Autistic adult who won't accept help?

CarlyS said:

Atypical have you used these books for autistic people and have they been quite effective for them? 

I think that the books are for the people who are dealing with your brother. There are ways of learning to lead, rather than control, other people that are applicable in this situation. Your brother needs to have doors opened in front of him so that he can walk through them. The whole approach needs to be different to making someone do what you want them to do.

Atypical have you used these books for autistic people and have they been quite effective for them? 

Thanks for the replies, sorry for not getting back to you sooner. We're not from the Cearphilly area, where we are there seems to be a bad homeless problem at the moment so its difficult to get any help. It would be an extreme last resort getting to leave

Thanks for the reply its very helpful and I'll definitely look into the capacity act. We've wondered if he had ODD but the specialiss just dont care enough to comment. My parents are completely at a loss, their current method of dealing with him is just trying to keep him calm and it can't go on forever. Its just difficult to confront him with naything because he kicks off then follows my mum around all day being abusive until he gets his way. I think he can handle a residential setting and he won't be too much bother to people as long as he has space from others, a lot of his anger is aimed at my parents because they're the ones who are on the front line so to speak. Do you have any other tips for how we can approach our situation?

Hello my names Rachel and like your brother I was also diagnosed with asperges syndrome and I used to be quite a handful I was violent and abusive and had a few run ins with the police myself.  I am now 24 and I've got a good job with the nhs as a health care support worker and I'm slowly working my way into nursing.  I think what helped me tho was going to different group and mixing with others like me. Are there perhaps any groups by you the 1st group I joined was ASDES which stands for autism spectrum disorder employment support they help people on the spectrum find work across the South Wales area and they also hold monthly social groups.  Another group I go to is the enabled project its a youth club for people with mixed abilities they hold drop ins and do things like gardeing music work shops trips away and drama and crafts is there anything like that in your area. The final group I go is actually a support group for adults who been diagnosed late I have a friend there that was diagnosed when he was 34. All of these groups have helped me a lot and I learnt that I'm not alone there are others out there like me and I'm a much better person. I do still have my moments tho but they are a billion times better than before.  I know it's hard but please don't give up on your brother hopefully things will slowly start to get better look at me for example.  Hope this helps 

Hi I responded to you're other message, the guys here having good advice more then what I can give. If you are from the cearphilly area a can pass some contact numbers. There's a lady that helps me that gives supported housing. But they are many steps invold that I don't completely understand but you should never be in a situation where have to have a family member put out to street. There is always help

It is quite likely that he has learnt to resist all attempts to help/fix/control him because none of this ever made sense to him and it never has helped him yet.

There are two behavioural issues - Pathological Demand Avoidance and Oppositional Defiant Disorder that arise. These are not trivial to unpick and undermine but he has to be able to learn that he can have a better life by behaving differently but it probably erquires everyone concerned - his parents and yourself - to learn to deal with him differently. I don't know the books that Atypical mentions but I suspect that they would be a good start.

Are you parents empathetic/sympathetic or are they completely lost in trying to deal with him?

Great advice so far!

Sounds to me like every time you try and discuss something with him he's automatically digging his heels in.  May I suggest a couple of books which I've found helpful in thinking of different ways of dealing with people?

'Getting It Done: how to lead when you're not in charge' by Roger Fisher and Alan Sharp

'Don't Shoot the Dog: the new art of teaching and training' by Karen Pryor

NAS18906 said:

My understanding is that the Mental Health Act (sectioning) aims to protect an individual, or society at large, from danger. E.g. to intervene against suicide, dangerous psychopathy etc. The Mental Capacity act is used for people who are not a real and present danger to themselves but who are unable to look after themselves. It isn't done simply on IQ but it is able to cater for people who refuse to co-operate. If the individual refuses to co-operate then the courts need to be involved, otherwise an individual can consent to handing over their affairs to someone else. Obviously, there are mechanisms to protect a vulnerable individual from being coerced into handing over their affairs inappropriately so the courts can be involved in any case.

I am not an expert but I know something about this - my father needed power of attorney when he suffered from Alzheimers and Aspergers - so he was in the position of being unable to co-operate but he wasn't a danger to begin with. I would start with a bit of googling and then consult with Citizens Advice or perhaps Mind.org who will direct you as appropriate.

It depends whether you think he can be handled in a residential setting or whether he needs to be in a secure hospital. Forcing the authorities hand by turfing him out onto the streets is a very bad way forward - there are ways of dealing with this if you can find the right agencies.

Excellent advice I think.

My understanding is that the Mental Health Act (sectioning) aims to protect an individual, or society at large, from danger. E.g. to intervene against suicide, dangerous psychopathy etc. The Mental Capacity act is used for people who are not a real and present danger to themselves but who are unable to look after themselves. It isn't done simply on IQ but it is able to cater for people who refuse to co-operate. If the individual refuses to co-operate then the courts need to be involved, otherwise an individual can consent to handing over their affairs to someone else. Obviously, there are mechanisms to protect a vulnerable individual from being coerced into handing over their affairs inappropriately so the courts can be involved in any case.

I am not an expert but I know something about this - my father needed power of attorney when he suffered from Alzheimers and Aspergers - so he was in the position of being unable to co-operate but he wasn't a danger to begin with. I would start with a bit of googling and then consult with Citizens Advice or perhaps Mind.org who will direct you as appropriate.

It depends whether you think he can be handled in a residential setting or whether he needs to be in a secure hospital. Forcing the authorities hand by turfing him out onto the streets is a very bad way forward - there are ways of dealing with this if you can find the right agencies.

If his IQ "too high" then you have a lot of trouble getting Power of Attourney without his consent...and consent seems to be a big issue right now. If he's getting worse you might have another look at Sectioning.

Thanks for the replies. He was sectioned for the weekend once but that was it. They wanted to determine if he has psychosis and he didn't so they weren't interested in taking it further. Things had improved very slightly after that but not to something we can live with forever. Things had to get to a ridiculous level to get him sectioned. How would we get power of attorney? Would it be possible for someone in our situation to do? 

Hi Carly,

Are you aware of the Mental Capacity Act www.nhs.uk/.../mental-capacity.aspx ? Sectioning under the mental health act is probably too extreme but it may well be possible to obtain a "Power of Attorney" (see the article on mental capacity) to enable his parents to complete the forms necessary to get financial help.

Just read your other post. It sounds drastic and harsh but have you thought of getting him sectioned? It will force him to get help and give your parents a break.