could also remember things I had read, having a mental picture of the page and 'reading' it verbatim from my mind and also 'replaying' peoples convesations, and 'replaying' events from my life as if was on a dvd (in modern terms).

And my feeding habits -well I have a very 'restricted' diet always, hating most strongly tasting food, certain things like curry I can't bear to be in the same room as.  I found this very embarrassing as I got into adulthood, having to be in places where meals were served up.  Nowadays, I just  make it clear that I don't like the food beforehand and leave it at that.

At school I was very inconsistent.  I was bottom of the class one term and top another.  I used to excel at subjects that interested me (Maths and Chemistry) and not be bothered at all about subjects that didn't (English Literature and History).  But history is a strange one.  I used to not like the history we were taught.  I'd spend night after night reading science text books and history text books.  In my O leve exam for History, I managed to pass not by answering subjects we had been taught but by choosing questions on other topics.

After an indifferent spell at College, I was out of work for more than twenty years.  Not for lack of trying, just failed all the interviews.  When I saw an occupational psychologist he said I was not making proper eye contact and not elaborating on answers.  So if I was asked if I had experience of x,y,z I would say 'No' and leave it at that, not say 'No, but I have done ...... which I think is similar.

Years later I was told I was not answering the questions put but answering something else, waffling on about irrelevances, staring and sitting bolt upright.

But still no suggestion something might be wrong in my makeup.

A couple of years ago 'Embarrassing Bodies' bought up the subject of ASD's and directed viewers to do an online test.  I scored highly, meaning a strong possibility.  I mentioned this to work colleagues who said things like'you don't say' but to me it didn't seem a problem.  Yes, I did go on about certain things at work and sometimes someone would say 'Your phone is ringing' but when I got there it wasn't, didn't realise that it was just their way of getting rid of me!

Then things happened at work, not least being moved out of my comfort zone and told that I had to do things a certain way (even though there was nothing wrong with the way I did them) and I began to wonder.  I did the ASD test again and again scored high.  Did some more research and everything seemed to fall into place with my childhood experiences.  And my one regret is not knowing all these years!

  • Tom, perhaps it's simply that you were born in the wrong era.

    In the 16th. century you might have been considered to be a wizard or something living a solitary life consorting with the Devil cooking up magical spells with which to punish the peasants with if they didn't bend to your will!

  • "I think Shakespeare was right.  All the world is a stage.  And I feel as if I am acting a lot of the time.  Only sometimes I enter the wrong stage and perform in the wrong play."


    I'm going to wtite that one down,Trainspotter, because I wished I had said it!

  • I agree with you about the Australian Question Intonation, Tom. I mean why would you make a statement sound like a question? It's a misuse of the language, or maybe it's just because I've become a grumpy old man.

    But I think the thing with fashion is something that has grown and grown ever since the mass media got going in terms of cinema, TV, magazines newspapers, catalogues and so on. I think it has and still is driven by big business because by encouraging people to keep up with the latest fashions it generates load of dosh and everyone is happy (well the bankers are anyway).

    However, that doesn't really get to the heart of the question as to why many people feel compelled to follow fashion. Is it an evolutionary thing in that it tends to favour individuals who blindly follow the herd and are therby accepted as a member of the clique? In primitive times this might have been an important characteristic of people insofar as those 'rebels' who refused to 'blend in' might have been seen as being outsiders and consequently not contributing to tribal coherence and, as a result, being ostrasized, which could have been fatal in a very uncertain and dangerous world. I don't know, it was just a thought. 

    I expect there have always been those who have been 'different' from the average but before the population of the world ballooned so dramatically and the era of mass comminucation they could be accomodated without the burden of being made to feel strange in comparison to the rest of society. It's been speculated upon by Prof.Tony Attwood that many Aspies would probably have gone into monastries where they could lead a comparatively secluded and quiet life away from the violent and brutal mass of people. They would perform their routine tasks, something Aspies like to do, and perhaps even produce those wonderfully illustrated Bible translations we so admire. Not sure about sex though....Ahem!

  • I relate a lot to what you have written, Martian Tom.

    I have never been one for fashion.  I have worn the same clothing at work for the past four or five years (not exactly the same but no one would tell as I have several versions.) and it is anything but modern although I think it is tidy.    I wear the same pair of clogs (proper English clogs, wooden soles and leather uppers which I have worn the same pair every day for the past four years. Tatoos I find an assault on my eyes (although it is none of my business what people want to do to their bodies).

    I don't know what Pokaman is.  And mobile phones are an abomination even though I do have one, mainly to get texts from my son and daughter whom I would not hear from otherwise.  It is either switched off or not charged most of the time.  I don't like people to turn up uninvited and usually won't answer the door to any strangers. 

    Society seems to encourage a sheep-like tendency.  We are meant to like pop music, know who all the celebrities are.  My favourite television programme is The Archers, which happens to be on the wireless.

    I think Shakespeare was right.  All the world is a stage.  And I feel as if I am acting a lot of the time.  Only sometimes I enter the wrong stage and perform in the wrong play.

  • If people diagnosed with ASD's were in the majority, that would make NT's the minority.  In whch case how would they cope with everything being organised exclusively for those who have an ASD?

    I think they would soon go mad!  Normality is only society's way of organising and labelling and controlling people and those outside of the recognised 'Norm' are seen as a problem and threat. And often this is even when they keep themselves to themselves, causing no harm to anyone. (I'm not just referring to ASD's in this last statement).

  • I've sometimes wondered what would happen if the world was suddenly only populated with people who had been officially diagnosed as being autistic.

    Would there develop a split between some who were more autistic than others? In such a case, people who currently are classified as high functioning autistics in the world as it is today might then be considered NT's if they outnumbered the rest, in this imaginary world.

    I think the point I'm trying to make here is that everything is relative and 'normality' is always measured in relation to the mean. Normal for me is not necessarily normal for someone else and why should someone who is a member of a minority group be considered 'odd' or 'strange?' It's a a matter of perspective.

  • In my case I wouldn't say I have had 'A Road To Damascus' moment exactly, because although I can empathize and relate to many people here, in doing so I might be over exaggerating things I see in myself and concluding I'm on the AS. This can happen when you interact with people a lot and I'm always wary of seeing myself as being part of a group based on a desire to fit in.

    However, I do think I show some signs of AS (or whatever the hell they call it now) and I guess the main reason I post here is a desire to know myself. But, although I know you and many others have experienced many problems in the past due to having autistic traits, the fact that you have found the answer to your experiences does, at least, enable you to put things into context and saves you the anguish of wondering what makes you the way you are.

    They say everyone is autistic to a greater or lesser extent and I suppose this is why it is conceptualized as a 'spectrum' so I daresay that many so-called NT's might see some autistic behaviour within themselves, which is why it can be very confusing if you are on the clinical borderline of autism.

    But, I'm glad you feel you have been given such a tremedous insight into your behaviour especially in light of the fact that there are many, many people who have everyday problems but have little or no idea about what the underlying dynamic driving them is.