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when will this nightmare end

Rach91

Hi everyone my names Rachel haven't been on here for a while. A lot has been going on in my life new job painful brake up and an issue regarding the police which I'd rather not speak about. Anyway I have asperges syndrome I also suffer from anxiety and depression. The brake up was hard took an overdose twice and its just been constant arguing with my parents. I miss my ex a lot I need him because he been my rock and now even though we talking again I feel lost. I'm on antidepressants but they turn me into a zombie. The doctors don't help nothing helps the only thing that keeps me going is my job. I work for thr nhs on the abmu health board as a health care worker or agzilary nurse what ever you wanna call it. Sometimes tho the job is hard and I want to brake down and cry or just scream at some very difficult patients but if I did that I'd be sacked on the spot. 

Anyway this morning after a no cotact period with my ex boyfriend I disided to message him on Facebook hoping to end part of this nightmare. He replied I'm happy for us to talk but stop sending xx that upset me a lot, so I told a lie and said my friend sent him the message he knew it was a lie. I then freaked out when he said I'm off good luck with work I thought he meant I don't wanna speack 2 you again good luck with life. He then just said I've got things to do I've got to go I said sorry got the wrong end of the stick message me later or whenever no pressure tho he just said ok thanks. I got upset because there was no I'm sorry 4 this that or whatever or thank you for my birthday card i sent him a week a go. I was really hoping after taking a break from one another this nightmare would end and I don't know what to do I'm lost I miss my ex so much yes we are slowly starting to talk but why not today. I'm not asking him to get back with me yet all I want is for us to talk like sensible adults and to try again is that so much to ask for. It's been since the beginning of May I put the no contact period in place because we couldn't speak like adults then. We broke up mid April time tried talking then but after me having a massive autistic meltdown that day the situation has been made worse. Why couldn't I have just accepted friendship that day because we be back together by now but stupid rachel had to go into meltdown and ruin her chances.  I can see us getting back but why does it hurt so much when will this nightmare end. Why won't my ex just meet up with me for a coffee and just for us to talk and no haven't really asked him yet he not giving me the chance to. 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Rach91 said:

    she just twists things making her sound like she is the victim.

    That may be the way that she really feels. Perhaps she struggles to see it from anyone elses point of view. Perhaps she really doesn't know what to do and she is at her wits end too?

    You feel as though you are the victim because you are going through difficult times. You will find it hard to see things from others points of view because you have Aspergers. Everyone around you will be struggling to work out what to do for the best but you may not see that. If you can see that they are not perfect, and that they are struggling too, then you might find them easier to deal with.

  • Right now I don't have really anyone to talk to whenever I was down could always turn to Chris even before we got together anytime day or night I knew I could rely on him. He was always there for me day or night. He was also the 1st person I told about my diagnosis.I can't speak to my mum I've tried since coming home from work but instead she just twists things making her sound like she the victim. One massive row I'm sitting here shaking and in tears but you be pleased to know that I'm not planning on taking an overdose if this was a few weeks ago however I would have by now. I am getting better but I feel like well she my mum she should be my whiping post and should try to deal with me a lot better. She kept saying she wanted to be a councillor but no offence to my mum she never be able to become one she gets wound up to much and can't dealing with other people's emotions. Maybe I should try and message Chris and just say I'm still really depressed and I really need you as a friend right now but I don't know if that's a good idea.  

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    NAS10665 said:

    I was really upset reading your last post about your parent’s reaction. It sounds like they are not being supportive at all, in fact the complete opposite.

    Hi Rachel,

    Parents' reactions are sometimes an indication that they have their own problems and that are not coping very well with you having problems too. Sometimes, parent's really lack insight into their children's minds and emotions. I'm not saying this to lay any blame at their door but I think this is something that you might want to understand more.

    One possible reason for this, in your case, is that they may also struggle with empathy and communication skills i.e. they may also have autistic (or other psychological issues) problems too. Do you think that this is possible?

  • Thanks for the link with chris I'm gonna do things 1 step at a time with him because I don't wanna lose him as a friend. Then hopefully we can work on things and get things back on track. But with my parents I'm just sick of the way my dad is whenever I'm low he just says you don't have depression you don't know the meaning of the word your just an attention seeker. The last few times I've overdosed my dad just says before I do it take them then and walks of with my mum and I then just do it. After I took the overdose my parents laughed and said you blown your job now and told me to phone for a taxi to take you to a&e because we not driving you. The last time I took an overdose was over a month ago and I've had thoughts of doing it since

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Rachel,

    Is there anyone else (not your ex or your family) that you can talk to? I think you need to talk this through with someone who you can trust. There are a number of helplines listed at the bottom of this webpage www.supportline.org.uk/.../relationships.php that you can call to get some counselling to help you get through this.

    Breaking up from a partner is probably one of the hardest experiences that people go through. I've been there and got that T-shirt. I think you have to go through the unavoidable stages of denial, grief, depression and acceptance and realise that what you are going through is what anyone going through a break up goes through. It is not a nice thing to experience but you will come out this in one piece.