• Replies 10 replies
  • Subscribers 28 subscribers
  • Views 1106 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Some Friend

Normalish

Hello there, good afternoon. 

Just popping here to vent, I suppose, because I'm reeling from something my one and only friend said to me in conversation yesterday, and it's absolutely ruined my sleep.

On the topic of my being much too stubborn and unable to accept another person's perspective, she offered her opinion and said, directly, that she feels I use my "autism card" too frequently.

I'm in turmoil as to what to make of that statement. I don't think it's fair, but... Am I the best person to judge? I thought I made a conscious effort not to blame/refer everything on my diagnosis, but... Maybe it's failing?

In a further effort to clarify the comment, she assured me she was only looking to make sure that I was "using the autism as an excuse to act like a *** to people and make out like you're never wrong".

Which... I know even less what to do with...! My head is mashed!

So does anyone have any opinions? Not necessarily to vindicate either of us in that conversation, but perhaps just on how I process such remarks, and what I attempt to respond with!

Thank you, and I hope you're all well.

Dan 

Parents

  • Hi Dan 

    NTs use language for other reasons than to convey information in the form of facts. They use it to bully, encourage, cajole, mend hurt feelings, the list goes on. Hierarchy is important to them, as well as feeling part of a group which gives them an identity. Perhaps your friend is having problems with your diagnosis because she subconsciously identifies you as being part of a different group, although she wants to be loyal, so wants you to act more NT. Or maybe she is just trying to help you "fit in" because that is how she views success. Whichever it is she can't help being the way she is and neither can you. 

    I would suggest that you tell her that you've been thinking about what she said and you acknowledge that sometimes you can be stubborn and not accept another perspective, and that you'll try to be more diplomatic in future. That will make her feel that you value her judgement. Then I would say that it upset you when she called you a *** and you hope she will be more patient with you in the future and less judgmental. I wouldn't get into discussing autism - if she tries to I would remind her that although you need to be aware of the issues it may cause, it doesn't define you. You are an individual with strengths and weaknesses like everyone else and you hope she will accept that.

    The book Paul recommended is very good. 

Reply

  • Hi Dan 

    NTs use language for other reasons than to convey information in the form of facts. They use it to bully, encourage, cajole, mend hurt feelings, the list goes on. Hierarchy is important to them, as well as feeling part of a group which gives them an identity. Perhaps your friend is having problems with your diagnosis because she subconsciously identifies you as being part of a different group, although she wants to be loyal, so wants you to act more NT. Or maybe she is just trying to help you "fit in" because that is how she views success. Whichever it is she can't help being the way she is and neither can you. 

    I would suggest that you tell her that you've been thinking about what she said and you acknowledge that sometimes you can be stubborn and not accept another perspective, and that you'll try to be more diplomatic in future. That will make her feel that you value her judgement. Then I would say that it upset you when she called you a *** and you hope she will be more patient with you in the future and less judgmental. I wouldn't get into discussing autism - if she tries to I would remind her that although you need to be aware of the issues it may cause, it doesn't define you. You are an individual with strengths and weaknesses like everyone else and you hope she will accept that.

    The book Paul recommended is very good. 

Children
No Data