Hi everyone my names Rachel haven't been on here for a while. A lot has been going on in my life new job painful brake up and an issue regarding the police which I'd rather not speak about. Anyway I have asperges syndrome I also suffer from anxiety and depression. The brake up was hard took an overdose twice and its just been constant arguing with my parents. I miss my ex a lot I need him because he been my rock and now even though we talking again I feel lost. I'm on antidepressants but they turn me into a zombie. The doctors don't help nothing helps the only thing that keeps me going is my job. I work for thr nhs on the abmu health board as a health care worker or agzilary nurse what ever you wanna call it. Sometimes tho the job is hard and I want to brake down and cry or just scream at some very difficult patients but if I did that I'd be sacked on the spot.
Anyway this morning after a no cotact period with my ex boyfriend I disided to message him on Facebook hoping to end part of this nightmare. He replied I'm happy for us to talk but stop sending xx that upset me a lot, so I told a lie and said my friend sent him the message he knew it was a lie. I then freaked out when he said I'm off good luck with work I thought he meant I don't wanna speack 2 you again good luck with life. He then just said I've got things to do I've got to go I said sorry got the wrong end of the stick message me later or whenever no pressure tho he just said ok thanks. I got upset because there was no I'm sorry 4 this that or whatever or thank you for my birthday card i sent him a week a go. I was really hoping after taking a break from one another this nightmare would end and I don't know what to do I'm lost I miss my ex so much yes we are slowly starting to talk but why not today. I'm not asking him to get back with me yet all I want is for us to talk like sensible adults and to try again is that so much to ask for. It's been since the beginning of May I put the no contact period in place because we couldn't speak like adults then. We broke up mid April time tried talking then but after me having a massive autistic meltdown that day the situation has been made worse. Why couldn't I have just accepted friendship that day because we be back together by now but stupid rachel had to go into meltdown and ruin her chances. I can see us getting back but why does it hurt so much when will this nightmare end. Why won't my ex just meet up with me for a coffee and just for us to talk and no haven't really asked him yet he not giving me the chance to.
